


Seven Days of Spring Break

by ellewrites



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, M/M, Miscarriage, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-12-20 09:18:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 47,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/885588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellewrites/pseuds/ellewrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Suffering from situational depression, Heero agrees to accompany his best friend and travel 900 miles to his hometown on their last spring break as undergrads. He didn't expect to meet a man who would make him question his very understanding of what it means to be happy. AU, 1x2, warnings at top.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Saturday | Day One | Heero Arrives at the Party

**Author's Note:**

> Pairings/Warnings: 1x2, past 6x1, previously unrequited 1x4, 5xS, modern day AU, a little bit o' marijuana use, some m/m sex, light cursing, potentially triggering discussion of miscarriage, and a large bit of serious psychological, angsty stuff wrapped in a sappy sugar coating of good feels.
> 
> Notes: I am really pretty nervous about this little endeavor since it's such a departure from my typical fast-paced writing style. But this little piece of nonsense hijacked me and took me on a 50,000 word trip in the same way Tonight is the Night did. So I hope you can forgive me for posting this while on hiatus from Heero Yuy, L6, and the Second Suit Wars but I've been sitting on this for a few weeks now and am anxious to get it out there.
> 
> I will warn you though, this fic is surprisingly emotional – and not in the way most GW fan fiction is I don't think. My wonderful friend and beta Miss-Murdered suggested I warn you that even she cried. So yeah, it's a bit intense.
> 
> Also, this is a somewhat based on personal experience. I spent my young childhood years in an old steel mill town in northeast Amish-ville, my husband a small mining town in lower Appalachia. This is loosely situated in my husband's hometown and although I've taken a lot of liberties as to where things are located and tried to be vague, there are quite a few dead giveaways if you know the area – but I ain't tellin'. =P I tried to make this pretty realistic as far as the feelings Yankees have for Southerners based on my own personal feelings as a transplant. I also tried to incorporate activities and things I know my husband and his friend's did growing up. So I hope this rings true.
> 
> Additionally, this fic was VERY loosely inspired by the song Cruise by Florida Georgia Line (don't ask, I don't typically listen to country) but once Miss-Murdered pointed out how wonderful Starry Eyed by Ellie Goulding goes with this fic... I just couldn't get it out of my head! It is absolutely perfect. So it officially became the theme song of this fic, just in case you were curious. ;-P
> 
> Disclaimer: Nope, Gundam Wing still isn't mine – just love appropriating the characters for torture and feels!

"Goddamn fucking backwoods piece of shit hick town...!" Heero let the curses fly under his breath as he kicked the wheel of his rental Civic, now impossibly stuck in the impenetrable mud off the median. Swerve for one fucking deer and look what happens. They should know better than to jump across the road where they didn't belong.

Heero grunted. _He_ should know better than to have agreed to go home with Quatre for spring break. Wealthy, intelligent, Ivy League, pre-law, gay boys didn't belong in backwards, southern country towns any more than deer belonged on highways.

He stared in the direction he was going and wondered how far he would have to walk before he reached... _any_ thing. Then he glanced back dubiously. It had to have been at least five miles since he passed anything other than run down houses and an unpleasant chicken farm. Desperately, he stared at his cell phone and begged for a signal. Quatre warned him there'd be dead areas, but this was fucking ridiculous.

Just as he was about to suck it up and start walking he saw a beat up pick-up heading in his direction. The faded red and white machine growled slowly up the hill and Heero glared at it a bit petulantly, although he tried to appear friendly in light of his circumstances. He wondered bleakly if the old piece of shit would even make it to his destination, assuming the driver pulled over and offered assistance.

Heero walked out into the middle of the road to force the vehicle to a stop but it was already slowing so the action was unnecessary. He stood off to the driver's side as the vehicle stopped and when the driver leaned out the window, Heero thought he felt his heart stop.

"Hey stranger," the drop-dead _gorgeous_ young man behind the wheel smiled brilliantly, all of his teeth seemingly intact.

He wore a worn, soft flannel shirt in green and blue and white and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, showing of his strong forearms and hands stained with dirt and oil. His bangs fell into his luminous indigo eyes and Heero had to force himself to keep breathing. Quatre never said anything about a man like _this_ in his hometown. If he had, he might've taken the earlier flight.

"I'm guessing you ain't from 'round here."

He winked gratuitously as Heero looked down self-consciously at his pristine jeans and 'casual' open black vest over a plain white tee. He supposed it was pretty obvious.

"The rental tags gave it away."

The man must've seen him looking at himself awkwardly. Heero fought a furious blush at the handsome stranger's teasing and tried to think of anything he could say. "There was a deer," he started optimistically and the other man smiled as he shifted the truck into park right there in the middle of the road.

He stepped out of his truck then, hopping down and exposing his lithe body in full. Heero really wished he hadn't. That faded, tight denim hugged his hips in a way that made Heero swallow – hard. And the three-foot braid didn't hurt either. It added to his eccentric appeal instantaneously. Plus, Heero had a thing for long hair.

He walked over to examine the damage and waved his hand like it was nothing.

"I don't have the proper equipment on me, but Hil' and I will tow it out for ya and bring it on back. I'll give ya a ride into town, how 'bout?" He wiped a hand hastily on his jeans and held it out. Heero accepted tentatively, the warm grip immediately sending a shiver down his spine. "I'm Duo Maxwell, resident mechanic."

"Heero Yuy," Heero returned stiffly, regretfully letting his hand fall to his side.

Duo smiled wide and jerked a thumb to his truck. Heero locked the doors of the Civic before climbing in after him.

He was sure he'd never been in a vehicle in such a state of disrepair and it idled so rough Heero was surprised nothing jarred loose. He was skeptical about Duo's aptitude as a mechanic considering the state of his vehicle but then maybe it was a testament to his skill that the worn out clunker was running at all.

"Good thing I found ya!" Duo exclaimed loudly over the engine as he shifted it into drive. "Since it was me and all, I'll tow you in for free."

"No," Heero countered quickly, feeling uncomfortable accepting that kind of hospitality from a man whose truck could fall apart any minute. "Money's no object."

Duo laughed but it was an uncomfortable, terse sound. Heero immediately regretted saying anything. "Yeah, you're _definitely_ one 'a Cutie-Q's friends."

Heero blinked. "Wait – what?"

"Quatre," Duo clarified. "You're his buddy, right?"

"Uh, yeah." Heero felt somewhat disadvantaged. "He... mentioned me?"

Duo shrugged. "Yeah, ya know, whatever. Said he was bringing someone down for the week."

"Oh."

Heero turned his eyes away and to the road as they lumbered along the winding trail. He wished he could go back in time and stop himself from offending his gracious host but it was too late now. He'd have to ask Quatre what to do to get on the man's good side since he was here for an entire week. He didn't suppose he could avoid him for a few days in such a small place, not if Quatre wanted to show him around.

"You were following a GPS, right?" Duo asked after a moment.

Heero tilted his head back around, shocked at the smile resting lazily on Duo's face as he stared back at him. Clearly this guy wasn't as easily offended as Heero thought.

"Uh, yeah, until my phone lost signal." Heero wanted to kick himself for his smooth eloquence with every stupid phrase he uttered. He wondered if his lack of all intelligible thought was a result of being in the South or just because he was sitting next to that man.

"This is a pretty notorious dead zone," Duo explained. "But GPS is always screwing up you out-of-towners. I'll hafta show ya a better way to Q's. Through town. Less deer, less mud."

"Yeah... thanks."

Duo took a series of turns as they approached more... stuff. Heero didn't really know how to classify it. It certainly wasn't a town, just a house in a valley, sometimes. Or they would happen upon a church that had been advertised on blue corrugate signs with arrows at the turn two miles back. Or an out of place, expensively carved sign positioned on logs at the end of a private drive advertising a community called Deer Valley or Twin Peaks or some title equally evocative of the mountainous area they were in.

"Cabins," Duo explained when he inquired. "Pretty much the biggest industry we've got now after the mine shut down and manufacturing left for Mexico."

Heero wondered vaguely what it was people did for work around here, then. He'd never really been in an area with no manufacturing, no apparent commercial sector.

"Welcome, good sir, to your destination," he announced as they pulled up to a gated drive. Duo typed in some numbers on the keypad and the gate slowly rolled open. "Not everyone gets the code, ya know?" He flashed a big grin at Heero. "Pretty sure this is the biggest piece of shit to ever touch this driveway."

Heero fought down a chuckle, feeling guilty that he had such a similar thought about his presence in said piece of shit, even despite Duo's good humor about it.

The long, winding driveway eventually dumped them onto a beautiful three-story mansion nestled in a picturesque mountain valley. Quatre never really talked about his childhood home so Heero had no idea what to expect. He knew Quatre was fabulously wealthy – but unlike Heero's father's self-made money, Quatre's wealth went back generations. Just the façade of this veritable palace was incomparable to any of his father's properties. Heero felt suddenly stuck, like he didn't belong with either Duo or Quatre. The idea of being here for a week hit him then with rare pang of homesickness. He wanted to be home – and not here or his apartment in Ithaca. Home in Martha's Vineyard, with his grandfather. Where he would be right now if –

"No time like the present," Duo interrupted Heero's thoughts as he shut off the engine and jumped out of the truck.

Quatre must've been watching for them because as soon as Duo's boots hit the pavement his friend was a blond streak rushing out the front door, launching himself at Duo like a long lost brother.

Heero found it strange Quatre never mentioned a man he'd hugged with such gusto.

"Hey, I found your buddy down on five there try'na follow the GPS." Duo chucked as Heero walked around the front of the truck to greet Quatre. "Got stuck in the ditch. I'll tow 'em back in an' help ya set up for the party."

Heero was blindsided by the term party but Quatre was already apologizing so he didn't have a chance to ask.

"I'm so sorry, Heero, I should have given you better directions."

He waved it off. "It worked out."

Quatre immediately turned back to Duo. "So you will be able to make?"

"Hell yeah, of course!" Duo clapped him on the shoulder, almost as if he was trying to believe Quatre was actually standing before him. "I took the whole week off. I got an activity planned for every day of the week!"

Quatre blushed slightly and seemed sheepish. If he was less than thrilled about Duo's idea of their week, it was difficult to argue with the braided man's enthusiasm.

"But I'm gonna head out so I can get back, huh?" He smacked Quatre's shoulder and then threw a two-fingered wave at Heero. "Nice to meet ya, 'Ro!"

And with that, Heero had a nickname too.

He followed Quatre inside and let him lead him through a tour of the place – an overwhelming litany of rooms including a whole floor of guest rooms and a basement with a full bar, pool tables, arcade games, and card tables. Heero had seen some mighty impressive houses in his time – hell, he'd _lived_ in some, at least while he wasn't at boarding school – but this certainly had to have been the most grandiose, over the top, expensive place he had ever set foot in.

Quatre then led him up to the patio out back that boasted a half bar and grilling station surrounding a lovely pool and hot tub. Some sort of employee who's intentions Heero couldn't guess came up to confer with Quatre for a moment and Heero went off to inspect the pool absently, wondering at the fact that he really had no idea Quatre would be inheriting _this_ kind of wealth. And Heero knew it wasn't the only house his father owned – just the one he loved the best.

"I'm sorry," Quatre apologized as he offered Heero a place to sit as they waited for Duo's return. "I should've told Duo there would be nothing to help with. Do you want a drink?" He moved to the bar and pulled out two glasses. Heero requested water so Quatre complied, but he poured tea for himself.

"You probably don't know this," Quatre murmured as he came back and handed off the drink, sitting down in the chair next to Heero. "But iced tea in the South is just so far superior to that in the North."

Heero threw a speculative glance at Quatre, who smiled a little.

"Duo would make you try it, but I'll let him force that on you. Just trust me. It's better."

He didn't see fit to argue since he wasn't much a fan of iced tea in general but it did give him an opening to ask about the braided man in the busted pick-up.

"You never told me about him," Heero said, the accusation clear.

Quatre was what Heero would call his best friend, and he felt a similar level of camaraderie from the blonde man, so he was somewhat put off that his friend never mentioned a man so close to him he knew the gate code to his mansion.

Quatre seemed embarrassed. "I don't know, I guess... You haven't really seen much of this place yet, but look at him. I spent most of my life downplaying my family name here, trying to be accepted by people who have nothing. You know how cut throat it is at school, how judgmental everyone is. I guess I hid this part of my life there just like I was accustomed to hiding my wealth here."

Heero figured that was fair enough. With names like Peacecraft, Khushrenada, and Catalonia thrown around, new money vs old money became a childish pissing match that frankly disgusted Heero. His name meant nothing until he created his own legacy. He refused to take advantage of his father's like that. It was why he changed his name when he turned eighteen.

Well, it was one reason.

"He seems nice enough," Heero offered when he realized his friend was looking for some of external confirmation that he wasn't weirded out by any of this.

"Oh, you will never meet anyone nicer," Quatre returned with a smile. "He was my best friend in high school, you know. I was always a little sad to see he got stuck here." Heero nodded as Quatre slipped into some sort of reverie. "He is brilliant, in his own way, he just lacks drive and focus." Then Quatre was laughing aloud and his eyes turned to Heero.

"Despite the heat here it gets pretty cold in the mountains in the winter," he explained. "Well, I think it was sophomore year, we missed out on a snow day one Friday and Duo was rather upset about that, so that weekend he hunted up some skunks, cut out the glands, and put them in the radiators of the school Sunday night. It smelt so bad the next day they let us all go home on Monday and we got our unofficial snow day. Who else would've thought up something like that?"

Quatre smiled pleasantly despite the vague sense of horror Heero felt that someone would go out of their way to kill and mutilate helpless creatures just to get a day off school. But Quatre's lack of disgust made him bite his tongue and wonder if that sort of thing was the norm here.

"I suppose that's not the most flattering story," Quatre admitted and he thought for a minute before coming up with another one. "Oh, I know. He was a fabulous quarterback. His skill stood out even in this nothing town. He never let it go to his head, though, and he always treated everyone as equals. Even after he broke his leg senior year and all the national recruiters stopped looking at him, he wasn't bitter. He spent every minute with the team, tutoring them, encouraging them, helping at practice." Quatre chewed his cheek thoughtfully for a minute. "Sometimes I wonder if that injury didn't liberate him. He seemed so much happier once colleges stopped looking at him."

"Maybe he knew he wasn't cut out for it," Heero speculated and a worried frown creased Quatre's face.

"No, he was cut out for it. But he might not have believed he was."

Heero didn't bother to question his friend further on Duo Maxwell's past. Quatre was very conscious of not divulging anything that wasn't really his to tell. It was a fact that Heero appreciated immensely about his friend. Especially after humiliating himself at the start of junior year when he finally asked Quatre on a date only to be told he was unabashedly straight. Had Quatre wanted to be cruel, he easily could've destroyed every ounce of Heero's painstakingly fought for social standing. But he didn't. In fact, in a strange way it only brought them closer.

Once he stopped trying to play matchmaker.

Then a member of staff came out with a plate of canapés and offered them as a taste test to Quatre and Heero. Quatre tasted each one and made some recommendation or another and Heero just picked the ones he thought he'd like, namely crab cakes and cold shrimp spring rolls.

"What's this about?" Heero asked after she left.

"My father likes to have these extravagant parties for my sisters and I when we come home." Quatre grimaced. "Apparently he invited basically everyone from high school."

Heero sympathized. He couldn't imagine Quatre, who just admitted to trying to hide his wealth from everyone he knew here, would want the whole town at his mansion.

"I'm surprised you went to high school here."

Quatre shrugged. "I was tutored pretty heavily outside of school. My father wasn't thrilled with the idea, you know, but I was tired of being home schooled and tired of being alone. Only my sister Elsa attended public school with me. The others did not." He turned big blue mischievous eyes to Heero. "Lucky for me, my father could never deny his only son anything he wanted."

Unfortunately, Heero didn't know that same luxury and merely nodded his head politely.

It wasn't much longer before Quatre was notified that the gate code had been entered and they walked out to the front to greet Duo. He was pulled up in a well-kept tow truck with a slight girl with short dark hair riding in the passenger side. He threw a friendly wave and a greeting before the pair unloaded Heero's rental. He gave her a hug before she was off and he was beating it up the stairs.

"Keys?" he asked, hand outstretched. Heero blinked in surprise and pulled them out of his pocket.

"Here. But I don't – ?"

But Duo had already snatched them from his hand and was running back to the car. When Heero realized he fully intended to get his bags out and carry them in he rushed down to circumvent the overly hospitable man and insist he was perfectly capable of carrying his own luggage. Duo finally gave up and relinquished the bags to Heero and he followed him back to the mansion and they let Quatre lead the way to his guest room.

"Well, let me see your phone, then," Duo demanded as they walked. Heero grabbed it rather awkwardly and managed to pass it over to Duo with a confused look as he pulled up the number pad and began typing.

"Just entering my number." He said it so casually Heero almost didn't think there was anything strange about it until he did a double take and stared back at Duo with obvious suspicion. Was he... what? Shit but it'd been so long since he'd gotten anyone's number he didn't even know if he was being reasonable or just stupidly hopeful.

Duo's lips quirked up when he caught Heero's stare. "Ya know, in case you get stuck again, you can call me to come rescue you."

Relief and disappointment flooded Heero as he turned his eyes back to Quatre. It seemed like a reasonable enough explanation, although he resented a tiny bit the implication that he needed to be rescued. But he let that feeling go as they entered an absolutely lovely room done up in various shades of blue and white and Heero unloaded his stuff on the bed.

"Okay, now what?" Duo was basically bouncing with excitement and it was so... different from the serious types Heero was used to being around that he found it strangely intoxicating. "We could go get some beers and you tell me about all the cool shit there is to do in New York because I gotta tell ya, I'm basically goin' outta my mind down here."

Quatre and Duo shared a smile that Heero thought seemed forced but then Quatre's eyes darted to him and back to Duo and it became genuine.

"You know, Heero has never had real sweet tea before. He's never been this far South."

The look of abject devastation and horror that passed over Duo's face was absolutely comical for the insignificance of the accusation.

"No, no, no. I'll have to get some Firefly and we'll hafta do this thing right." Duo bounded out of the room then. Heero shot Quatre a questioning glare and Quatre smirked unapologetically.

They found him digging around in the bar outside and he had three glasses of tea set up for them. Quatre picked his up and returned to his chair. Heero followed suit a bit hesitantly, giving Duo a skeptical glance as he returned to his seat next to Quatre. Duo pulled up a chair and sat backwards in it across from them, gulping down about half his glass quickly before leaning over and giving Heero a rather expectant look.

Heero stared down angrily at the drink and took a tentative sip. It was sweeter than anything he'd usually drink but it was certainly better than the few times he was forced into drinking iced tea back home.

"Not too bad, eh? Eh?" Duo prodded and Heero took a bigger sip as if to answer that he approved.

"Yeah, it's okay," he finally stated and the warm smile Duo beamed at him seemed worth it.

"Ya'd hardly believe there was alcohol in there, huh?" Duo teased and Heero's eyes hardened.

"There's _alcohol_ in this?"

"So are you going to tell us the grand plan of the week?" Quatre interrupted quickly and Duo broke eye contact to meet his childhood friend.

"Hell no! It's a surprise!" Duo seemed infinitely pleased that he had information to wield over Quatre. "But if 'Ro here's never had sweet tea, then I'm sure it'll all be a bit of a culture shock."

This worried Heero faintly. Duo himself was a bit of a culture shock.

"Duo," Quatre warned and Heero shot him a grateful glance. Duo blew the whole exchange off, though, with a wave of his hand.

"Don't _worry_! I'm not going to take him to any meth labs or chicken houses or snake handlers or anything. Promise!" Duo crossed his heart with a finger and Quatre seemed to relax slightly. "But now you tell me something interesting, and I'll reciprocate."

Heero listened quietly as Quatre and Duo swapped stories of their time apart, which seemed to span back until last summer. Their easy conversation was pleasant to listen to and Heero found himself on his third tea, the pleasurable effects of what Duo later confessed was a spike of sweet tea vodka hummed through him by the time the staff was setting up lights and food. Quatre's father came out at one point and introduced himself, demanding Heero make himself at home while he was there for the week. He seemed pleased to see Duo and inquired politely about his work, which for some reason gave Heero a more favorable opinion of the other man.

It wasn't long before the whole place was packed with people and Quatre was shoved between this conversation or that, repeating the same stories of his time away. But much to Heero's surprise, Duo stayed with him as Quatre was forced away, sharing amusing anecdotes about this person or that, reminding him of people's names as they walked by. When Heero tried to relieve him of his self ascribed duty, Duo merely shrugged and observed that Betty-Jo was looking quite a bit more pregnant today.

"Oh, you have to come meet 'Fei and Tro'!" Duo exclaimed suddenly, grabbing Heero's upper arm and dragging him away from the buffet when he caught sight of a fairly odd looking pair engaged in conversation with Quatre.

"Duo! Ah, thanks!" Quatre greeted. "Hey, guys, this is Heero, my friend from college. Heero, this is Wufei and Trowa."

Heero shook hands politely, noting that Wufei seemed to stand out quite a bit from the rest of the fairly white, lower-class crowd as a finely dressed Chinese man but Trowa fit in rather well in his green flannel, matching Duo's in a way. Duo immediately engaged Wufei in a rapid conversation and Heero was left fighting between listening to that and the slow, mostly unstated so-called conversation between Quatre and Trowa. Thankfully, with Duo distracted it became easy to sneak away and find a little solitude in the overwhelming social situation surrounding him.

The light faded fast in the early spring and Heero found himself a few beers into almost too drunk when Duo rejoined him, twisting off a beer cap with his bare hands and standing silently with him for a few minutes as they leaned back against the house together in the shadows of the deck overhang above them.

"Hey," Duo's eyes were alight with amusement. "Follow me."

Although Heero didn't really think that was the best idea, drunk as he was, he nonetheless found himself following that swinging braid to the side of the house where Duo opened a gate and they ascended an innumerable amount of stairs until they were on the third story deck. It wasn't covered and Duo pointed upward once they reached the center of it. Heero tilted his head back and his breath caught immediately.

The stars were astronomical. The absence of light pollution made them so clear. It reminded him immediately of The Vineyard. He could almost hear the ocean waves crashing around him, his grandfather's gentle voice explaining the constellations in the spring sky.

_"There's Leo, the lion. You can find him easily if you look for his heart. See? That bright one there? That's Regulus, the heart of the lion."_

His own heart felt too big in his chest as it pounded against his ribcage.

"You like 'em too," Duo observed breathily and Heero brought his head back downward, meeting Duo's eyes in the dim light shining up from the party.

He nodded slightly. Duo walked forward and leaned over the railing, ignoring the party below in favor of the skyline. Heero joined him, their shoulders almost brushing, the level of intoxication he was feeling and his desire to be close to someone making him a bit less mindful than usual of his proximity.

"Thanks for coming up here with me."

Heero turned to face the other man, surprised. "You should be down there visiting your friends."

Duo just shook his head. "For the most part, I see those people entirely too often," he admitted. "Well, you know, not Quat. Or 'Fei, he's at State and only comes home on the weekends sometimes. And Tro' will probably leave when he finishes his HVAC cert, if he knows what's good for him, but..." He shrugged uncomfortably. "Her, there," he pointed down then at one of several pregnant women. "That's her third in just about as many years. Husband's been out of work for fuck if I even know how long – maybe he hasn't had a job since the first one was born. Sometimes I just wonder, what the fuck are you thinking? Oh and that guy," he pointed to what Heero imagined must be the textbook definition of 'skin head.' "Fuck only knows how many times he's been in jail for stealing copper wiring, surveillance equipment, tools, all kinds of shit. Oh and he's been banging that chick forever," he pointed to a girl with a bad dye job and tight shirt. "She aborted two of his babies but he doesn't even know it. She's too damn scared what the meth would do to 'em but she can't give it up."

He laughed then, but it was a mirthless sound, and swallowed back most of his beer. "One or two of 'em on an individual basis, okay, but to be surrounded by that... eh. No thanks. I'll pass."

Silence descended on them for a minute before Heero was forced to ask the question he'd been curious about since Quatre mentioned it hours ago.

"Then why didn't you leave?"

He regretted it instantly when Duo bit his lip and began picking at the label on his bottle. "Guess Q didn't tell ya much about me, huh? I've had a few different foster parents growing up, but none of them had the money to send me to college. Grades weren't good enough for a scholarship." He shrugged again. "But it doesn't matter."

Heero was surprised he could say something like that, but Duo just gestured to the skyline with the neck of his beer. It was all blue and purple and the distinct shape of the sloping ridges could be made out easily, a deep blue-black against the star speckled sky.

"Those mountains there?" His voice was gentle, reverent. "I know every inch of 'em. When I lie in those mountains and stare up an' see all those stars... Not sure I can bear to lose that feeling." A long sigh escaped his lips. "They all can get educations, they can leave me," he gestured down to his friends, "but this is where my soul is. This is my home."

Then he turned and smiled and for a ludicrous moment when Heero looked at him he thought of Sirius.

And then Duo leaned in and his lips brushed gently against Heero's, the light warm touch sending an electric shock through his body, sobering him instantly as he fought to remain still and allow himself to believe it was really happening. It had been nearly two years since anyone had kissed him.

"Sorry," Duo apologized immediately as he pulled away, but Heero had a feeling he wasn't apologizing for the kiss. "Didn't mean to be a downer or anything. I really do 'preciate you comin' up here with me an' all so... yeah. Sorry."

But his words meant nothing in the startling realization that although Quatre may not have told him about Duo, he certainly told Duo about him.

"Quatre told you –"

"Oh no, don't blame Quat! He didn't tell me anything." Duo said seriously before his voice took on the light, teasing tone again. "Shit, man, I'm a young gay dude in a town full of red necks – you _really_ think I don't notice a well-dressed hot guy whose my age checkin' _me_ out? That's a once in a lifetime 'round here."

Heero was glad for the darkness to cover his embarrassment and he stared down at his beer awkwardly. Duo clinked the neck of his bottle against Heero's. His mouth suddenly felt dry and his throat uncomfortably tight as their eyes met once again and he hoped for a moment Duo wouldn't but he thought he might kiss him again and despite how fast it was happening he couldn't have told Duo not to if he was going to but he couldn't force himself to act so brashly either.

" _There_ you are!" a girl's voice called across the deck and Heero spun around as if they had been caught making out but Duo just turned casually, leaning back against the railing.

"You met Hilde, right?" Duo asked by way of introduction. Hilde nodded in Heero's direction but ignored him completely in favor of Duo.

"Quatre needs your help," she told him bluntly, a little bit of worry creasing her face. "Joe and Tony are getting trashed and he wants ta get everyone outta here before they go too far but you know Quat..."

Duo smiled politely and finished his beer in one gulp. "Yeah, I'll help 'em out." Duo turned and gave Heero a look he found himself hoping was disappointment. Or longing. "Q is too nice for his own good, huh? But I'll wrangle up these bunch'a drunks. It was nice talking ta ya, 'Ro." He pressed a finger to the side of his chin and drug it across his lower lip, a strangely seductive reminder of their chaste kiss that made Heero's knees just a bit weak. "I'll see ya tomorrow."

And then he was moving across the deck and Heero heard the distinct, heavy thuds as he jumped quickly down the stairs until the sounds merged with the party below. And he sat down on the deck, tucking his knees into his chest and wrapping his arms around them. He leaned back against the railing and tilted his head back up to look at the stars. A chill ran through him as the surprisingly cool wind moved across the deck and it did seem so much like the ocean for a moment. His homesickness swelled.

Easily he found the big dipper, traced out Ursa Major, and located Mizor and Alcor in his tail.

_"In Indian astronomy they're called Vashishtha and Arundhati – joined together in marriage, forever together in the sky."_

In a juvenile way he wondered just what it was that drew them together.


	2. Sunday | Day Two | Heero Tours the Mountains, Eats Pork, and Gets Caught in the Rain

Heero awoke to sunlight streaming lazily through crisp white curtains, baking him in pleasant warmth. It immediately reminded him of the brief kiss he shared with Duo on the deck under the astral blanket woven across the sky. If only he knew what he was getting himself into when he innocently agreed to accompany Quatre down here. His friend was only trying to be nice – Heero didn't _think_ he was trying to play matchmaker again, not after the last time. Not when there was something like 900 miles of continental US between the two intended targets.

He had a slight headache from dehydration and too much alcohol but nothing a little aspirin wouldn't fix. His room had a shared bathroom that was basically for his use only as Quatre had no other guests and he was pleased to find some aspirin in the medicine cabinet. Already feeling like the day was going his way, he shaved and showered, contemplating what Duo had planned for the day. He said it would be a culture shock. Heero sniggered under his breath as he made his way down the stairs to the kitchen. Duo swore no snake handling, but Heero couldn't help but wonder about Klan meetings.

Quatre was already seated in front of a small spread of waffles, pastries, fruit, and cheeses and he smiled at Heero over his buttered croissant in greeting, kicking his feet childishly against the bar from his high stool.

"Were you comfortable enough last night?" Quatre asked politely, setting down the pastry as Heero fixed himself a glass of water before joining him at the bar. "I'm sorry about the party and all that, I know that couldn't have been much fun for you, not knowing anyone."

Heero shrugged as he selected items for his plate. "It was fine, really, and I was subjected to Duo's commentary most of the time."

Quatre laughed a little and pulled off some of his croissant. "Duo..." He murmured the name thoughtfully as he chewed. "He's something else."

Heero figured that if he was going to tell Quatre about the kiss, now would be the time. But he didn't. So it would be relegated to being just one more secret between them. Just like Milliardo, the man he'd dated for two years but who his best friend didn't even know about. Maybe Duo was secretive like that.

Though it didn't really seem his style, Heero mused, to hide who he was and what he wanted. Duo definitely seemed like a very hands on, take charge and go get it kinda guy. Not exactly the type he was attracted to, despite his obvious handsomeness. Heero usually fell for older, calculating, manipulative men. Quatre had been an attempt to merge the intellectual strategist with a kind-hearted personality – and Quatre crashed and burned before it even hit the runway.

But quickly Heero banished those thoughts to a dark corner of his mind. He wasn't looking for love anyway. Especially not _here_. Especially not with a man who had no college education or any desire to procure one and who he'd met less than twenty-four hours ago.

"Did he say when he would be over?" Heero inquired of his friend and Quatre shook his head.

"He said morning but for Duo that could be anywhere between four a.m. and noon."

Quatre chuckled. Heero rolled his eyes. He was a stickler for punctuality.

But despite Quatre's warning, today Duo had impeccable timing and just as Heero was finishing his plate a member of the staff was informing Quatre that Duo's guest number had been entered into the gate keypad. They finished quickly and arrived at the front door just in time to see Duo roll up on a sleek black sport bike with Trowa and Wufei – and a woman Heero remembered meeting but couldn't remember the name of sitting behind the Chinese man – on their own motorcycles. Quatre was laughing and shaking his head as Duo hopped off first, beating everyone else up the stairs to greet them.

Heero's cool glare didn't betray how absolutely stunning Duo looked in form fitting black jeans with a trim black leather riding jacket on, hair mused from the helmet tucked under his arm. Red flannel peaked out from under the jacket, a subtle reminder of his Southern roots. He smiled easy and his eyes shone with excitement.

"Today, we're takin' 'Ro on a tour!" he announced enthusiastically, words tumbling out of his mouth much quicker than Heero expected for a Southerner with that clumsy accent. "Spring time is fuckin' gorgeous 'round here anyway. You probably wanna get some jackets, though, ya know, cause it can get chilly. Oh and you remember Trowa, Wufei, and Sally, right 'Ro?" he asked as the others headed up at a more leisurely pace.

Heero nodded, grateful that Duo was thoughtful enough to offer their names before he had to ask for Sally's. He was intrigued by the relationship between the two and they both seemed somewhat out of place but he held back his curiosity. He knew Wufei moved here when he was thirteen and did in fact attend all of high school with the other three guys, but he wasn't sure what Sally's story was other than that she appeared to be Wufei's girlfriend. She also appeared to be a bit older than him and not from around here. Heero couldn't say exactly what it was about her that made her stand out, other than her obvious level of class and lack of accent, but she just didn't hold herself like she belonged. He was sure eventually Duo would tell him.

"Oh, are you sure...?" Quatre asked Duo, carefully taking a peek at Heero to judge his level of comfort.

For his part, Heero had never driven a motorcycle before, nor did he ever intend to. But he had made a little agreement with his grandfather last night as he stared up at the stars that he wouldn't be judgmental. He wouldn't be like his father. He would try and open up and do the things Duo planned for them, even if he thought they were silly or meaningless. His grandfather would've wanted it to be that way.

_"Don't be nervous, don't be scared. You are a Yuy – you have the heart of a lion. Live up to your name."_

Heero stared at the bikes, then back at Duo, and nodded his consent. Quatre shrugged and went back into the house to get them jackets and Duo was left beaming at him.

"Hey 'Fei – Sal's never been over on Six Gap, has she?" Duo asked and a smile flitted across Trowa's face at the same time Wufei shook his head. If possible, Duo's smile grew wider. "Awesome! I know where _we're_ going then."

"Just be careful, Duo," Sally admonished seriously with a teasing wink. "Wufei's not driven in months and I'm just not sure he can handle it." She jabbed him with a teasing finger as his face clouded darkly at the suggestion that he was somehow inferior to Duo and Trowa.

"I will be fine," he stated with absolute certainty as she laughed, snaking an arm through his and kissing his cheek.

"You're sure all those term papers in women's studies haven't eroded your rugged masculinity...?" she joked with doe eyes gently appraising him.

Wufei just shook his head hotly. Duo and Trowa shared a look and a smile that Heero didn't quite understand.

Quatre returned with heavy jackets and handed one off to Heero with the hope that it fit. Heero shrugged into it as they descended the stairs and Duo clapped him on the back.

"'Ro's with me," Duo announced, grabbing an additional helmet from where it rested on the back of his bike and offering it to Heero. He hesitated. For some reason it hadn't occurred to him that he was going to have to ride bitch to Duo and the idea rankled. Ever since Milliardo left he refused to be degraded or do anything that called into question his masculinity.

He spared a glance for Quatre who was easily accepting a helmet from Trowa and returned a confidence-boosting smile. Well, if Quatre was straight and he didn't mind riding behind another man, it seemed asinine to make a big production out of it. Besides, it's not as if Heero had a motorcycle license.

Resigning himself to his fate, he accepted the helmet cautiously. Duo helped him fit it and Heero swallowed as those oil-stained fingers slid across his neck flirtatiously before withdrawing. He couldn't help but glare back at Duo's amused eyes as he flipped down the visor.

It also foolishly didn't occur to Heero just how close he was going to have to sit next to Duo and what feelings that position would evoke within him. He carefully leaned back as far as possible without looking absolutely ridiculous and rested his hands on his own thighs. Quatre seemed to have no problem sitting right up next to Trowa, a hand resting easily on his friend's hip for support as he adjusted himself on the back of the bike. Heero bit down a hint of old jealousy, knowing there was nothing sexual between the two men but unable to stop his desire for something he wanted but could never have.

"Have you ever been on a bike like this before?" Duo asked, looking over his shoulder, and Heero shook his head. He couldn't see Duo's expression then but once he was facing forward again he quickly grabbed the back of Heero's knees, dragging him forward so that their bodies were flush right up against one another. Heero was shocked and off balance and he reached forward, his hands grabbing the first thing they met – which happened to be Duo's waist.

He swore he heard the sound of laughter but it was cut off by the ignition and they were off with a start. Heero sulked over being tricked but he had a chance to get readjusted as they slowed for the gate to open and turned more carefully onto the main road.

The ride was easy at first and they passed through what Heero assumed had to be 'town' although it was really only a few streets with local shops lined up on them and a station where a train loaded and unloaded tourists. He quickly picked up the feel for riding behind someone and began to lean into the turns with Duo, their bodies working in tandem in a way that was unique and familiar all at the same time.

It was overcast and the weather was surprisingly chilly on the back of the bike but Heero had never minded the cold. And it felt almost like sailing as they breezed easily by fenced pastures and rolling mountain vistas and little dilapidated shacks. And as his eyes floated over the scenery he wondered about Duo. He wondered how many men he'd been with. He wondered what it was like to be gay and so isolated. He wondered if his best friends even knew about his persuasion. They certainly didn't seem put off by it. Maybe Duo really _was_ like Milliardo. Certainly Quatre would've warned him if he knew Duo was gay – right?

Heero was thankful when the road became more aggressive and his focus turned to the changes in Duo's body as he compensated for hills and turns. He rebuked himself, remembering that none of Duo's past mattered because he wasn't trying to build any kind of future with him. He was just trying to get through this week as easily and as open-mindedly as possible.

He had noted they had been ascending for a while when they crested a hill and a breathtaking panorama appeared before them and Duo slowed drastically as they began their descent so that everyone had a moment to appreciate it. Heero had been in the mountains before – after all, Cornell was in upstate New York – but the lovely blue-green cast to these was noticeably different. The sun dappling across them through the clouds was distinctly oceanic.

But just as quickly as he had slowed, Duo tensed suddenly and released a roaring shout that sounded conspicuously like those let loose on roller coasters and he hit the throttle hard. In a mad rush of panic Heero threw his arms around the other man and clung to him as they swerved quickly through the turns, the bike leaning left then right, and Heero could feel the shuddering laughter in Duo's body against his chest and under his fingers even through all their layers of clothing.

Despite himself, Heero found he was smiling and his grip was relaxing as he laid his head against Duo's back, tentatively giving in to the rush and the wonderful out-of-control feeling the speed and the turns provided. Knowing they must've left his friends far behind in their aggressive sprint down the mountain, Heero allowed himself to slip his fingers up under Duo's jacket, feeling the soft flannel and his taunt abs underneath. He shivered as the wind whipped by and he held the other man close to him, pressing their bodies together in a weak moment of exhilaration.

When the road evened out far too soon, Duo laid one hand over Heero's, lacing their fingers together and squeezing tightly. The touch shocked Heero out of his self-indulgence and once Duo's hand was gone his own slid across to Duo's hips before falling back onto his own thighs again. Reluctantly, he sat up a little straighter as he heard Trowa's bike before he saw it. And then Trowa passed Duo, Quatre waving an admonishing finger back at him, causing Duo to playfully flip him the bird.

The sky grew darker as they headed back towards town and Heero could tell they started driving a bit more insistently in order to stay ahead of a storm. They managed to make it to a long, wooden building with the roof painted pink and boasting the name "The Pink Pig." Heero remembered seeing signs for it on the road as they approached but he didn't realize it was their destination.

He guessed it had to be lunch by then, that they had been out for probably three, maybe four hours, but it wasn't until Duo parked the bike and they were climbing off that Heero realized just how hungry he was. Duo was smiling at him gratuitously as Heero pulled off his helmet and swiped at the sweat on his brow with the back of his arm. He lifted a curious eyebrow and Duo reached out and swatted Heero's hair.

"It looks ridiculous!"

Heero scowled and batted away his hand. "You're one to talk," he shot back, Duo's bangs sticking wildly to his forehead and flying off haphazardly with the wind. Duo just pressed his palm to his sweaty forehead and stroked upward so his bangs stood straight up for a moment and laughed. Heero shook his head, admittedly a bit amused. He was used to being surrounded by people who refused to ever have a crooked lapel or a hair out of place.

"Ah, Duo, good choice!" Quatre said happily as he and Trowa converged on them.

"I know how much ya like this place," Duo replied with a pleased grin. Heero looked back at the obnoxious building. He'd been to many crab shacks on the coast in his time but this... It smelled of smoke and sweet and things he couldn't place. But if Quatre liked it, he'd have to trust it.

"It looks like rain though..." The statement was obvious. Quatre scanned the sky nervously as Wufei and Sally joined them.

"I can only hope!" Duo exclaimed as they entered the establishment. "We need the rain for tomorrow's activities."

Heero couldn't fathom anything that specifically required rain the previous day but Quatre looked vaguely suspicious. If Trowa knew he wasn't sharing and Sally was dragging Wufei off to a room behind the hostess' stand filled with trinkets and Americana styled junk and they likely didn't hear Duo at all.

They got a table in the long, almost house-like building and Heero stared at the menu with a bit of confusion, having never been to a place that offered things like pork plates and Brunswick stew and fried chicken livers. But he supposed he didn't really have to order for himself if he didn't want – Duo would probably do it for him. The thought humored him.

Sally and Wufei had just wandered back to the table when the waitress came for the drink order and when Heero ordered water Duo added a sweet tea on for him. He bit down a smirk for his premonitory talents.

"Have any questions, 'Ro?" Duo asked as he slammed shut his own menu as if announcing he was ready to order.

"Have you ever had barbeque like this before?" Quatre inquired and Heero shook his head.

"No, I don't think so."

Trowa, who sat next to Duo and at a diagonal to Heero seemed perplexed. Quatre, who sat to Heero's left, turned to face him.

"They don't really have pit barbeque in the North," he explained. "When Northerners say barbeque what they mean is grilling." Heero's eyes narrowed at Quatre's explanation, as it was news to him as well. Quatre noticed his stare and laughed. "The first few times I was invited to a barbeque on campus I was so disappointed – there was no pork! No sauce!"

"You don't mean just burgers, hot dogs, shish kabobs, things like that?" Heero asked and Duo shook his head vehemently.

"Oh, no, barbeque is in the _soul_ ," he explained, his hands gesturing in some full-bodied way that Heero couldn't quite grasp, his voice taking on a deep, appreciative tone. "Barbeque is in the sauce, it's in the pit, it's in the time it takes to roast that meat until it's so tender it falls apart before it even reaches your fuckin' mouth. Barbeque is in the blood and sweat of the man stoking the flames to bring you every delicious morsel. Barbeque is –"

"Don't listen to Maxwell's romantic nonsense," Wufei interjected suddenly much to Duo's frustration. "Barbeque is just a method of cooking dependent entirely on the cook, just as all methods of cooking are. It varies regionally. This is more North Carolina style barbeque than anything. I'm sure in Texas they wouldn't acknowledge it as barbeque either."

"Way to be a killjoy," Duo shot back petulantly but Heero shut his own menu and stared hard at the braided man across from him, getting his attention immediately.

"Well, then, since you know so much about it and I know nothing – you order for me."

Duo's eyes widened in surprise and then his lips jerked up into that signature grin. "Ya mean it?"

Heero shrugged. "Sure." And then he felt Duo's leg press teasingly up against his own for a brief moment and he tried desperately not to blush.

After Duo verified that he did in fact like pork, the waitress ended up coming back with their drinks and to take their order.

"So did Duo confide his mystery plans to you?" Quatre asked of Trowa, who smiled faintly as he received a warning glare from Duo.

"I really can't say if he did or if he didn't," Trowa murmured to Duo's relief and Quatre huffed and turned to Wufei.

"Well, do _you_ know too?"

"Honestly, I do not," Wufei replied sincerely but then Sally made a small sound and all eyes shifted to her guilty looking face.

"You told _her_?" Quatre accused of Duo while she bit her lip on a smile.

"Don't be mad," she offered. "Wufei wasn't in the room when Duo worked it over with Trowa. But Cathy and I were there and we had to be involved so that we could make our own plans."

"But you took some oath of silence too, huh?" Quatre asked and she laughed.

"Yeah, you could say that."

"Why do I have to be left as ignorant as them?" Wufei asked her, jerking a thumb at Quatre and Heero.

"Should have been there," she shrugged.

"Wait, when did you plan this? Sally and Wufei just got into town yesterday too," Quatre pointed out.

Heero knew that when Quatre wanted to figure something out, every angle was studied, every possible question asked, and that this line of inquiry could last hours without any actual information being procured from his four friends. Heero wondered if Duo designed this whole week just to fuck with Quatre's head.

Duo shrugged and looked abashed. "Mostly this morning."

"But yesterday you said –"

"Well, I _did_ have a _few_ things planned, but I didn't know how bad ya'll needed me 'til I showed up."

"You are so full of yourself, Duo Maxwell," Quatre admonished with a warm smile.

"Guilty as charged," he admitted easily.

They didn't have to wait much longer for their food to arrive despite how packed the place was and Heero stared down at a half rack of ribs and plate of chopped meat with thick brown sauce drizzled over it – plus green beans, which he found an amusingly 'healthy' side option considering the sugary smell of the meat – and a big fluffy roll. Duo had a huge plate of ribs of his own and he immediately ripped off a piece with his fingers to taste, licking the sauce from them in an appreciative and unintentionally carnal way that made Heero feel suddenly uncomfortable. If Duo really intended to eat his entire plate that way, Heero didn't know how he would make it through the next half hour.

He laid his napkin across his lap as a distraction and picked up a speculative forkful of chopped meat – something Duo explained was pulled pork. He felt very far from the coast then, very far from the fresh caught lobster he loved and the smell of salt and his heart ached.

Duo attempted not to watch him expectantly as he tried it and the flavor, while bold and overstated and overly sweet, was not unpleasant. It was surprisingly complimentary to the salty meat and he gave Duo a tentative smile of approval. Duo beamed back and dug into his own food with relief.

But when he caught Heero attempting to eat his own ribs with a fork he felt compelled to get involved.

"No, no, you can't do it like that," he explained, his eyes teasing. "You have to _feel_ the food – let it inta your _soul_."

Coming from a background where he often used three different types of fork in one meal, the statement seemed particularly outrageous.

"Like this," Duo demonstrated, picking up his own rib and tearing the meat off with his teeth, and Heero was pretty damned sure he was intentionally flirting as he picked at the bone with his fingers, licking at them enthusiastically. Heero's face felt hot – not to mention _other_ parts of him – and he was grateful for Wufei's interruption.

"You can eat your food any way you damn well like," Wufei told Heero with a pointed glare at Duo. Duo just laughed and stuck his tongue out at his friend.

And then there was a deafening crack of thunder and Duo cheered as the lights flickered and rain could be heard pounding on the metal roof above them. Heero clenched his hands tight under the table and it was like that shiny wooden coffin was right there, right in front of him again.

He couldn't do it. He could force his feet forward. He wanted to. He wanted to see her one last time, ask her to hold him but he couldn't. He was too old for that now. And anyway, she was dead.

_"It's okay, you don't have to."_

The relief he felt at those simple words from his grandfather was overwhelming. He sat down next to Heero then, on that little settee that was in some ironic way just his mother's style – though she would never see it – and he put a big, warm hand on Heero's shoulder. Heero focused on the rain pattering against the window behind them – focused on that so that he wouldn't cry. He was too old to cry. That's what his father had told him. No one wanted to see a grown man cry.

He wanted to be a man, he wanted that so badly. But he didn't feel very much like a man just then.

_"She isn't gone, you know."_

Then his grandfather's finger was resting on his temple.

_"She's here, with you all the time. When you think of her, she'll be there with you. She'll be there to guide you."_

One big finger over his little heart, beating in agony although her's no longer did.

_"And she's here. When you remember the way she made you feel, she'll be there with you. She'll still be there to love you."_

His hands trembled under the table and he fought not to bring them up to his heart, to help remember those words now, offered when he was only eight years old and forced to bury his mother. He wasn't a man then, despite what his father might have said, but he was a man now. And men didn't cry.

But the overlapping memory was too fresh, too recent, of his grandfather's casket being lowered into the ground. Of everyone turning away, turning back to the shelter of their cars as the sky opened up to mimic his grief. And though he was offered an umbrella he refused because he knew that with the rain dripping down his face no one would be able to tell he was crying.

For the first time in the thirteen years since her funeral, he had been thankful for the rain.

He was startled from his thoughts by a foot hooking under his leg and he opened painfully dry eyes to meet Duo's obvious concern. In embarrassment and horror he realized that they were all looking at him, Quatre's hand even rested on his back in an attempt at comfort for an ache so deep it couldn't be reached by anyone other than himself.

"Are you okay?" Duo asked carefully.

Heero swallowed and cleared his throat. "Yeah – sorry. I..."

But he didn't know what to say. Quatre's hand stayed an extra moment before he let it fall. Trowa looked away to allow him some privacy. Duo's foot dropped back to the floor but he kept his leg stretched out so that their calves stayed pressed together. Heero appreciated the furtive contact more than he'd care to admit.

Although Heero tried to drag his thoughts to the conversation around him he found it difficult. He ate mechanically, the food on his plate losing all flavor in spite of itself.

Despite various protests, Quatre picked up the tab and they refit their helmets under the porch overhang before braving the rain.

"We'll probably just head back to my parents," Wufei spoke for him and Sally and so they said their goodbyes and Heero turned darkly to face the elements.

Duo tucked his braid back under his jacket and watched Heero carefully for a moment. Heero felt the eyes on him and met them when he felt ready with a slight nod. He knew the other man couldn't guess what was on his mind, where his dark thoughts lay, but for some reason he felt like Duo understood and that, stupidly, he cared.

The rain soaked them the instant they stepped off the porch but Heero didn't care. He slid easily up next to Duo, desperate for the sympathy and touch of another human being – even if he was just using him selfishly, without his consent, for his own comfort. It wasn't the same, but it had to be enough.

Duo reached back and squeezed his knee tightly for a moment before he started the bike and they sped off through the rain, following Quatre and Trowa back to his house. Although he kept his hands on his own thighs, Heero let himself lay against Duo's back, feeling protected in the onslaught. He closed his eyes and focused on the feeling of Duo moving with a turn, the feeling of him breathing hard, his concentration dedicated solely to the road and their safety in the poor weather. And he was thankful for the distraction because he was afraid if he let himself cry he'd just never stop.

He sat up though as they slowed when they got to the gate and he felt a little more able to cope by the time they got to the top of the driveway, one of the doors of the four car garage waiting open for them to pull into. Heero dismounted and removed his helmet. They all looked a bit like drowned rats.

"We'll have to take showers," Quatre announced.

"You don't mind?" Duo asked and Quatre shook his head.

"No. I've got some stuff you can change into and I'll have Jennifer wash and dry your things if you don't mind staying for a while."

Duo smiled and looked at Heero as he accepted the spare helmet back. "Yeah, that'd be cool, if ya don't mind us hangin' 'round, be nice ta wait 'til it stopped pourin' down the rain." But the way he looked at Heero made him feel like he was asking _his_ permission, not Quatre's.

So Heero shrugged as Quatre reiterated that it was no problem. They started walking to the door that connected the garage to the house by a short hallway but Duo didn't move. Heero looked back to question him and Duo just waved his hand, taking off his jacket and throwing it over the bike.

"Y'all go on – I'll be in ina minute!"

No one questioned him as they walked in together. Quatre was directing Trowa to a shower as Heero made his way up to his room to grab a change of clothes and take a shower of his own, hoping the warm water would wash away the emotional funk he was in. But as he passed by the window he did a double take and pulled back the sheer curtains to see Duo standing in the middle of the driveway, his face upturned, his arms outstretched, letting the rain beat down on him.

Heero stood transfixed, watching the strange man act as though he were in some kind of religious trance, praying to the rain. He wondered at that, what Duo felt when he was standing there, why he was moved to do such a ridiculous thing. When Duo's arms finally dropped and turned around to head into the house, Heero easily caught the reverent smile plastered on his face.


	3. Monday | Day Three | Heero Goes on a Picnic in the Mud

They ended up watching stupid zombie movies on Quatre's big screen in the basement and ordering pizza as the rain continued into the evening. Mostly Quatre laughed as Trowa criticized the special effects and Duo imitated the worst of the zombie acting, much to everyone's amusement and dismay intermittently, depending on if they were the living target or not.

Right before they left, when Quatre went to get their freshly cleaned clothing and Trowa excused himself to the bathroom, Heero had a brief moment alone with Duo in which Duo flopped down on the couch next to him, threw an arm over his shoulder, and then wrapped him into a short, tight hug. The type of hug he desperately needed three months ago. Warm and caring and simple, no strings attached. And Duo didn't say anything when he pulled away, he just smiled and rested his hand lightly on his shoulder for a minute before drawing it across his shoulders and down his arm, causing Heero to shiver.

"I hope you have fun this week."

Heero contemplated the soft whisper as he threw on a hunter green tank top and the most faded pair of jeans he'd brought as Duo had warned them before he left not to wear anything nice and that the humidity would probably be ridiculous. But those words reverberated around his brain the whole time he was getting ready. Fun? Heero couldn't remember the last time he'd had fun. He would like to say he'd had fun at some point with Milliardo, but then he felt like it would just be a lie. Milliardo always regulated fun, always forced him to look a certain way or act a certain way and even when they were in the privacy of his apartment he would be domineering and maybe at some point that was fun, or at least sexy and intriguing, but it hadn't been, not since the beginning.

He thought back to the summer after he graduated from boarding school and he spent it at The Vineyard sleeping in and eating lobster every other night and sailing the coast with his grandfather and although those easy, lazy days seemed eclipsed by the positive leukemia diagnosis he did suppose he'd had fun then. He wondered if it were even possible for him to have fun any more after so long. He wondered if it had ever been possible or if he was just too screwed up, left alone too long.

"Do you have any idea what the plan for today is?" Heero asked of Quatre as they wolfed down a quick breakfast.

"I'm afraid to say," Quatre admitted with a grimace. "I have my suspicions, but I don't want to negatively influence your experience."

Heero lifted an eyebrow.

"It's not something people do at Cornell. Probably not in the Northeast at all, frankly."

The fact that Quatre was being evasive certainly didn't put Heero at ease but he accepted that at this point it was futile to try fighting Duo. And really, he didn't exactly want to. Despite having just met, Duo seemed genuinely interested in showing Heero and Quatre a good time while they were there. Heero was forced to appreciate that sincerity.

When Duo showed up he had Trowa, Wufei, Sally, Hilde and yet another girl with him, split between a beat up blue Bronco and an older but well maintained yellow Jeep with the top and the doors off. The girls were all packed in the back of Jeep laughing while Duo hopped out of the driver's seat and met Heero and Quatre in the drive way.

"How many vehicles do you have?" Heero asked incredulously, thinking of the pick-up and the motorcycle and now these two.

"I like to try'n fix broken things," Duo explained with a shrug and a guilty smile. "But the Jeep's Cathy's. And you're with me n' the chicks. That way Q can catch up with 'Fei and Tro', yeah?"

Quatre nodded, casting a skeptical glance at the two vehicles.

"Don't we need something with a bit more torque?" he asked and Duo waved his hand. Heero's curiosity peaked with the question.

"Trant and Otto are gunna meet us down there." He punched Quatre's arm. "You figured it out, huh? Tell 'Ro?" His blue eyes questioned Heero by looking to see if he could read any hint of understanding on his face.

"No." Quatre smiled a conspirator's smile. "I'm forcing him to wait and see. I'm sure it's nothing he's ever done before."

"Aw, don't worry!" Duo enthused with a wink. "You'll be great at it if Saturday is any indication...!" Heero tried to think of anything he did Saturday that hinted at today's activities but couldn't think of anything other than Duo kissing him and the stars.

"Oh, by the way," Duo was explaining quietly, "Cathy is Tro's sister. She actually knows Sally from State. They had a bunch'a undergrad classes together since Sally was pre-med and Cathy veterinary."

Once again, Heero found himself appreciating Duo's forethought. Milliardo loved to keep him in the dark and watch him struggle to figure out people's names and relationships before he put his foot in his mouth. Most often he just ended up not talking because it was easier than facing Milliardo's wrath if he did fuck up and say the wrong thing.

They climbed into the Jeep and Hilde mock swooned over them and Cathy joined her by fanning her face with her hand.

"Ahhh we're so lucky ta get the hot ones in _our_ car," Hilde teased.

"Too bad I don't go for younger men," Cathy cooed. "But you hafta watch out for Sally!" Heero heard a smack and looked back to see Sally grinning at her friend as she swatted her.

"Too bad we're _both_ off limits," Duo shot back with a coy look as he turned the key in the ignition.

"Oh, Heero, you have a girlfriend?" Hilde asked, leaning over the seat between them, sitting in the middle as she was. Then she smirked. "Or are you gay too?"

Heero couldn't believe she just came out and asked that but he supposed it answered the question of whether Duo's friends knew where his preferences lay, at least.

"Hilde!" Duo reprimanded, brows furrowed. "That's completely inappropriate!"

"No," Heero corrected quickly, "it's fine. I don't hide it." Duo's eyes turned to him, eyebrows raised in surprise. "I am gay."

"Oh, ho ho!" Hilde crowed as the other girls laughed. " _That's_ why Duo's showin' you so much favoritism!"

Duo blushed furiously and shook his head, eyes on the Bronco in front of him as the gate at the end of Quatre's drive rolled open. "No! It's not like that!" he defended himself adamantly. "I just – I only wanted – he's Quat's friend and – they're only here for a week –" He sputtered and Heero found himself smirking at seeing Duo, so casual and composed and self-assured, completely unable to form a reasonable reply. Duo had glanced carefully over at him and, upon seeing his smirk, visibly eased.

"Oh, _com'on_ Duo, we all know you haven't been laid in like seven hundred years!"

"Hil', I could duct tape that mouth'a yer's shut!" Duo snapped in embarrassment but she just smacked his shoulder with the back of her hand.

"Heero don't care, right?" Hilde wheedled, eyes shining, triumphant that she had something to rib him about. "You don't care if Duo's a virgin."

"I am _not_ a – !" Duo exploded, then stopped, realizing he was just being wound up. "Can we find something _else_ to talk about?"

Hilde slumped back in her seat dejectedly but Heero, emboldened by the knowledge that everything was out in the open and none of them cared, let his hand brush gently over Duo's where it rested on the gear stick. Duo smiled effortlessly then, returning to his normal, cheerful disposition just like that.

"Okay, how 'bout this?" Hilde offered as she leaned back over the seat. "We don't know anythin' 'bout ya. What are you studyin' up there with Quatre?"

"Pre-law," Heero answered. In an attempt to honor his promise to his grandfather, he elaborated, although it wasn't his natural inclination. "I graduate with my undergrad in May but I intend to get my doctorate."

"Ahhh, _another_ smarty-pants, 'eh? Duo and I can't compete with ya'll," Hilde frowned and Heero felt uneasy then. Perhaps his method of less is more was the better way to go in all social situations.

"What area?" Sally asked, leaning forward and forcing Hilde to shift back. "Wufei is going into Criminal Practice, you know?"

Heero's eyes widened slightly. "I didn't know that. My undergrad is in International Trade and Development as I anticipated going into International Business Law. Cornell has a great J.D. program partnered with a firm in Tokyo. But..." Heero paused, then divulged his secret with some reservation, "recently I've felt more inclined towards going Civil Rights and children's advocacy."

Duo blinked and stared at him in astonishment as they turned onto the highway. Sally was patting him on the shoulder. "Good for you!"

"Ya mean that?" Duo asked carefully, as if Heero's answer would shatter some illusion he'd just created with his admission.

"Yeah." Heero shrugged self-consciously. "It doesn't make anywhere near as much money but –"

"It's not always about the money," Duo finished for him, a tentative smile on his face, different from the other smiles he'd seen Duo use. More like when they were on the deck, staring at the stars. More like when he turned around in the rain.

"Well, howdja meet Quatre then?" Hilde asked, interrupting their moment. "He's in business, right?"

Heero nodded, the wind picking up around them as Duo's speed increased now that they were on the less restrictive highway.

"Entrepreneurship, specifically. We're in the same school. First year roommates," Heero replied, raising his voice to counteract the wind whipping through the open vehicle.

Hilde nodded in return and then sat back in her seat, realizing conversation between them was going to be too difficult.

Duo punched the radio and turned up the volume, country music easily filling the space between them, seeming appropriate despite the fact that Heero would never have made the selection himself. He realized after about ten minutes that Duo was singing along to every song quietly, but growing louder. The girls in the back were managing to carry on some sort of conversation and in an attempt to draw out Duo's confidence, Heero turned to stare out across the landscape.

As he anticipated, Duo's volume grew until he was audible even to Heero and he had to turn around and stare at the braided man. Even with the wind muffling the sound, Heero could tell he had a lovely singing voice. And his passion for it was entertaining as he would beat the rhythm on the steering wheel or his thigh and his shoulders would roll and rock like it was a full body experience for him. But when he caught Heero staring he stopped immediately, grip tightening on the wheel. Heero found his shyness more than a little amusing. He reached over the turned the volume up a notch, indicating that he was enjoying it. Softly, Duo started again until he was back to belting the words out shamelessly.

Less than an hour later when the mountains had changed to gentle, rolling hills they pulled off onto a rural route and Duo turned down the radio.

"You know how to drive a stick, 'Ro?" he asked and Heero scoffed.

"Of course."

"Just know if y'all burn out my clutch, you're fixin' it Duo!" Cathy chimed from behind him, jabbing his shoulder blade with a finger.

"As if anyone else'd touch your Jeep!"

"And you're washing it, too, remember, you promised!"

"I promised," Duo agreed solemnly. "I'll do it soon as we're back ta Quat's so the undercarriage won't rust. Oh, hey, 'Ro, pop open that glove compartment will ya? We're almost there. I gotcha a present." Heero glanced at him askance and Duo chuckled. "Don't worry. It was like a buck fifty at the dollar store."

Heero complied and out fell two pairs of huge aviator shades, one the traditional black and one pink with thick, chunky frames. He picked them up skeptically.

"The pink ones are mine!" Duo called dibs, snatching them from Heero's grasp, opening the handles with his teeth and placing them triumphantly on his face. "Pink's my color, goes great with this baby blue tee, doncha think?" He met Heero's gaze over the rims. "Unless you're jealous...? And I'm not talkin' 'bout of how good I look. If you want 'em I'll share!"

Heero was grinning and shook his head, putting on his own shades and glancing at himself in the rearview mirror. They looked fairly ridiculous, covering half his face. But Duo did look pretty damn good with his hair windswept and those ridiculous shades and that thin, tight blue shirt and all that sexy self-confidence he possessed.

When they eventually pulled up to a cleared construction site a few square miles in size Heero stared skeptically at their surroundings. There was a foreclosure sign posted over the construction company's that looked to have been there a while due to the amount of sun bleaching and they pulled up beside the Bronco, a Ford F150, and yet another Jeep, which Heero assumed must be Otto and Trant's vehicles. The humidity reminded him of yesterday's rain and he stared off across the open field with curiosity. The whole thing had to be nothing but a giant mud pit.

Heero noted the rebel flag painted across the hood of the truck and fought the urge to roll his eyes. He had been glad not to encounter such stupidity up to this point but he supposed it was inevitable.

"Hey Otto, Trant!" Duo was jumping out of the vehicle and Heero and the girls followed. When Heero met up with Duo he got straight to introductions.

"Love those bitch shades," Trant sneered sarcastically and though Heero expected more of an altercation, Duo just laughed and threw his arm around Trant's shoulder, drawing him in close, nearly pressing his nose to Trant's cheek.

"You're just jealous you can never have this," he purred seductively, running his other hand down his torso, Trant stiff and uncomfortable as he shoved Duo off of him.

The girls and the other guys were laughing and Heero relaxed when he realized the comment wouldn't come to blows. He'd been there before when someone made a comment in reference to Milliardo's supposed but never even confirmed homosexuality – usually it ended with blood.

"'Ro can drive stick, so I'm gonna let him drive," Duo announced to Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei – who all looked suspiciously amused. Heero didn't really understand exactly what type of driving he would be doing, but he'd done plenty of street racing in his Jag back in Ithaca – though none of the vehicles present appeared to be ideal for street racing.

"You guys go first, huh? I'll give 'Ro the run down." And then Duo gripped his upper arm and dragged him back towards Cathy's Jeep while the others worked out their vehicle configurations.

When they were seated in the Jeep once more Heero turned curious eyes on Duo, who handed him the keys. His fingers brushing against Heero's palm felt electric and he tried to hide it but he felt Duo probably knew.

"Hey," Duo rested a hand on his shoulder as Heero put the key in the ignition. He paused to look at the other man. "Don't worry 'bout Trant. He likes me well 'nuff, most people are used ta me by now, but he can't help it, yanno? Just how he was raised. But he knows I'm no bitch – beat the shit outta him a few times in high school."

"Is it hard for you?" Heero found himself asking.

"What? Livin' here?" Heero nodded and Duo appeared contemplative. "I mean yeah, it sure limits the number of eligible bachelors – but I don't know no else." He ripped a beer from the six-pack at his feet and popped the tab, swigging back a mouthful. He tilted it towards Heero who eyed him suspiciously. "Want some?"

"I'm driving."

Duo laughed. "Yeah – you should have some. Don't worry – we're not going on the road. Besides – splittin' six between us? Nuthin'." Heero accepted the can with serious reservations but took a swallow anyway, the cool carbonation feeling good in the high humidity. He passed the can back and Duo pointed with it in his hand as the Bronco started forward into the field at a quick clip.

"Welcome to your introductory course in mudding," Duo started with a grin.

"What is the object of this?" Heero asked as the Bronco slid and spun for a minute.

Duo laughed, threw back the rest of the beer in a few gulps, then smashed the can on the dash. "To get stuck. Or dirty as hell. Or just to spin the fuck out, yanno, since you can't normally do these kinda maneuvers in traffic." He opened another beer and handed it to Heero. "Just to have fun."

Heero started at the beer can in his hand. Fun. Duo seemed to always be having fun. Even when people were giving him shit he played it off like it was fun. He smiled. He joked.

_"Tell me about your life here. What do you boys do for fun?"_

Heero didn't know what to say. Heero didn't know how to tell him he didn't understand the question. How could he have fun when she was no longer here? Wouldn't it tarnish her memory?

Defying the ten-year-old boy at boarding school he chugged back half the beer and handed it back to Duo, who punched his arm triumphantly. If he was supposed to drive this Jeep through a mud pit while intoxicated to have fun then he was damn well going to drive through that mud pit while intoxicated and he was going to do it better than anyone else.

He hit the gas hard and the tires spun for a second and they took off. Duo cheered and swung his fist in the air as he finished the beer and threw the can to the floor.

They slid almost immediately as Heero overpowered on the terrain and Duo laughed. "This vehicle is lifted but these sure ain't mud tires," Duo warned but Heero shrugged.

"Wouldn't know the difference," he admitted as he shifted gears quickly and got them started again.

It became obvious once they were in the thick of things that this place was heavily used by other mud enthusiasts as tracks and ruts covered the whole field. Heero got into the Bronco's formerly etched path and slid along easily, picking up speed.

"Brace yourself," he warned Duo tersely as he down shifted and threw the wheel into a spin.

Duo cheered as they spun out, a great arc of mud flying out from under the tires, splashing across the windshield and splattering them inside the totally open vehicle. The first thing Heero noticed when the Jeep came to a stop was Duo's warm, full-bodied laughter as he slicked mud off his arms. The second was the unstoppable grin that split his own muddy face.

"Aw man, that was great! You're a natural, huh?" Duo enthused much to Heero's satisfaction. They looked out across the field to see the girls gleefully clapping at the spectacle.

"I've pulled some rather... complicated maneuvers in street races back home," he admitted as he reined in his smile and composed himself while Duo broke out a celebratory beer for them to split.

"Street racing?" Duo asked dubiously as Heero drank.

"It's a long story," he said simply, passing the can back. It _was_ a long story that mostly involved Milliardo and the stupid shit he did to impress him and only a little bit involved his honest enjoyment of high-risk activities. And he didn't really want to think about his ex while he sat next to a very sexy man who was clearly enjoying his company.

By the time lunch rolled around three other vehicles showed up and they took turns trying to get stuck so badly that Trant and Otto had to winch them out. Heero and Duo were absolutely covered in mud, as was Cathy's Jeep, and Heero's face practically ached from more smiling than he'd done in probably the past thirteen years.

"Hey Heero, you've got some, uh... you've got some mud there," Quatre offered, making a vague gesture to his face and Heero smirked at him and withdrew the shades while Duo was pulling out sandwiches, soda, beer, and chips he packed in the back of the Bronco for lunch. Quatre outright laughed then, when he caught sight of the dirt-free outline of the sunglasses where mud couldn't penetrate. Heero's smile widened.

"Head's up, 'Ro!" Duo called as he threw him a towel and Heero wiped off his face and hands as best he could as he and Quatre walked over to grab some food.

Trowa was more animated than Heero had yet seen him as he went through a play-by-play of the morning with Duo. Sally spent her time teasing Wufei and Quatre and Cathy discussed her studies and the potential of a viable business here. Hilde was with Trant and Otto talking to the newcomers about winches and mudding techniques. Heero was more than happy to sit and listen to the various conversations, feeling almost as content as if he were out at sea.

No one wanted to ride in the muddy Jeep with Heero and Duo on the way home so they got the car to themselves. Duo made the silence between them easy and once they were out on the highway he reached for Heero's hand and held it casually. The simple touch made Heero's heart swell and he laid his head back on the headrest, shamelessly staring at Duo as he sang until, without even realizing it, he'd fallen asleep.

He awoke with a start when Duo was forced to drop his hand to change gears through town.

"You're cute when ya sleep," Duo teased and Heero turned away, embarrassed. He used to watch Milliardo sleep sometimes but it was private and intense and he wondered what Duo was thinking when he was watching him like that.

When they got to Quatre's, Otto dropped off the girls and left. Duo immediately started pulling out hose from the garage so that he could wash off the Jeep.

"You know James will do that, right?" Quatre offered but Duo shrugged, starting the process of taking the seats out.

"Yeah, but I promised Cathy I'd do it."

"I'll help," Heero offered suddenly, moving to help Duo with the seats, hoping for more time alone with him. Duo shot him a pleased and grateful smile.

"Oh fine! Well help yourselves to showers when you're done and come meet us out back. I'll talk to Jennifer about dinner. And," Quatre added with a knowing smile, "when you give up, I'll send James out to finish the job, huh?"

"Yeah, yeah," Duo waved him away after they set down the first seat.

Duo hosed down the vehicle while Heero followed behind with a towel, getting the grime out of hard to reach places. It took them about an hour to get the Jeep in pretty good shape and Heero was just about done wiping down the console when he turned at the sound of Duo calling his name.

"Hey – it's your turn!" Duo warned and only a split second later the hose was turned on him. The cold, hard spray shocked him for a minute but then he was smiling as Duo's laughter rang out across the front lawn.

Ignoring the pressure he walked straight forward into the spray until he got close enough to grapple for the hose, easily prying it from Duo's cold, numb fingers. He yelped and jumped out of range, trying to dance around it but unable to avoid Heero. When he stepped on the hose, kinking it so that the water flow stopped, he smirked up at Heero from underneath wet bangs. Heero's heart caught in his chest as Duo's eyes were trained on him and he didn't quite realize Duo was inching closer while standing on the hose until it was nearly too late to escape his revenge.

Heero dropped the hose and shot away like a dart and Duo easily gave in to the chase. He thought he'd be able to effortlessly out run the other man, but he had completely forgotten that Duo was a nationally recruited quarterback and that despite an old leg injury, he was still fast as hell.

Heero had only made it to the edge of the driveway when Duo tackled him, slamming into his back full force and dragging them both to the ground. Heero fought to regain a standing position, or at least turn around so he could face his attacker, but Duo did everything in his power to keep Heero down.

They were both panting and laughing by the time Heero managed to get on his back and Duo saw that as a sign he lost and so he sat up on his knees to catch his breath and it wasn't long after that when they both realized Duo was, in fact, straddling him. They stared at each other, muddy and soaking wet and elated. Heero thought he'd never seen a more heartbreakingly attractive man, even with mud running down his face in little rivulets.

"Fuck," Duo muttered as he stared and bit at the edge of his lip, sending a rush through Heero's body that bottomed out in his stomach.

And then Duo leaned down, cupped Heero's face in his hands, and kissed him so gently, so honestly that it made him think of her. The way she hugged him, the way she laughed, the way she held his hand, small but secure, tiny fingers tenderly tucked in tight.

_"When you remember the way she made you feel, she'll be there with you. She'll still be there to love you."_

The words crashed over him like ocean waves and he heard nothing but the buzzing surf pounding in his ears.

He was right. He was so damn _right_ but it took Heero so damn _long_ to realize it. Her love was not beyond his ability to receive – he just had to find a person who loved like her, who made him feel as she did. Warm. Safe. Protected.

And the moment was over before it even began and Duo was pulling away, embarrassment flush on his face, and Heero realized with horror that in his existential moment he hadn't kissed back. Duo misunderstood. But he still offered a hand to help Heero up, though his eyes were unnecessarily apologetic, and Heero took it, trying to maintain some grip on reality, some understanding of the present as those fingers, not bigger than his own, but yet seeming infinitely more large as they clasped around his, held on tight and hoisted him to his feet.

He only realized he was staring unabashedly and making the situation about ten times worse than it already was when Duo cleared his throat and turned away, announcing to no one that he was going to take a shower. Heero let him walk away, gave him some distance as he tried to get his own thoughts under control.


	4. Tuesday | Day Four | Heero Hikes, Goes Swimming in his Boxers, and Eats Marshmallows

The rest of the night was somewhat awkward between them. Heero didn't know exactly what to say to correct the situation and he wasn't used to Duo being so unsure of himself. But it was easy for them to avoid each other as the whole gang stayed late into the night and they drank and ate burgers and Quatre's father even joined them for a while, regaling them in stories of his business ventures abroad in a way that everyone found fascinating despite the rather dull subject matter. Heero awoke the next day determined to make things right between him and Duo, even if he couldn't explain his actions.

"Duo's supposed to be arriving around lunch," Quatre announced over breakfast and Heero nodded, a bit disappointed that he'd have to wait hours to see him. Quatre let him eat in silence for a moment before he caught his attention with a mischievous grin.

"You like him, don't you?"

Heero blinked at his friend's forward question and shrugged a touch self-consciously. "You were right. He is a nice guy."

Quatre laughed. "Oh, I know I was right about _that_. But I mean you _like_ him, right?"

Heero didn't answer, he just stared intently at his bagel as if it could somehow rescue him from a conversation he really didn't want to be having.

"Your ex was a real jerk, wasn't he?"

Heero's head snapped to Quatre then, unsure how his friend knew he was ever involved with anyone considering the amount of secrecy Milliardo had required.

"Oh, you can't put too much past me," Quatre explained away his otherworldly knowledge. "I don't know who it was – though I have my suspicions – but I knew way back in freshman year that you were seeing someone. Of course, at that point I thought it was a girl." He winked and Heero felt conflicted. Quatre was his best friend but there was so much he hadn't told him that it seemed ridiculous to tell him now.

"He wasn't a jerk. He was just... complicated."

Quatre snorted and rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah, real complicated. You've smiled more in the three days you've known Duo than you did in the two years you dated that guy. Probably more than in the whole four years I've known you!"

Heero wanted to hide his face as the complexity of what Quatre said hit home. Maybe he really was never happy with Milliardo. To some degree he knew that but to have it all laid out by someone completely outside the situation was disturbing and more than a little embarrassing.

"He kissed me," Heero said suddenly, unable to meet Quatre's eyes.

"Come again?" Quatre asked as he choked on his orange juice.

"Saturday, at the party," Heero explained. "He kissed me."

"Jesus Christ!" Quatre blurted and Heero was forced to look up at him then, since Quatre rarely cursed or took the lord's name in vain. He looked suitably contrite about the outburst too. "What was he _thinking_? And you're okay with this? Why didn't you tell me? I can call this whole thing off – we don't have to see him at all for the rest of the week."

He shook his head. "No, no, it's okay. It was..." Heero didn't know what to say about that sweet, starlit kiss that wouldn't demean it so he changed directions. "I do like him. He's different but..." He was struggling to express himself but Quatre just waited patiently, knowing Heero to be a private and internal person. Finally, he just decided to get down to the crux of the issue. "It doesn't matter. He lives here. It's nice to have his attention for a week, but that's all it is."

There. He said it. It was a good reminder to himself that maybe it was better that he'd accidentally distanced himself yesterday. All that Duo would ever be able to amount to for him was a weeklong fling and Duo didn't deserve that. He was better than that.

And even if he'd met him back home in Ithaca or Boston or New York City or even the goddamned Vineyard the fact would remain he was uneducated, unambitious, unwilling to be the kind of life partner that Heero needed if he was going to get his doctorate and make a name for himself in business or politics. So whether he was here or there it didn't matter – they weren't meant to be.

Sadly, Heero realized that fun wasn't anywhere in his life goals. Maybe itwas okay to try out Duo's idea of fun for a week, but a week was all it was. Fun was someone else's life. Not his.

"Oh, Heero," Quatre said quietly and Heero set his glass down a little too hard. The last thing he wanted was Quatre's pity.

"No," Heero replied harshly, wanting to circumvent his friend's good intentions. "We are complete opposites. He's only interested in me because I'm probably the first gay man he's seen here in years."

There. That was the truth. Duo said so himself that first night, that Heero was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Quatre shook his head. "No. Duo's not like that."

"How do you even know what he's like?" Heero shot back cruelly. "You haven't lived here with him these past four years. He could be desperate. I could be –" But he stopped himself just in time before he admitted to both of them just how lonely he truly was. He cursed himself. This was why he didn't have meaningful, heart-felt conversations like this.

Quatre just pinned him with those too damned sympathetic eyes.

"It doesn't matter," Heero repeated. "I have more important things to focus on."

His friend scowled. "You know I'm just as –" Heero glared at Quatre but Quatre glared back. "Let me say my piece then I promise I won't say any more about this, okay?" Heero sighed roughly and turned his eyes back to his plate. Quatre started again. "You know I'm just as ambitious as the next man – you heard my father's stories last night, everything he's done, I have big shoes to fill if I want to take over his business one day – but you shouldn't be so blindsided by your ambitions that you forget about yourself."

Heero scoffed and shoved his plate away. What did Quatre know? He had the adoration of his father, friends and family that cared for him, and now that his grandfather was gone Heero had no one, nothing. He hadn't seen his own father since the funeral – before that, his graduation from boarding school. The boarding school he was shoved into at ten because his father wanted to move to New York City with his mistress and he couldn't be bothered with his dead wife's child.

Quatre didn't know what it meant to be alone.

_"We are not meant to be alone, Heero."_

His fists shook at the memory and tested his balance as he stood.

_"I've been alone a long time, son. This is all for the best."_

Ignoring Quatre's concern, he left the kitchen. It wasn't for the best.

_"I'm not afraid to die, it is a beautiful part of life to be reunited with the Earth."_

He slammed open the sliding glass door and started off to the tree line. Maybe _he_ wasn't afraid to die, but Heero was. Heero didn't _want_ him to die.

_"You are a solitary boy, so absorbed in your own thoughts. I've always liked that about you – you remind me of myself as a young man."_

He stood, staring at the trees, unsure of what he was doing or where he was going, and he bit down on his lip, forcing himself to breathe, forcing himself to think rationally.

_"Promise me you won't make the same mistakes I made. Promise me you'll find someone to share your life with."_

He didn't even know how to make that promise. At the time he thought selfishly of Quatre, thought of his past with Milliardo, thought that if those were to be his experiences with love then he'd rather not even try.

And now this? It wasn't fair that he should be attracted to Duo. It wasn't fair that he should meet someone here, someone like him, which would make him feel this complicated way. Maybe he wasn't meant to be alone, but he was certainly better off that way. He couldn't think like this. The past and the present blurred together too seamlessly when he was with him.

He just couldn't think.

Heero sat down and buried his head against his knees for a long time. Remembering those last few days while his grandfather faded from this world. Remembering fleeting flashes of his mother, wraithlike, the very act of trying to protect those memories as he aged causing them to erode and disappear. He wondered if eventually he wouldn't be able to remember her at all. If she would eventually leave him completely. And he wondered if the same thing would happen to his grandfather as well.

It was a long time before Quatre came out and sat down next to him. They stared at the trees together, their gentle wind-swept sway rhythmic and soothing. Quatre rested a hand on his shoulder and Heero found himself appreciating his friend's attempt at comfort.

Shortly after they returned to the house to watch TV and Heero tried to draw himself out of his funk but he struggled. To Quatre's credit, he didn't bring Duo up again and Heero realized what a good friend he truly was and that maybe it was better they were never lovers because he would've hated to lose that friendship when he inevitably screwed up the relationship.

But eventually he had to face reality and they were eating sandwiches prepared for them by Jennifer when Duo, Wufei, and Trowa were escorted into the kitchen.

"Yes! Perfect timing!" Duo cheered, enthusiastic as usual, and he grabbed a sandwich off the platter and downed it in record time. By contrast, Heero had suddenly lost his appetite.

"You gotta eat up, 'Ro," Duo warned him with a wink. "We've got a lot ta do today!" Heero wondered how he could be so friendly after he basically rejected him yesterday, even if it was unintentional.

He stayed out of the casual conversation taking place around him and much to his relief they were quickly leaving Quatre's with the spare clothing Duo requested of them. The pick-up was parked in Quatre's driveway with two dogs in the back, wagging their tails excitedly as they walked up but staying obediently in place.

"This is Bruno," Duo introduced the German Shepherd, scratching under his chin. "And Sandy." Sandy was a gorgeous Golden Retriever. "They're both super friendly. You're not scared 'a dogs, are ya?"

Heero eyed them warily. He wasn't really scared of dogs; he'd just never been around them much.

"I'll ride in the back with 'em," Trowa volunteered and hopped up into the back of the cab. The dogs immediately converged on him, begging for affection.

Although he'd never ridden in the back of a pick-up, nor did it seem the safest idea, he saw his opening to distance himself from Duo and volunteered to sit in the back with Trowa. He actually found he liked Trowa quite a bit. The man was quiet and thoughtful and suited Heero's personality well.

The dogs checked him out for a moment as he settled in between the coolers and bags Duo had packed but over all they seemed to be more interested in Trowa, pressing against his legs as he lit a cigarette with long fingers. Heero certainly didn't mind the lack of attention.

Duo watched Heero with uncertainty and Heero shot him a cool glare back. Duo shrugged and smiled weakly before he climbed into the driver's seat and they were off. The breeze through his hair felt good and he found a certain amount of amusement in watching the dogs pace the back of the cab, going back and forth quickly as something of interest wandering across their senses.

"Duo means well," Trowa said suddenly as they slowed at a stop sign. Heero looked up at him in surprise, not expecting any stupid philosophical comments from Trowa. But then Trowa offered him a small, amused smile that put Heero at ease. Made him feel like they were sharing a joke. "But sometimes he takes things too far."

Despite himself Heero smiled back.

They eventually parked at a barn and Heero studied the landscape. The barn was fairly dilapidated and across the street was a better maintained house. It looked like there were once fences for cattle or some other livestock but the pastures were clearly unmaintained.

"Henry's lettin' me park here for the night," Duo was explaining to Quatre as he got out of the cab. Heero sighed. He should've assumed they'd be spending the night out here with the amount of bags in the back. It was going to be an extreme exercise in patience for him. He wanted to honor his promise and try to have a good time but he also didn't want to lead Duo on any more. But damn if he didn't look sexy as hell in that red flannel with the sleeves rolled up and those tight blue jeans...

But he was used to denying his urges. He could deny these too.

Duo instructed them all to grab a bag and a cooler and Quatre chastised him for the amount of shit he packed as the dogs jumped out and paced the car excitedly while the humans got ready.

They headed back through the fields behind the barn on some trail that Duo and Trowa seemed to know instinctively. Heero and Wufei fell in together with Quatre in front of them, excitedly eyeing everything around them. Heero knew his friend to be very into nature as he often tried to drag Heero into hiking all over upstate New York.

Wufei started an easy conversation comparing and contrasting Cornell's law program offerings with his own and until the terrain made conversation too difficult, they talked about their future plans. The other man was quietly encouraging of Heero's professed change of plans, subtly up playing the impact he could have if child advocacy really was a passion of his. Heero appreciated his quiet candor and the chance to get his mind off of this week and back to his life goals.

The dogs ran way far ahead and always just when Heero thought they were surely long gone he would hear a bark and they'd come bounding through the trees, circling Duo and licking his hands before inspecting every other member of the party and running off again.

After a rather sweaty two hours Heero heard the familiar sound of rushing water and shortly they entered into a clearing where a rock cliff dropped off sharply and a lovely falls crashed over it. The river was wide and easily split the trees, creating a path as far as the eye could see through the forest. Duo was grinning triumphantly as he dropped his bags. The other guys followed suit and appreciated the view while the dogs greedily lapped water from the river.

"Come on, 'Ro," Duo waved an arm over his head and Heero's heart twisted with apprehension. "You hafta see the view from the top."

The others were watching him expectantly so he felt required to follow after Duo, even though he didn't really want to.

He led Heero carefully but quickly up the rocks about fifteen feet and they walked out on stones to the edge of where the river spilled into the falls and Duo pointed out across the vista. Heero's breath caught in his throat as he stared out at the mountain panorama before him. The mountain water was so beautifully crisp and clear as it flowed downward and out into the peaks and valleys beyond. Heero felt like his soul wanted to take flight from his body and stretch with it through every nook and cranny and maybe for a minute he could understand what his grandfather meant when he said it was beautiful to be reunited with the Earth.

"It's even _more_ gorgeous in the fall," Duo spoke up over the crashing water beneath them and Heero came out of his reverie to look at the other man and was shocked to see him stripping out of his shirt.

Duo was grinning at him when he noticed his expression and he threw his flannel into the trees and pulled up his sweat-soaked undershirt. The thin white material didn't leave much to the imagination to begin with but having it completely removed... Heero was vaguely horrified that he couldn't drag his eyes away from the long, lean muscles in front of him. And then Duo started on his belt.

"Wait – !" Heero called desperately, rending his eyes from the vision to look down at his friends below.

The dogs were barking like mad and Quatre was laughing but he thankfully wasn't looking at him. Instead, he was looking at Trowa who was down to nothing but his boxers and jumping into the pool below. Heero quickly sought out Wufei who was in the same process of stripping and although his moment of relief was quickly trumped by his realization that he was going to have to strip down too, he felt immeasurably glad that Duo wasn't merely engaging in a provocative strip tease.

"Aw, come on," Duo chided. "You know it's hot as hell out here."

Heero sighed and reluctantly peeled off his t-shirt. Although Duo was in the act of slipping off his pants, Heero still caught the appreciative glance Duo gave his own trim torso. The thought of Duo checking him out made his stomach turn and he struggled to fight his giddiness at the thought that Duo might like what he saw. It didn't matter, after all.

When they both stood there in nothing but boxers at the top of the falls, Duo winked at him in a friendly way and waded out a bit further to a better location before jumping straight off the edge into the pool below.

Heero waited for him to resurface and took a deep breath before inching out to the same place Duo stood. He watched as Duo slicked back the bangs from his face and beamed up at him, floating backwards out of the way and beckoning him to come down. So he jumped.

The icy water enveloped him, shocked him with its prickly fury. He almost drew in a breath on instinct as his body impacted with its frosty ferocity. He had anticipated it to be cold, after all, it was a mountain fed stream and it was April and even despite the unseasonably warm Southern weather that water was likely cold all year round – but he didn't anticipate it to be _that_ cold.

He fought his way to the surface and gasped, fighting his bangs from his eyes as he moved forward out of range of the falls. Quatre was cheering at him from the bank and Duo was smiling and he felt a little silly to be receiving that kind of attention for such a simple thing.

"It's cold," he observed when he was in range of the others and they laughed.

"I'm going to set up the tent!" Quatre called and he grabbed one of the bags and wandered off away from the falls, Sandy and Bruno in tow. Heero watched after him for a minute, feeling conflicted about letting his friend go off by himself but Duo splashed him in the face with a big arc of cold water and Heero immediately snapped out of it to glare back at the braided man.

"Cutie-Q hates the cold water," Duo explained. "We tricked him once and after that, never again. That kid don't forget nuthin'. He'll be okay, we've got a campsite just a short ways up from here."

Heero was glad to hear there was a plan and without a spare glance for Duo he dropped back into the water and slipped forward quickly, grabbing his legs and yanking him down under as payback for his splash. They engaged in a bit of good natured rough housing before teeth started chattering and conversation was difficult anyway right below the falls so they got out after a few minutes to go help set up with Quatre.

Heero and Duo both fought to maintain boundaries, as well as their straight friend's respect, as they changed into dry clothes. But now that their easy camaraderie fell back into place Heero was struggling to uphold distance, struggling to remember why he'd decided not to get close to a man he was so clearly physically and emotionally attracted to.

Duo had gotten their discarded clothing and they wearily picked up their bags and traversed fifteen minutes downstream to a clearing where they met up with Quatre who had the big tent already mostly assembled. Trowa moved to help him complete it while Duo took inventory of his various bags and coolers and arranged them in a specific order. Wufei motioned for Heero to help him and they went a short way into the tree line where Heero was surprised to discover some aluminum benches hidden amongst some fallen trees.

"Maxwell is nothing if not persistent," Wufei explained as he drug one out. "He found his place and after a few camping trips he became hell bent on seating. He carried these things up here all by himself one at a time over the course of a week to surprise us." Wufei shook his head with a small smile. "He's ridiculous."

Wufei hoisted the squat bench over his shoulder and Heero drew out one of his own and they carried them awkwardly back through the trees to the campsite. None of the other guys were there when they got back – "Firewood," Wufei explained – and they set the benches across from each other with enough room in-between for a fire before heading back to get the remaining two.

This time when they got back, the other three were just leaving after dropping off their gathered wood so Wufei and Heero hurriedly set down the benches to form a square and followed after their friends. After two more trips Duo decided they had enough wood and he started inspecting trees near the clearing and cutting off branches. Heero watched him with interest as he brought them back to the camp.

Then he pulled out the alcohol.

They were all fairly tipsy by the time the sun was setting and after many false starts with the fire, they'd managed to get one going. It was holding well when Duo started stripping the branches he'd cut earlier and fashioning the ends into points. Heero sat down next to him, feeling pleasantly buzzed and letting his curiosity get the better of him.

"Ya want to use green wood to cook with," Duo explained as he made short work of the task, "and you want ta use somethin' non-toxic like maple." Heero nodded as he watched, fascinated by Duo's knowledge of seemingly useless things. "Have you ever cooked over a fire before?"

"No," Heero answered honestly, surprised that this was something people did with any sort of frequency.

"Come on man, what did you _do_ as a kid?" Duo teased but despite his intoxicated state Heero caught the serious undertone to the question.

Heero frowned and thought about it. "Cotillion, hunt seat riding, Chess Club, Debate Team, Model UN... I spent most of my summers sailing down the East coast. I'm a decent pianist as I've been playing since I was five."

Duo's eyes widened and then he laughed. "Wow, okay. Yeah. I don't even know what halfa that shit is. You an' me," Duo waved a finger between them, "different worlds an' all that."

Then he was up and digging through a cooler and pulling out a white paper wrapped package and buns and chips and bringing an armful of foodstuff back to the benches. The dogs immediately perked up and Duo laughed and commanded them to shoo as he made his way back.

"Ohhhh, you didn't...!" Quatre exclaimed when he saw the package Duo had pulled out.

"Oh yeah, I did," Duo joked and threw some chips at Quatre. "These are the best fuckin' hot dogs you'll _ever_ have."

"He goes to a butcher for them," Wufei confirmed with a nod.

Duo went around the circle, handing out a stick and a hot dog, until he got to Heero. He handed him the stick, his body obscuring everyone else's view as they were sitting across from each other. Instead of handing off the hotdog for him to spear himself, he held it gently and slid it onto the stick while biting down on his lower lip, releasing it slowly from his teeth and then flicking out his tongue to stroke across his upper one. Heero blushed brilliantly and Duo chuckled, flopping down next to him on the aluminum seat. Heero buried his face in his beer can to hide his embarrassment.

Duo threw the dogs their own hotdogs and helped Heero watch his hotdog so it didn't burn. As they ate Heero looked up at the stars and then back to his friends and in only four days he felt a sense of belonging with those men that he'd only ever felt with his grandfather.

They sat back, full and happy, and Duo pulled out two bags of marshmallows and threw one at Trowa. Heero watched as Duo speared a few and set them over the fire. They darkened quickly and he tried to pull one off, jerking his fingers back with a laugh and kissing them. After a moment he tried again and managed to pull the melted, sticky concoction from the spear and hand it off to Heero who took it tentatively. He bit in carefully and the warm gooey sweetness filled his mouth. A smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he watched Duo enjoy the sugary confection. Duo's pleasure was always so obvious on his face. It mimicked Heero's own, though he could never show it that way. Duo licked his fingers and Heero wished he was bold enough to lean over, grab his hand, and suck the sugar from them himself... but he couldn't. No matter how strong the desire, years upon compounded years of reservation, expectation held him back.

"Don't eat 'em all," Duo warned the other guys. "Ya'll want ta save sum for later..." And then he hopped up to dig something out of his bag. Heero caught the look of anticipation on Trowa's face and he looked curiously back to Duo, who was returning with a Ziploc bag.

He sat back down next to Heero and whipped out a tiny cardboard box with thin sheets of paper and to Heero's fascination and horror he realized that he was rolling joints. Duo began passing them down with a lighter to the other guys. Heero was shocked to see Quatre easily light up like it was second nature. He had never even considered doing illegal drugs once in his entire life and he would never have guessed that Quatre had either.

Duo must've seen his tense posturing when he turned to him and offered him one because suddenly everyone was looking at him. The scrutiny was disturbing and Heero abruptly wished he was anywhere but there. He felt stupid then for thinking he belonged with these guys because clearly he was wrong.

"You've never smoked pot before, Heero?" Quatre asked when it became clear no one else was going to.

Heero shook his head vehemently. "Of course not! I'm shocked that you have." Quatre blinked at the accusation, seeming a bit ashamed.

"Not frequently, just, you know, when I'm home," Quatre explained self-consciously. "It's really not that big a deal."

Heero looked at Wufei, surprised an academic like him would do such a thing. But Wufei just shrugged. This was clearly something they just did around here.

"You don't hafta if you don't want," Duo told him kindly. "We won't judge." Then he took the lighter from Trowa. "But it _is_ fun," he enticed with a warm smile.

The word haunted Heero like a wraith. He couldn't escape it and it squeezed his heart in a vice-like grip that wouldn't let up. He watched that look of pleasure etch across Duo's face again as he drew in on the blunt and he wondered if that look had ever been achievable for him. Would it have been, in a world where she hadn't died?

He found himself looking expectantly at Duo who opened his eyes and glanced askance at him before turning to face him fully. Removing the joint from his mouth he held it out toward Heero. "You _do_ wanna try?"

Heero didn't speak to that as the word 'want' was becoming difficult for him to define and so he just reached out for it tentatively, took hold of it, stared at it a moment, and held it awkwardly in his mouth before sucking in. Almost immediately he sputtered and coughed and the other four men laughed at him so he handed the joint back to Duo angrily.

Duo accepted it but he smiled. "It's okay. Takes ya a while to get used to it if you've never done it before," he offered and then took another hit, drawing in deep and holding it for a minute before exhaling the smoke out slowly, the gentle tendrils floating into the sky and disappearing. He offered it back to Heero. "Try again. Draw it in slow, give your body time to get used to it, yanno?"

Heero glanced back across the fire but realized the other three were all engaged in conversation and not watching him so he accepted, taking a deep breath before holding it in his mouth again and slowly, cautiously drawing in. He still coughed, but it wasn't as startling or difficult and Duo flashed him a smile as he rolled another joint for himself.

After a few more tentative attempts he got the hang of it and Heero began to relax and feel more at ease with his decision. And then things started to slow down drastically. The fire fascinated him as he stared at it dancing and sparking up into the sky. He wondered if she danced like that, her spirit streaking across the Earth like a shooting star.

He realized as he stared across the fire that Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei were talking and he could hardly keep up with what they were saying. It bothered him immensely that he couldn't think of anything to add to their conversation. He felt like his brain was moving through molasses as he tried to think of something to say but then, after who knows how long, he realized with starling clarity that he didn't have to say anything and no one would notice. He never said anything in social situations to begin with. This was no different.

It struck him as funny that he'd forgotten that about himself and he started laughing uncontrollably. He could hardly breathe as the harder he laughed, the harder it made him laugh and the vicious cycle left him dragging in deep breaths between pitiful, painful, shuddering laughter. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned towards it, his eyes blurred with tears as he met Duo's smiling face.

"Are you okay?" he asked and suddenly Heero was noticing every little feature about Duo's face. The slight upturned curve of his nose, the light freckles across his cheeks, the way the firelight danced across his face and landed in his eyes, reflecting and refracting across those glassy orbs until they shone beautifully. And his lips... how they curved upward, full and pink and soft, they looked so soft, and Heero knew how soft they were since he'd kissed them twice before.

And the drive to kiss them again overwhelmed him so suddenly he leaned forward on the seat and pressed his own lips against those soft, soft, soft ones on the body he'd admired since the moment he saw it. The feeling of Duo's hand running through his hair and pulling him closer sent a thrill through him like he'd never felt before. He moaned and Duo opened his mouth in return, slipping his tongue in and the sensation was more than Heero could bear. His body trembled and he lifted a hand to the back of Duo's neck, bringing him closer, so close the kiss was almost painful as their noses pressed together.

But they both stopped suddenly when they realized their friends were watching the desperate display and heard their laughter ringing out across the campsite. They fell apart from each other, embarrassed, and Heero drew on the last bit of his blunt, the hit soothing him in the awkward situation.

"I _knew_ it!" Quatre gasped triumphantly, eyes shining with mirth as he pointed an accusing finger across the fire at him. "I _knew_ you liked him!"

"Shut _up_ Cutie-Q!" Duo shot back with a bashful grin as he rolled another blunt. "Eat some goddamned marshmallows or sumthin'!"

That threw the other three into more raucous laughter and Duo lit the fresh blunt and drew in on it.

"Hey," he breathed smoke around the word and caught Heero's attention before grabbing his own bag of marshmallows and flopping off the bench, falling backward onto the grass and scooching himself on his back until he could comfortably rest his feet on the foot-high seat. He patted the ground next to him and wiggled his eyebrows coyly and Heero felt suddenly shy. He scooted over on the bench until he was in position and then imitated Duo's fall, moving his elbows under him until he was lying next to Duo, their shoulders touching.

Duo offered him the joint and Heero accepted, the pleasant buzz making him smile goofily. As he handed it back his eyes met Duo's.

"I'm so happy," Heero whispered, feeling silly and a little scared. Like if he dared admit it some terrible spirit would come and steal it all away from him.

"Good. I want you to be happy." Duo smiled back before he reached into the bag of marshmallows and shoved one in Heero's mouth.

The consistency was peculiar and the sugar felt weird on his teeth and the whole thing made him smile as he chewed. He reached for another as he stared up at the stars. Duo handed him two more and he chomped on another one thoughtfully.

"Do you know the constellations?" he asked, but with a mouthful of marshmallow it came out more like "Doof yo knof the consahhallashuns?" and Duo turned his head to meet Heero's eyes with a laugh.

"Swallow, 'Ro, ya gotta swallow." They both burst into an uncontrollable fit of giggles when they realized just what Duo had said.

Once they managed to calm down enough they shared another hit and Heero pointed at the sky. "Do you know the constellations?"

"Uh, yeah, I can find the big dipper," Duo replied and shifted his head so that it rested against Heero's.

"There," Heero pointed it out and Duo nodded. "The big dipper is just part of Ursa Major, the Great Bear," he explained, the words he'd heard so often easily repeated, pouring out of him in a gentle, reverential voice. "The handle of the dipper is the bear's tail. And there, that star, two across from the rim of the dipper is Muscida, that's the bear's head. Straight down from there you can find Talitha and it marks the bear's front paws. The back paws are both marked by a set of stars, Tania Borealis and Tania Australis, there, and Aula Borealis and Aula Australis, there."

Duo nodded again as he drew on the blunt, the smoke he breathed out obscuring the sky for a moment and Heero reached out for another hit, never wanting to lose that moment and how wonderful it felt.

"What else is up there?" Duo asked as Heero handed the blunt back. Then he felt Duo's fingers searching out for his own and he reached to meet them, twisting them together, locking their digits in a warm embrace.

"A lot," Heero answered simply and suddenly neither of them felt much like talking. He felt very small then, very small and insignificant and it made him a little sad that when faced with his own definitive irrelevance he was forced to realize he'd done nothing, had nothing, felt nothing. The least he could do was have one meaningful moment of self-actualization, one moment of selfish desire, one genuine feeling of joy before he ceased to exist and the planet spun on without him.

"Hey," Duo brought him back and he turned his head to meet Duo's eyes again, their noses so close they brushed against one another. He felt Duo wanted to say something but he didn't speak, he just stared, and Heero listened to the beating of his own heart in his ears and the fire popping in the distance and Trowa reciting off textbook definitions of HVAC equipment as Quatre laughed gleefully and he waited to hear whatever it was Duo wanted to say.

But the words never came and instead his lips were put to use kissing Heero thoroughly, languidly, sloppily, slowly. Duo's teeth nipped his lower lip and his tongue stroked along it afterwards and eased apart Heero's lips until it teased its way inside and divulged all of his secrets.


	5. Wednesday | Day Five | Heero Hikes Back, Plays Volleyball, and Catches Fireflies

When Heero awoke his face was pressed up against something warm and dark. His mouth felt uncomfortably dry, his head ached a bit, and he was disoriented despite not being able to see anything. He shifted and an arm fell across his side and the warmth he was pressed into grumbled. He backed his head up and looked up at Duo's sleeping face, an orange cast to it as light shone through the tent, and last night tumbled back to him in a pleasant haze of toe curling kisses. He smiled and diffused it by pressing his face back into Duo's chest. Duo brought his hand back up and ruffled Heero's hair lazily.

He heard the soft sounds of the others trapped in sleep and his heart felt full and happy. None of them had cared. He knew then that it was Milliardo who was the problem. It had never been about him or homosexuality or whatever ridiculous thing Milliardo lead him to believe. If these guys could accept it down here in the South where sexuality was a choice and marriage a so-called tradition simply because they were Duo's friends and friendship was more important than sexual orientation... Heero knew it had all been a lie.

Thinking of his ex made him mad and he sighed huffily into Duo's chest. Duo chuckled and his hand shifted across his face to where it cupped his chin and he tilted his head up and kissed him lightly with closed lips.

"Impatient!" Duo chided in a whisper and Heero's eyes widened and he shook his head when he realized that Duo thought his sigh was for his lack of attention. Duo's brows narrowed in confusion but he didn't risk waking the others up by asking so instead Duo just held him, his fingers playing in his hair, stroking across his back.

The touch was kind and simple, held no lust or need beyond the comfort it provided. His eyes felt heavy against its power. He wondered if people touched this way all the time – people less guarded than him, people with families that cared, mothers who were still alive, friends who didn't fear you, lovers who didn't fear themselves.

He awoke with a start, not even realizing he'd fallen back to sleep. Duo was no longer there and he stared across the empty space at Quatre's back. Amusement ghosted through him. Quatre was usually such an early riser. He was too for that matter. He supposed they had a good excuse.

As quietly as possible he slipped out of the tent to take a piss and find Duo. He spotted Duo over the fire pit with Wufei watching him, talking softly. They both greeted his arrival with a smile and he smiled back a touch shyly now that he was facing the light of day.

He sat down next to Wufei who handed him a bottle of water and some aspirin. Heero thanked him with surprise at the forethought. But then, Duo seemed to think of everything.

Duo had stoked up the fire again and was mixing something together in an enamel Dutch oven. Heero was a bit shocked he'd packed something like that but then he remembered how Wufei told him he carried these aluminum benches one by one all the way out there by himself and just shook his head.

"Duo is actually an excellent cook," Wufei offered as Duo stood and wiped his palms on his pants before joining them.

"When ya like ta eat as much as I do you got two options – marry a chef or learn to cook." Duo shrugged and flashed a self-deprecating smile. "I live alone."

Well, Heero wasn't much of a cook himself so he had nothing to volunteer. Instead he scratched at Bruno's head after the fuzzy lug came up and nuzzled his palm.

"Sandy's always hadda thing for Q, but I think Bruno prefers you."

For some reason, Duo's words made him feel funny and he stared down at the dog, embarrassed.

Trowa appeared shortly thereafter and sat down next to Duo, pulling a cigarette from a busted pack in his back pocket and offering it to Duo. Duo hesitated, clearly conflicted, before Wufei cleared his throat and shot a cool glare at Trowa. Trowa angled his eyebrows down at his friend and there was a tense moment between the two before Duo stood and removed himself from the situation by grabbing the left over hotdogs from the cooler for the dogs. Heero wasn't sure what just happened and neither of the men he was with seemed ready to volunteer an explanation.

Instead, Wufei started a conversation with him regarding sailing as he'd evidentially overheard Heero telling Duo about the things he did as a child. Wufei seemed truly interested in his exploits and the different cities he'd been to and he confessed his ancestors were junk builders in the early 1400's. Which then shot them off on a conversation about genealogy, an unexpected shared interest, and Heero found himself more deeply entrenched in conversation than he could ever remember being. He realized he really liked Wufei and his calm, intellectual nature, and that they had a lot in common despite being worlds apart regionally.

Quatre wandered out at last and everyone got a good jab in at his expense since he was always promoting the early bird mantra. But he cheered up when he smelled whatever it was Duo was cooking and he insisted he just didn't want to have to wait for breakfast so why not sleep in?

It turned out to be a hashed potato casserole with cheese and eggs and cubed ham and Heero felt somewhat skeptical about the eggs being as they'd been left out so long. But Trowa assured him that they were fresh farm eggs and had never been refrigerated, therefore, they could be left out for a week without spoiling.

Though Heero had never been one to eat much amalgamated food, he found the flavors combined well and he enjoyed it quite a bit. He wondered what it would be like to have someone cook for him who wasn't paid to. Most of his life he grew up eating in cafeterias. Even his grandfather had a cook towards the end of his life. These meals he'd shared over the past few days had been the most normal meals he'd had in a long, long time. He wondered if this was what it felt like to have a family.

As they finished and folded their paper plates to be trashed, after the dogs thoroughly licked them of course, Heero began to help Duo pack up the bags. They worked quietly as Trowa and Quatre folded the tent. When Wufei came back from washing out the Dutch oven in the river he handed it to Duo, but his face betrayed some inner turmoil and Duo accepted it cautiously.

"Hey, 'Fei...?" he asked and Wufei looked at him a moment, and then back up at some distant point in space.

"Can I tell you guys something?" he asked no one in particular and Heero realized both Quatre and Trowa were staring at his unusual behavior.

"Sure man, what's up?" Duo replied curiously.

Then a blush covered Wufei's dark face and he stared at the ground, shoving his hands deep in his pockets.

"I think, at graduation, I'm going to ask Sally to marry me."

There was a pause as the guys took in the information and then Duo let loose what only could be described as a squeal, scaring the dogs and probably all the birds in a twenty mile radius, before launching himself on Wufei and enfolding him in an impossibly tight hug. Then Quatre was moving towards him and he the threw his arms around both guys simultaneously with a big smile and an enthusiastic "congratulations!" Trowa stopped what he was doing and smiled at his friend, crossing his arms over his chest and appraising him coyly.

"You know what they say about men who marry older women," Trowa teased as Duo and Quatre finally released him and Wufei blushed at the attention.

"Aw I think it's great!" Duo exclaimed. "Sally is such a good match for you and obviously you guys make each other happy and you'd be a damned fool to let her walk out of your life."

Heero watched, feeling a bit awkward to be involved in the friends' moment.

"Do you want to see the ring?" Wufei asked hesitantly and Quatre nodded enthusiastically as Duo laughed and punched his arm.

"You brought the ring all the way out here?!"

Wufei blushed brilliantly. "I carry it with me everywhere since I bought it."

"Christ, 'Fei, never figured ya for the sentimental type," Duo chuckled and Wufei pulled out the little black box.

Trowa glanced over at Heero and shrugged and they both walked forward to look so as not to offend Wufei though he figured their combined understanding of engagement rings was about as deep as Duo's understanding of astrophysics.

"Wow," Quatre breathed when the glittering princess-cut, split shank set solitaire was exposed and Duo took the box from him so that he and Quatre could inspect it closer at different angles.

"Shit man, if she don't wanna wear this then she's crazy!" Duo bragged as he handed it back. Then he put a tender hand on Wufei's cheek, an action Heero was surprised he got away with, and said very seriously, "if she don't wanna marry you, then she's a helluva lot crazier than I thought when she came back with you in the first place." He winked and Wufei waved away his hand and shoved the ring back in his pocket.

Then Quatre demanded a play by play of how he intended to propose as they packed up the rest of the stuff and re-hid the benches and Wufei stammered through his vague and hopeful plan so that they were all tramping back through the forest by the time he finished.

Duo and Trowa led the way like last time and Quatre and Wufei continued their conversation for a while leaving Heero alone to think. He was glad for that as he watched Duo's back, braid swinging across his ass, and thought about yesterday and his bare chest and how his abs rippled into his boxers and he thought about how comforting holding his hand under the stars was and he thought about kissing him, how gentle and insistent he was, and the tremor that sped through his body every time their lips met. It was exciting and wonderful in a way that Milliardo hadn't been. Milliardo was thrilling and powerful and dangerous but Duo was caring and attentive and warm. It was strange, better. Easy. Undemanding.

The trip down was a lot easier than the trip up and they broke through the tree line in a little over an hour.

"Hey, we should invite the girls over for dinner," Quatre offered. They all had slept in and it was late, after noon, so dinner was the next meal they had to consider.

"Yeah! And tell 'em to bring their swimsuits! I would love that hot tub right now," Duo agreed enthusiastically.

Quatre laughed. "I've got swimsuits you guys can borrow."

"Whadya think?" Duo asked the others as he let down the gate on the back of the truck and hopped in, accepting everyone's bags and arranging them in the back.

"Sure," Trowa agreed and Wufei shrugged. His eyes landed on Heero's and he suddenly felt shy. It was stupid but he felt like if he said no, Duo would rearrange the whole day for him. But he didn't care, anything was fine with him, so he just nodded.

"Great!" Duo jumped over the side and ushered the dogs in before Heero and Trowa climbed in as before and they were back on the road to Quatre's house.

When they arrived the dogs were given bones and left to settle in the back yard after a few laps around the property. Heero retreated to his room as Quatre led the other guys up further to get them suits. He'd been warned of the pool before he left and therefore had the necessary attire but he threw a soft white undershirt on self-consciously and then in a fit of vanity stared at himself in the mirror. He studied his reflection carefully, shifting his hair over his eyes and rubbing the soft stubble on his chin. It wasn't something he often spent much time thinking about, but he wondered if he was attractive. He wondered if Duo thought he was. It seemed like it, but then maybe what he told Quatre was true. Maybe he was just desperate.

Angry, he turned his eyes down to the sink and brushed his teeth. It was stupid. It didn't matter any way.

He met the others downstairs on the patio and Duo was behind the bar making drinks with orange juice and tequila and grenadine. Trowa picked one up skeptically and Duo winked. "Fruity guys make fruity drinks," he explained and Trowa snorted.

Once they all had drinks they settled into the hot tub despite how warm it was out already. Heero had felt Duo's eyes on his back as he peeled his shirt off and he felt uncomfortable sitting next to him. He didn't know what he wanted. He wished they had a moment to talk but he was afraid to talk, afraid of what he'd say or what he'd hear, so he tried to comfort himself with the knowledge that it was better this way.

He drowned his drink fast and Duo pulled him out a beer from the ice bucket he'd prepared and handed it to him. Heero wanted to bury himself in alcohol but he stopped himself short. Then he felt Duo's hand as it sought his out and gripped it tightly under the water, hidden by the jets, and Duo smiled at him, a sweet smile, and Heero returned a small smile back.

"I just heard from Cathy – they'll be heading over shortly," Trowa announced and set his phone back on the towel behind him.

"Where were they?" Quatre asked.

"They all rented a cabin," Wufei supplied.

"There's a good idea for your bachelor party," Duo teased, setting down his drink and splashing Wufei playfully.

"I'm not engaged yet!" he replied huffily but they laughed.

"We're just 'scited for you Fei-Fei," Duo grinned. Wufei pinned him with a serious look.

"Don't say anything to give it away," he warned and Duo looked personally offended.

"On my honor!" Duo returned seriously, his hand over his heart. Wufei held his glare a moment longer before he let it go.

Duo didn't drop his hand once as they talked easily until the girls showed up though he felt obliged to make them drinks as they cajoled and harassed them for getting started before they arrived. Heero watched Duo as he walked to the bar and felt a finger jab into his shoulder. He turned to face Quatre's knowing smile and he didn't know how to respond so he stared at his beer.

Shortly after Jennifer brought out a spread of fruit and vegetables and other small snacks to hold them over until dinner and they all got out and Duo fixed more drinks and Quatre asked how the girl's stay at the cabin was.

"It was great! But you know – girl talk stays amongst the girls...!" Cathy enthused with a wink. "I don't think I would've ever thought of it if Sally hadn't brought it up. You know how they are 'bout renting to us."

Heero was confused but Trowa quietly explained that cabin owners didn't like to rent to people from the area because the assumption was they were just going to throw a huge party and get trashed and wreck the cabin.

"Did you boys have a good time?" she asked back politely and even as Quatre and Wufei answered Heero and Duo's eyes met across the way and fell apart quickly, but the look wasn't unnoticed.

"What, did you an' Heero get 'lost' in tha woods?" Hilde asked with an evil glint in her eyes and Duo fairly choked on his drink.

"No!" he shot back furiously, seeming to be unable to combat Hilde's teasing the way he was able to blow off everyone else's.

"Yeah, there was no 'getting lost' about it," Trowa joked back with a little self-satisfied smirk and Heero felt immediately overexposed as the girls' eyes swept over him and then to Duo, shock and curiosity obvious on their faces. Only Wufei seemed to be on their side as it was Quatre who spoke next.

"Right! I never knew Heero was such a tiger," he teased, his tipsy state clearly doing nothing for his empathy, and if looks could kill Heero's would've struck his friend dead instantaneously.

"It wasn't like that!" Wufei defended as eyes fell to him for his interpretation of the situation. "And frankly, if we don't get to know what you girls did, you don't deserve to know what we did." Sally's weren't the only set of eyes that widened at her boyfriend's awkward defense.

"Christ, 'Fei! You make it sound like a goddamned orgy!" Duo groaned with a hand on his face. "We kissed a little, okay, Hil'? You satisfied? And maybe 'Ro was a bit more bold than he might've typically been but damn it, I don't see why it's everyone's business!" And then he picked Hilde up, hoisted her over his shoulder, marched away despite her loud and blatant protests, and threw her in the pool.

"Anyone else wanna make sumthin' of it?" he asked with a grin, finally regaining a hold on his composure now that Hilde was officially trounced. "Or do we need'ta have a repeat performance so every damned Dick, Sue, and Mary can see?"

"Duo –" Cathy started but Duo abruptly cut her off.

"What was that Cathy?" he asked as he scoped her up into his arms then despite her disputes amid laughter that she wasn't going to harass him and he deposited her in the pool right next to Hilde. He stood with his hands on his hips over them, admonishing them for being terrible little lechers and suggesting they could just go find their own boyfriends to ogle if they were so desperate. And then the incident was over and despite the residual discomfort Heero felt he realized it was mostly internal and he fought to let it go.

He knew there was a lot of shit he struggled to let go of thanks to Milliardo. Thanks to boarding school. Thanks to his father.

Quatre ended up setting up a volleyball net and he volunteered to play with the girls so they had two even teams. Just like with everything they'd done so far this week, Duo seemed to have a natural prowess that made him shine in Heero's eyes. He seemed to move through the water far more easily than anyone else, deftly spiking the ball over the net even when the shot seemed nearly impossible. And despite all of that he also managed to flail and fall into Heero over and over again, in a variety of different exaggerated accidents, laughing and teasing every time much to Heero's chagrin and everyone else's amusement. But when he dragged him under the water he felt Heero's wrath as he yanked him down with him by his braid. They were a tangle of limbs and when they came up for breath, Heero wasn't sure if he was desperate for air because of being deprived it under water or because of Duo's body slipping wildly against his own.

They showered before dinner and then ate steak and chicken shish kabobs and drank through Duo's repertoire of mixed drinks and sat together on the patio as the sky darkened, drunk and happy. Bruno laid his big furry head on Heero's feet and Duo let his fingers brush against Heero's where their hands dangled by the sides of their chairs, knuckles rubbing gently, finger tips touching finger tips. And he smiled at him with his glass to his lips, seeming at least equally as giddy as Heero felt.

It was nearly dark when Heero stared into the tree line and caught a disturbingly familiar sight. Something he hadn't seen since that night, that night after they put her in the ground, and his fingers tightened into a fist.

Little sparks dancing towards the sky, all the way across the tree line, as far as he could see. He remembered how mad his father was. He remembered how he was scared, scared to go home with him, alone, without her. Scared he would cry and his father would be angry and how was he supposed to not cry?

But his grandfather protected him, let him prolong the inevitable, let him stay at his house that night and so they road together in his car through the countryside. Heero had never been there before, that far from the coast, but she wanted to be out there, amongst the hills, under the open sky.

He remembered looking out the window over the fields at all those pinpricks of light like the stars had fallen to earth to greet her before carrying her to heaven and he sighed and thought it was sweet of them to do so.

_"Those are fireflies, Heero. Have you ever seen them before?"_

He shook his head. He shook his head when he was eight and he shook his head when he was twenty-two, ever so slightly, the memory leaving a visceral reaction in his muscles, in his bones.

_"That's how they talk to each other, glowing like that. A beautiful way to communicate, don't you think?"_

At the time, Heero wondered if he could shine a light to heaven and talk to her, now that she was there in the sky. But even then he knew that was stupid, hopeless. Angels didn't talk back to the people they'd left behind on Earth. Heero knew that. He was eight, after all. He was supposed to be a man. And he wasn't supposed to cry or believe in angels.

"Hey, 'Ro...?" Duo asked softly and Heero turned his eyes towards the other man. "You catch 'em as a kid?"

Heero's brows furrowed, perplexed. Catch them? It never occurred to Heero to try to catch a shooting star.

But that was just the eight year old talking and he was a man now and he should shove the child back into the proverbial closet but he found it hard to be so cruel to himself, found it difficult to act as similarly as his father had when he dumped him at that boarding school.

"Come on."

Duo's kind smile was impossible to deny, so different from the calculating gleam his father employed as he left him there, scared, even though he smiled and said it would be fun. Duo set down his drink and stood, holding out a hand. Bruno's head lifted and Sandy trotted over to inspect her master's activity and Heero took the offered hand. Duo led him off to the trees amongst good-natured catcalls from their friends.

The dogs rushed through the trees like quick moving shadows and Duo smiled as he cupped one of the small moving lights in his hands. He held it up to Heero's face and Heero could only see his excited eyes, shining in the dimness of dusk. The bug flashed as he eased his hands open and it crawled along his skin until it reached the crack between his thumbs, pausing to glow a moment before taking off slowly into the sky in its biologically dictated upward ascent.

"What are they doing here?"

Duo looked quizzical. "So you _don't_ have them back home?"

Home. Another word that puzzled Heero, another word destroyed by his father when he told him that the school was his home now. Heero wasn't sure to where was Duo referring or what his response should be. Ithaca? Maybe they had them, he wasn't sure, but Ithaca was only a place he lived for the time being. It hardly seemed like home. Boston? It hadn't been his home for so, so long he honestly didn't know. The Vineyard? No. There weren't fireflies there. There wasn't anything there, any more, now that his grandfather wasn't there. It wasn't his home any more than anywhere else might have been.

He'd only seen them just that once, on that long, dark car ride with his grandfather, and he couldn't sleep, he just stared at them. And he had held on to that memory, stored it way in his heart so that he would never forget how the stars looked as they blanketed the Earth. But now it was like his heart was split open and the memory was spilling across the lawn and he couldn't stop it.

And he trembled under the weight of the realization and he thought he might cry but he steeled himself and stared at the stars and he wasn't sure if he was looking at the sky or the ground. Men didn't cry. But his heart ached with the fullness of it and he thought it might burst if it already wasn't already split and leaking.

"Home is wherever I carry you in my heart," he whispered, wondering if his heart was bright enough now that the light of the thousand fireflies stored in there was pouring through the crack and if it was maybe that light could reach into the sky so that they could see and they might know how much he loved them – even if they couldn't reply.

"Heero?" Duo questioned carefully and he turned wet eyes to him. A painful smile eased onto his face but it only hurt because it took him so long to figure it out and he wondered if maybe soon it wouldn't hurt any more, now that he understood.

"Yes," he answered, bringing a hand up to brush across Duo's cheek. "They've always been at home."

Duo looked uncertain but he didn't say anything and Heero was grateful that Duo seemed to always know just what to do or say. He wished he could show Duo, explain what he should've known but only just realized, offer him the same salvation he'd just discovered but he didn't know how to express himself with clumsy, fumbling, indirect words and he hoped instead he might be able to communicate with light if only he could show Duo some piece of his heart. So he leaned in and kissed him then, gently, slowly, meaningfully, while wrapped in the comfort of the stars.


	6. Thursday | Day Six | Heero Rides Bareback and is Serenaded at the Bar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Duo sings at the end of this chapter is "Let Your Love Flow" by the Bellamy Brothers. Took me a long time to pick the perfect one so if you've never heard it, give it a nice little YouTube. ;-P

Heero awoke a bit later than normal, feeling emotionally exhausted. The last few days had taken a toll on him and not only because of his seemingly endless realizations. So much forced social interaction was difficult on the introvert. Even when no one expected him to start or even add to any of the conversation around him, it was still draining and he was looking forward to a day alone. Quatre's father had asked Quatre to accompany him to the city so that they could tour their corporate offices and discuss business transactions, which left Heero practically alone in the mansion, save for the three members of staff.

So he took his time shaving and showering and relishing in the solitude. When he eventually wandered downstairs he found a small breakfast spread waiting just for him as always and he ate leisurely, considering what he was going to do with his day. Topping the list was digging through Quatre's father's extensive documentary collection.

He had just settled in to watch an acclaimed documentary on World War II when Jennifer found him to inform him that Duo had entered his gate code at the bottom of the driveway.

To say he was surprised would've been an understatement. He didn't understand how Duo could've misinterpreted Quatre's clear statement last night. With no small amount of disappointment he stopped the documentary and went upstairs to meet the other man and inform him that Quatre wouldn't be back until later.

Duo bounded up the steps with a big, genuine smile on his face and Heero frowned. Despite how good he was at it, he hated to be the bearer of bad news. But Duo seemed unperturbed by his serious posturing and leaned into the open door frame, very close to Heero, so close he felt uncomfortable.

"Quatre's not here today, remember?" Heero stated quickly, just to get it out of the way before his thoughts were pulverized by Duo's presence.

"I didn't come here for Q," Duo said with a laugh. "I came here for you!"

Heero blinked before his brows narrowed in suspicion and he stared at Duo, confused.

"Aw come on! I told ya I had sumthin' planned for e'ry day of the week, yeah?" Duo pushed himself off the doorframe and put his hands on his hips. "You only got one more full day here so we gotta make 'em count."

"I just –"

"Did you have something better to do?"

Duo's expression was almost one of hurt and Heero paused and thought of the documentary and his alone time but when his eyes turned back to Duo's face all he could think about was kissing him and rational thought was eclipsed by desire and he shook his head curtly.

"Great!" Duo grabbed his hand and Heero barely had a chance to slip on his shoes and shut the door before Duo was dragging him to the pick up.

It seemed like years since Heero sat in that truck the last time after Duo picked him up off the side of the road. He never thought he'd be gay, or interested, or that'd he kiss him. He never thought he'd be so... Heero realized he didn't really know how to describe him. Kind seemed too paltry but magnanimous too lofty and anything in between seemed flippant. Duo truly seemed to care about the people and things around him and Heero had spent a lot of time with people who cared only for themselves. And the difference was striking and Heero wondered what it would be like when he went back to Ithaca. Heero wondered if he would miss Duo.

Once they were out on the highway Duo reached for Heero's hand and despite all their kisses and hand holding yesterday, Heero was surprised and reached back tentatively. It felt wrong when he was going to be leaving so soon but it also felt wrong not to accept. He truly enjoyed holding Duo's hand. And the space between them couldn't change that fact any more than he could condense those 900 miles with the strength of his desire.

"Are you okay?" Duo asked quietly and Heero dropped his hand in favor of clasping his own together, to extricate himself from the emotions he was feeling.

"I... yeah," he replied awkwardly, a length.

"It's not like that," Duo said, his eyes on the road, both hands wringing the steering wheel. "The way the other's think it is. I just wanted to get to know you."

Heero wasn't sure if that made him feel better or worse. He stared out the window. He didn't want to think about it.

_"You are a Yuy – you have the heart of a lion. Live up to your name."_

Lion or no, he felt like a coward. Wasn't there a movie about this he saw once, once when he was a child and he sat in her lap and she held his hand? Where even the cowardly lion had courage and all you had to do was wish for it and you could go home?

"My mother died when I was eight."

He heard the sharp intake of Duo's breath, felt his eyes on him but Heero didn't turn his head, didn't look.

"I never got over it."

The silence stretched like the highway between them and Heero swallowed as he watched the pavement blur underneath the tires.

"Now you know me."

Duo didn't say anything for a moment and then, quietly, he murmured, "I never had a mother," and he held his hand back out without taking his eyes from the road and Heero stared at him as he accepted. He remembered Duo saying he had been in foster care but he didn't understand the implications and now he felt silly to think of his pain and his experiences as paramount to everyone else's.

He pulled off onto an access road and parked in the grass, grabbing a backpack and locking the doors of the truck. Heero stared around in confusion but Duo waved him along and they walked together down the side of the road. He knew better than to ask what they were doing if Duo wasn't volunteering the information so he settled into accepting his ignorance. But they only walked about half a mile until they came along a fence and it was obvious Duo was looking for something on the other side. Because he was focused on the distance he missed the horses standing at the fence five hundred feet away but when he turned his eyes and saw them, he beamed.

"Easy peasy!" he enthused and Heero was immediately skeptical but having an affinity for horses he didn't say anything as they approached. Duo dug around in his backpack a minute for some carrots and he gave one to Heero and another to one of the horses. Heero easily handed off his carrot and pet the horse's nose affectionately. They seemed like rather mellow specimens and Heero was glad for that when he considered Duo's likely intentions.

"You like horses?" Duo asked and Heero shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess I do."

"Have you ever ridden?"

Heero scoffed. "I told you I have."

"You did?" Duo seemed genuinely surprised.

"I told you I rode hunt seat growing up," Heero explained. "In fact, I used to compete. I was quite good."

Duo seemed perplexed. "Hunt seat?"

"It's a classic style of English riding, designed to imitate fox hunting."

"Oh, hmm. Yes. Well..." Duo seemed a bit embarrassed. "I don't think we really ride like that here."

Heero honestly wasn't sure if they did or didn't so he didn't comment but Duo climbed over the fence.

"Have you ever ridden bareback?"

Heero twitched an eyebrow up. Of course he'd never ridden bareback, he was classically trained.

"Without a bridle?" he asked carefully. It certainly wasn't a wise move, he knew that. It was much more difficult to control a horse, especially an unfamiliar one, with no saddle and no bridle but Duo chuckled as he opened his bag and pulled out two soft hackamores.

"Nah, not that stupid." He winked. "Just bareback."

"No..." Nor did he ever intend to but then this was the country and he reminded himself that they did things differently here and he tried not to think of different as wrong.

"First time for everything?" Duo asked with a hint of a challenge and Heero's eyes returned to the horse in front of him.

"Do you know the temperament of these horses?"

"Yeah, real sweet, totally used to people riding them bare. Almost never have a saddle on," Duo assured him. "But it's different, yanno, you hafta ride up higher, hafta to be careful not to dig your heels in, ya hafta use your upper thighs. Leg cues are real important, you can't fuck around with 'em."

Heero took what he said as a warning and climbed over the fence, wiping his palms on his jeans and trying to invoke confidence as he watched Duo mount the horse effortlessly. He watched as he got into position and studied how he moved so that he could imitate it himself. When he mounted he didn't stumble and though it took him a minute to get the feel of where he needed to be on the horse, Duo beamed at him for his aptitude and overall ease.

Then Duo had the horse turn and move further into the field at an easy trot. Heero applied a bit of leg pressure to turn his own horse and he followed the other man into the field. As a result of his training, he leaned a bit more forward than Duo, who seemed to like to lean back and easy as his body shifted from side to side with the horse. But the series of maneuvers Duo led him through Heero accomplished without difficulty and the braided man turned over his shoulder to smile at him before leaning forward, gripping the reins in his hands, and spurring the horse into a run.

A grin spread across Heero's face as he leaned forward onto the horse's neck, his hands stroking it, and he whispered to it as he did to all his horses before his calves tightened into it's flank and it took off across the field after Duo.

The wind through his hair felt glorious and he was glad Duo came to get him today because he knew they would've never gotten to do this with everyone there. And he rarely had a chance to ride any more but it was something he'd enjoyed and it felt as much like home as anything else. He'd forgotten the wonder of working in tandem with another creature, but he quickly remembered and his cheek pressed against the horse's neck like a kiss and he focused on the feeling until they slowed as they met the tree line and he was forced to straighten up.

Duo's hair was wisped around his face from the hard riding and they grinned at one another with residual exhilaration. They didn't need to speak because Duo's eyes said 'you're welcome' as simply as Heero's had thanked him and then he was leading them carefully through the trees.

Heero had never ridden through a forest before and wasn't prepared for the concentrated effort it took but luckily Duo seemed to know the best path and that took some of the difficulty out of the task. It felt singularly romantic to be riding through like this with sunlight streaming through the treetops and birds chirping back and forth at their disturbance and it made Heero want to blush to be thinking that way.

When they reached the river Duo stopped and pulled two long leads from his pack, tying the horses up to a tree and Heero looked at him, perplexed.

"Whose property is this?" he asked, unable to believe he hadn't thought of it sooner.

"Old guy I know," Duo explained as he worked. "We go back a long ways. He owes me this time – took a big hit on his transmission when it blew last week."

Heero accepted that explanation as it was easy to imagine Duo knew just about everyone and it really didn't matter if the guy had a name as Heero would probably never meet him anyway.

"Hey," Duo said when he finished, getting Heero's attention, and he walked up to him and placed his big, hard palm on Heero's cheek. "You were really good! Most people don't take to bareback that easily, but I thought you could do it."

Heero frowned at the assumption. "Dangerous."

"Well, originally I was gonna have ya ride behind me," Duo teased and he drew his fingers across Heero's face and winked before turning around and wandering down along the river.

Heero followed in his path and he wondered just how much property this guy owned. They seemed to be progressing slightly downward until suddenly the landscape dipped dramatically and Duo angled his feet and slid down the bank, looking back at Heero as he hopped down a bit less gracefully.

"When I was a kid, I ran away a lot," Duo explained as he started digging up rocks in the river and Heero watched on curiously. "Sometimes I ran away from some pretty decent places. Kinda dumb of me, looking back, shoulda just stayed, but yanno, I was kind of a stubborn lil' bastard. Aha!" He cheered and Heero stepped forward to see he was holding a deep brown crayfish. "I used to love looking for these suckers," he explained as the little crustacean waved its claws in circles desperately. Duo sat him carefully back into the river then and he stared into the water as it swirled leaves through gentle eddies and around mostly submerged rocks.

"When I was a child," Heero replied in turn, feeling heavy, feeling like had to say something back after Duo's returned confession in the truck but unsure what he was supposed to say, "after my mother died, my father dropped me off at a boarding school one day and he never came back. I haven't forgiven him for that, but now I know, it was better that he didn't."

There was silence between them before Duo spoke again, and when he did it was quiet.

"I was given to a guy in south Tennessee that beat the living shit out of me. Only took once. I ran away for real then. Best thing I could've ever done in the long run, though." His throat sounded raw.

"How did you get over that?" Heero asked, feeling very small for being so wound around his own suffering when Duo's must've been so much worse. Despite the heaping emotional abuse, his father never beat him.

Duo shrugged and smiled, a bit thin, but still, it was a smile. "I _did_ forgive him."

Heero felt betrayed. He glared at the gritty riverbank under his feet. He was wrong to feel small. Duo didn't understand at all.

"Everyone struggles in their own way," he explained softly, without condemnation. "I guess maybe that guy was beat as a kid and he didn't know anythin' else. It wasn't about me. It was about him."

Heero's fists shook and he wanted to punch something. Glaring at the ground wasn't satisfying. Duo didn't understand.

"He never cared about her," he growled. "He was glad she was gone, glad he could run off with another woman. He didn't even cry."

"Heero," Duo's voice was gentle and patient. "Maybe it was the only way he could cope."

His whole body shook and he wanted to punch Duo and he closed his eyes to contain his anger but another calm voice was ringing through his head. He didn't want to hear it – he didn't want to hear the words he couldn't believe about a man he hated but he couldn't stop them from coming now any more than he could stop them from being said then.

_"Don't be angry with your father any more. I can't always say I've liked the man, we disagreed frequently and the things he did to you were dishonorable, selfish, and cowardly. But he loved your mother deeply and he never truly accepted her death. His pain paralyzed him, lead him to poor decisions, but don't be angry with him for that. He was never taught how to properly manage his grief."_

Heero didn't want to believe that. Didn't want to believe there was anything good about his father, a man he didn't even know, a man who abandoned him without the excuse of death.

He didn't want to be the bigger man.

He didn't want to forgive him.

_"Soon, he will be the only family you have left. We cannot abandon our family."_

He didn't want to say it of a dead man, but his grandfather was wrong. Wrong. Family or no, he had abandoned him first, abandoned him the moment she went into the hospital, as soon as the pre-term labor began.

He couldn't have two children so he decided to have none. That was _his_ choice. It wasn't on Heero to forgive him.

"I can't," he ground out through gritted teeth and he couldn't look at Duo, couldn't see anything, even the ground seemed far away and he didn't want to be there anymore, he didn't want to be standing there. He wanted to be moving, walking away, hiding from what he had to do, from what he didn't want to do.

"Then you will always carry that hurt with you, everywhere you go," Duo murmured and he wanted him to shut up. He didn't understand. Duo didn't fucking understand.

He couldn't let it go. He didn't _want_ to let it go.

"I don't want to let her go." His voice caught on the words and that was really the crux of the issue. He remembered so little now that if he let go of his hurt, if he forgave his father and moved on, he was terrified he wouldn't have anything left. Her legacy was nothing but his anguish and if he let that go...

He would rather feel pain than lose her forever.

"Oh, Heero," Duo breathed as a sigh before he wrapped him up in his arms, a hand cradling his head as he buried his face into Duo's shoulder before he started to cry. He didn't want to cry. He didn't want to but he gripped uselessly at Duo's shirt and pressed himself against the other man, desperate for a touch that had been denied to him for so long.

"You can forgive, but you don't have to forget," Duo whispered in his ear as his fingers ruffled through his hair. Heero withdrew his face from its position tight against Duo's neck and met his eyes with hesitant curiosity.

"Forgive him for the things he can't help," Duo urged quietly, his eyes scanning Heero's quickly, searching them for some level of understanding Heero wasn't honestly sure he felt. "But don't forget the way he made you feel – don't forget how deeply he made you care for her."

And then, maybe it was inappropriate, but Heero kissed him. His emotions had run rampant and he didn't know how to tamp them down so he did the only thing he knew to do. And Duo kissed him back, gently, and kept kissing him. Kissed him until their kisses became urgent and needy and all talk of the past was forgotten for the present.

They stumbled backward from the river into the leafy underbrush and Heero pushed the backpack straps off Duo's shoulders and Duo grabbed at the hem of Heero's shirt, pulling it up to his armpits so that he could trace his fingers across his slick, smooth skin. Heero gasped as those fingers flicked hard nipples and Duo's lips curled into a smile against his own.

Heero discarded rational thought as he worked up Duo's shirt and let his fingers skim against his hard lower abdomen, following the hair down to his waistband and teasing underneath it. Duo twitched and grabbed his hand. Heero thought he'd done something wrong but Duo kept kissing him and Duo dropped his hand and grabbed his ass and pressed their bodies together desperately.

He groaned into Duo's mouth as his fingers kneaded Duo's ass and he rolled his hips against Duo's. He felt wonderful, good and warm, and Duo _wanted_ him and Heero could feel it and it had been a long, long time since anyone wanted him like that.

Suddenly Duo was fumbling with his pants, their lips still locked, and Heero was a little surprised after Duo removed his hand but he sure as hell wasn't going to stop him and he brought a hand up to Duo's neck, keeping him close against his mouth. With Milliardo kisses were rationed and doled out according to his wishes but with Duo – he felt like Duo would kiss him forever and it made him ache. He never wanted to stop.

But he was forced to when he felt Duo's fingers on his dick and he gasped, shocked, overwhelmed, and Duo paused. He pressed his hand against Heero's cheek and looked him deep in the eyes, and Heero felt more exposed than he ever had before but he stared back, not hiding for once, trusting Duo. And he smiled, ever so slightly, and rejoined their lips and Duo met them with playful ferocity.

"Fuck!" Heero hissed and Duo laughed, a hand on Heero's ass, keeping him close as he grasped both their hard cocks together in the other hand, rubbing up and down around them, pressed tight against one another. He felt weak, light-headed, and he buried his head in Duo's shoulder and panted, gripping his upper arms with both hands so tight he was afraid he'd bruise him.

Duo released him and kissed his way across his chest and down his stomach and Heero's dick twitched with anticipation and it was too much, he was too weak, it'd been too long, and he grasped Duo's hair and forced him to stop. Curiosity and hesitance wrote themselves across Duo's face as he looked up and Heero bit his lip, a little embarrassed as he sat down. Duo was already on his knees and just grinned at Heero and leaned forward to kiss him, one hand stroking his chest, lightly running down his side and making him shiver.

He yanked Heero's pants down further, past his knees, down around his ankles to give him better access. The vision of Duo between his bent knees, braid hanging over his shoulder, fingers arranging his dick through the front of his boxers, mouth poised to swallow him was almost more than he could bear. He buried a hand in Duo's hair and leaned forward to plant a kiss on the top of his head before he was engulfed in the warm wetness of Duo's mouth.

"Fuck," he moaned out again, throwing his head backwards, lifting a hand to his mouth and biting down on the back of it to keep himself from crying out. Duo's tongue swirled across him, worked and teased every sensitive spot until he swelled and throbbed and he knew he was close. Heero forced his head forward again to look upon his handsome friend turned lover and he noticed that Duo was touching himself as he sucked him off, moving his hand furiously over his own cock, and a thrill went through him when he realized just how hot this made the other man, just how turned on Duo was, and the buzz bottomed out in his stomach and he groaned as he came, slamming his eyes shut for a moment as Duo licked at his tender dick.

But then his eyes shot open and he grabbed Duo by the back of the head and closed the short distance between their mouths, kissing him hungrily, overpowering him and forcing him onto his back. It was awkward and he fumbled with his pants trapping his ankles but in the end he lay next to Duo and wrapped a hand around him, caressing him with quick, deliberate strokes.

"I'm so close," he whispered urgently before Heero had even really started and it excited him to know that it wasn't because of his touch, no, he'd only gotten a few strokes in, but it was because Duo had been touching _him_ , sucking _him_ , turned on by _him_ that Duo was so close.

Determined to reciprocate the favor, Heero stopped his hand, rolled up on top of him and shimmied down his body, planting wet kisses on his torso before taking him in his mouth. Duo's hips bucked up and he held them in place so Duo twisted his fingers in his hair, jerking it roughly as he desperately tried to create friction with nothing. Heero moved purposefully, steadily, and he prolonged Duo's ejaculation just the way Milliardo had taught him how. But it was better, more delicious, as Duo gave in to his power and begged him for release, moaning his desperation at first until he descended into babbling the word "please" over and over again in a needy, wanton cry.

When Heero finally gave in and allowed him to cum, Duo gasped and jerked and the force of his ejaculation surprised Heero but he took it and swallowed and licked him clean before collapsing down next to his momentary lover. With shaky hands Duo cupped his face and kissed him and Heero melted against him, wrapping a strong arm around his waist and pulling him closer. Milliardo never kissed him after sex, never kissed him after he blew him, never wanted to taste himself on Heero. But the swollen tenderness of Duo's lips after he'd sucked him off was different and wonderful and the fact that Duo wanted to kiss him, too, wanted to prolong the heady feeling of orgasm with tongues and lips was all that Heero had ever wished for.

Duo pulled away after a moment and stroked Heero's bangs with his fingers, running them lightly across his cheek, and he smiled softly and then kissed him again and they got lost in the kiss until their limbs ached and the warm sun streaming through the trees made them sleepy. Heero pulled his pants up so that he could slip his legs between Duo's and he slid his arm under Duo's head like a pillow and kissed him lightly, just the barest touch of tender lips to tender lips, over and over until he couldn't move and Duo's eyelids slid closed and they fell asleep.

When Heero awoke his arm was asleep and he was sweaty but his eyes took in Duo and he smiled and he pressed his hand against his cheek when his eyelashes began to flutter. They opened quickly with his touch and they stared at each other a moment, reaffirming their mutual affection.

And Duo kissed him again, and Heero kissed back, and for a moment under the canopy of those trees Heero thought this world was perfect, he could be safe, he could feel love or at least something damn close to it and he wasn't ruined. He wasn't too jaded.

"I could kiss you forever," Heero whispered against Duo's lips and they formed a grin under his own.

"You'd eventually get hungry," Duo teased, fingers tickling up Heero's bare stomach and making him jerk, but he still managed to shake his head in protest.

No, he'd never get hungry. He'd never starve. He would swallow every ounce of affection Duo offered and it would sustain him for the rest of his life.

"Speaking of hungry..." Duo left his embrace and stood, buttoning his pants and pulling down his shirt and retrieving his discarded backpack. Heero redressed as well and Duo urged him back to the river where they wandered down a bit further to where a thick tree had fallen across. Duo walked out onto it confidently and Heero followed until they were in the center and they sat together, legs dangling just above the flow. Duo pulled out a container of grapes and oatmeal cookies he'd apparently baked himself and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with peanut butter on both sides so the jelly wouldn't bleed into the bread.

Heero picked his sandwich apart into little pieces and thought of the lunches he used to take to school before she died and how she cut the crust off of each one and it wasn't until that moment that he realized what a pain in the ass that must've been and how wasteful it was but she did it anyway because she loved him. And he thought, maybe he could learn to love her without anger and he thought, if only he could remember more little things like that, he could start to let it go. But it scared him a little and he looked shyly at Duo and Duo leaned over and bumped his shoulder with his own and smiled back at him. It was comforting, even if Duo didn't know what was going on in his head, and he loved the easy silence they could have between them. Duo was clearly far more sociable than he – Heero had heard him talk at length all week, always thinking of something to say if there was a lull in the conversation, always quick with a comeback or a joke – but when it was just them, he made no demands on Heero, didn't feel the need to fill the silence with trivial chatter or personal inquiries.

They took a long, winding way back to the horses and Duo became a one-man walking encyclopedia of planets and animals and explained to Heero all kinds of things about their surroundings that he didn't know. The way parasitic ivy wound up a tree or how this flower was edible but another one wasn't or what type of animal dug into the ground like that. Heero started to form a completely different picture of his surroundings as he began to independently notice the things Duo was pointing out. He began to understand Duo's affinity for the mountains now as all these little things wove a story about the creatures that existed there and how everything coexisted. Interrelated. Harmonized into the beautiful cacophony of chaotic, miraculous, utterly improbable display of life before him.

And Heero realized, sometimes he spent so much time thinking about death that he forgot about living. And he wondered if maybe this is what his grandfather meant. If maybe he was the wind through the trees now and all he had to do was listen close enough and he would hear him.

_"It is a beautiful part of life to be reunited with the Earth."_

He knew that was ridiculous and he shook his head at himself for his foolishness but then couldn't help but smile anyway.

They rode back together through the forest and across the field and Heero felt happy and free. He smiled openly at Duo as they walked back to the truck and Duo smiled back.

"Know when Q's sa'posta get back?" Duo asked as they slid into the bench seats and he turned the key in the ignition.

"Around six, I believe."

"Hil' was telling Cathy about open mic night at the bar and now they all wanna go," Duo explained with a sigh. Heero's eyebrows narrowed together, surprised Duo seemed somewhat distressed by that plan. Duo glanced at him and shook his head and Heero knew he understood the silent question and so he waited for him to elaborate.

"It's just the bar is kinda... Well, it's _the bar_. Up until a few months ago this was a dry county, yanno, no alcohol sold in restaurants and what not." Heero snorted at the explanation. He couldn't even believe a place like that existed where alcohol was banned from restaurants. "So we got one bar now and people get too drunk there and the cops come every night but hey, I guess it could be fun. Just didn't really wanna show ya that side of us." He chuckled a bit, embarrassed. "When you live here, it _is_ kinda fun to see who's gettin' arrested t'night."

Heero shrugged. He didn't care where he was as long as Duo was there.

"But we gotta kill some time til Quat get's back." Duo noted with a frown. Heero considered his abandoned documentary and brushed at his jeans with a hand absently.

"Maybe you could watch a documentary with me?" he asked quietly and Duo looked over at him with a smile.

"Sure! What'er we watchin'?"

Heero paused, unsure. "Ken Burn's _The War_."

"Whatever you want," Duo replied easily and Heero felt a little better, though he had a feeling Duo wasn't really interested.

So he was surprised when they settled into Quatre's couch in the basement and Duo threw an arm over his shoulder and watched with rapt curiosity. And Heero was even more surprised when it was genuine and they ended up pausing it frequently to discuss the implications of what was being presented on the world and the communities that were the focal point of the film.

In fact when Quatre found them they had gotten very far sidetracked and had the film paused for probably a half hour in a heated debate over the effectiveness of the New Deal.

"So I see you found a way to stay busy," he teased Heero as he sat down on the coffee table across from them. But when he noted how far they didn't make it into the documentary, he frowned. "You haven't been arguing this whole time, have you?"

"Uh, no!" Duo snapped quickly and they both deliberately didn't look at one another, loath to admit how they spent their day together. "Just got here two hours ago." A convenient way to bypass the whole affair.

"Oh." Quatre seemed troubled, likely thinking Heero had spent most of the day alone but then, Heero never minded spending the day alone.

"The girls all wanna go ta the bar tonight," Duo explained and after discussing it they decided to eat there before meeting the others at the bar. So they wandered upstairs and listened to the story of Quatre's day while dinner was fixed for them. Quatre's father joined them for dinner and once again Heero was hit with a pang of jealousy but he suffered it down because he just didn't want to feel that negativity after such a wonderful afternoon. He'd already dwelled on the subject of his own father enough for one day.

They piled into Duo's truck afterward and Heero sat in the middle, letting his hand rest up against Duo's thigh and Duo had smiled at him but didn't break stride in his conversation with Quatre.

Wufei, Sally, Trowa, Cathy, and Hilde were already at the bar when they showed up and had just ordered pitchers. The place was fairly busy considering it was a Thursday but then the crowd was mostly young, a lot of people in town for Spring Break – or rather a lot of people out with the few who managed to escape to get college educations and were back for one week only. A few old guys sat at the bar, glaring at the younger crowd, but otherwise the place seemed relatively normal. Not that Heero spent a majority of his time in bars, but certainly Duo had no reason to be concerned that he would judge him over it.

Quatre offered a polite and short explanation of his day and the others responded in kind until it was Heero and Duo's turn and Heero could tell they were all a bit skeptical by how remarkably brief Duo was but when they looked to him for an explanation he just shrugged and occupied himself with his beer.

Trant and Otto were there too with a guy named Alex and they came to say 'hi' – mostly to Hilde and Trowa – but Heero didn't miss the sneer exchanged between Alex and Duo. Luckily they were gone quickly and Duo returned to his pleasant disposition equally as fast.

Duo began to offer amusing back-stories about the people singing offensively off-key most of the time despite the passion and self-confidence they clearly displayed in their so-called abilities. But it was fun to banter back and forth about how bad they were and especially fun to see Quatre get upset and try to defend them for their effort.

They had just ordered another round of pitchers when Duo stood abruptly and walked towards the stage area as a girl was finishing up a poor rendition of a country song Heero didn't know. Unlike most of his predecessors, he didn't flip through the karaoke machine to select his song – instead he picked up a guitar sitting off to the side and tuned it quietly a moment. Heero watched the precision in his fingers and felt a hint of nervous apprehension. He had no idea what Duo intended to play or sing and for a selfish moment he hoped he wouldn't try to embarrass him.

When Duo took the stage he got an enthusiastic applause from their table as well as a few others, which made Heero feel a weird sense of pride. That attractive, talented, charming man up there was interested in him. _Wanted_ him. It made his face feel hot and he gulped at his cool beer to try to counteract the sensation.

Duo cleared his throat and smiled at Heero for a moment, their eyes connecting, before his fingers brushed over the strings. A flush immediately colored his face as Duo's deep, mesmerizing voice belted out the lilting, romantic words.

"There's a reason for the sun shiny sky, and there's a reason why I'm feelin' so high, must be the season –"

Hilde grabbed Trowa's hand and winked at him, forcing him up to dance and Cathy followed suit with Quatre to save her brother the horrifying embarrassment of being up there all alone.

"So let that feelin' grab you deep inside and send you reelin' where your love can't hide –"

Sally watched on with amusement as other couples joined the dance floor but Wufei looked away and scowled into his drink. Heero gave him a pointed stare and jerked his eyes towards the other dancing couples but Wufei just glared back and gave the briefest, curtest shake of his head.

"Just let your love flow like a mountain stream and let your love grow with the smallest of dreams –"

Heero lifted his hand to rest on his chin and rubbed at his ring finger with his thumb, his action coupled with his eyes sending a clear message to Wufei. The other man glowered and shifted his glass a few times in frustration before he resigned himself to his fate, knowing Heero was right.

Sally's surprise when Wufei got her attention and asked her to dance was practically palpable.

"Let your love fly like a bird on the wing and let your love bind you to all living things and let your love shine and you'll know what I mean –"

Heero let himself smile a little smile now that the table was vacant as he watched Duo sing, the lights framing his handsome face, his long, calloused fingers quickly moving over the strings with confident caresses, his wonderful lips forming each word effortlessly as they spilled from his mouth in perfect tune.

"So let the wonder take you into space and lay you under its loving embrace, just feel the thunder as it warms your face –"

And Heero knew that he chose the song deliberately and he knew that it was for him and he knew what Duo meant by it. He knew it wasn't a love song for him – they only met five days ago, what they felt for one another couldn't be love. Infatuation? Maybe. Lust? Definitely. Affection? Sure. But not love.

No, Heero knew it was a continuation of their earlier conversation, a message between them to let go of his anger and pain, to move beyond it, to find contentment, joy, yes, love in everything. To be happy.

For a moment, staring up at the other man who exuded such an easy, fun attitude, who clearly enjoyed life, who went out of his way to try and make others happy without even knowing them, who could forgive even those who trespassed against him in the most painful of ways... For a moment, Heero wanted to be like that. He wanted to feel enough love to let it flow out of him, grow until he couldn't contain it any more, let it bind him to life and those around him. But while Duo smiled and made it seem so easy, Heero knew it wasn't. Not for someone like him. Not for someone who had denied it for so long.

But he didn't want to think about that. All he wanted to think about was Duo. All he wanted to do was memorize this moment as he had all the others so that when he went back to Ithaca he would have something nice to think about, to hold him up when things got rough, as inevitably they would.

"And let your love shine and you'll know what I mean, that's the reason."

Duo beamed at the wide array of claps and whistles he garnered from nearly everyone in the bar when he finished and he sunk into a little bow before returning the guitar to where he found it. Heero however heard Alex snigger something about fags to Trent and they both laughed. Anger roiled in his gut but he reined himself in and forced himself not to do anything – just sit and wait as his friends rejoined the table.

He reclaimed his beer and poked Heero in the shoulder playfully as the others praised his performance and Heero immediately let the overheard comment drop and returned Duo a small smile.

"You were really good."

Duo's smile widened noticeably at Heero's modest compliment but his eyes quickly darted off across the table to Wufei.

"I can't _believe_ 'Fei danced!" Duo exclaimed and suddenly Wufei was the center of all attention as he fought to remain casual and not get flustered. Although Heero felt a little bad that he'd guilted Wufei into it only to see him getting called out about it after the fact, Sally's eyes shone when she looked at him so he knew he made the right call.

It wasn't more than another hour before someone at the bar got excessively rowdy and the cops were called, which is when Duo decided it was time to leave. Heero followed Duo to the truck while Quatre stayed inside a bit longer to say his goodbyes and they leaned against the bed waiting for him. They stared up at the stars and Duo laid his head against Heero's shoulder a moment. The buzz of the alcohol slipping through his system gave him the confidence to bring his arm around Duo's shoulders, holding him close.

"Where'dya find this one?" The angry voice made them fall apart quickly and turn to the owner who was clearly drunk although not drunk enough to be stumbling. Alex. There was another guy with him that Heero didn't recognize.

"Go back ta the city, fags," the other sneered. Heero noted the oversized rebel flag belt buckle and decided that figured. "This ain't no goddamned gay bar."

To Heero's horror Duo stepped forward diplomatically, placing himself between him and their two persecutors.

"Look, we _are_ leaving, we're just waiting for Quatre to come out," he explained calmly and Alex laughed at the unfortunate wording.

"Bet Winner's gonna come out – always thought he was fuckin' you back in school."

Duo sighed and didn't bother to argue. "Just leave us alone, huh? You're drunk."

"What – you don't wanna show a _real_ man a good time?" Alex taunted, taking a step forward. "I bet with your hair down you'd look just like a girl, you queer ass piece of shit."

And then he took another step and reached for Duo. Duo fell back but Heero didn't. He had watched the whole exchange with mounting fury and when Duo stepped back he saw his opening. He moved forward and threw a punch straight into Alex's face.

"Holy fuck!" Duo gasped in shock as Alex's eyes widened and he howled in pain, his hands clutching at his face as blood poured from his nose.

The other guy moved back and suddenly they heard an authoritative voice ring out across the parking lot.

"Hey! What's going on here?"

Duo grabbed Heero's hand with a wild laugh and jerked it hard towards the sidewalk.

"Run!" he shouted and Heero, still pissed and a little shocked but mostly confused, followed Duo down the street, back behind a run down apartment complex and into the trees. Branches smacked against him and his lungs burned from the unexpected activity and he felt disoriented as he tried to follow Duo's shadow through the thick undergrowth. He almost smashed right into him when Duo suddenly stopped after about ten minutes of tramping through the forest.

"Duo!" he hissed and Duo turned to look at him, panting and laughing at the same time.

"You fucking broke his nose!" Duo wheezed, doubling over with laughter and suddenly Heero was laughing too, not really sure why as he'd just broken a guy's nose and then ran from the cops but Duo was laughing and it was contagious.

And then Duo threw his arms around Heero's neck and kissed him square on the mouth, not giving either of them a moment to catch their breath so the kiss was one of breathless lust and Heero felt light headed as he tried desperately to suck in air around Duo's lips. Duo placed both his hands on Heero's cheeks, holding his head still as he gave up on the kiss and instead rested his forehead against Heero's, trying to catch his breath.

"No one has ever defended me before," Duo whispered with a little smirk. But his eyes held something else – something surprised and impressed and grateful.

"The cops...?"

Duo laughed and released his tight hold on him. "Fuck if Alex didn't deserve it. They know it. Mueller's such a pussy he'll prolly rat him out anyway. They'll get 'em cleaned up and off to the hospital and it won't matter. Tell him to stop harassin' people."

Heero didn't really feel much better about the situation but he assumed this wasn't the first time there was an altercation between Duo and Alex.

"This is why I didn't wanna go to the bar," Duo explained after a minute of awkward silence.

"Shit like this happens to you frequently?" Heero asked, surprised, rubbing his knuckles a bit though they didn't really hurt.

"Nah, not really, I don't usually put myself in that situation. I don't usually have a hot guy with his arm around me, either." Duo winked and Heero looked down at the leaves under his feet.

"Why didn't you hide it?" he asked suddenly, thinking back to Milliardo and how carefully he'd tried to hide everything about his sexuality.

Duo shrugged. "I was dumb. Didn't really realize it was somethin' bad til I hugged my middle school crush and he flipped out an' called me a sissy. But it's just how I am, yanno, you don't hide it so you must kinda understand, right?"

Heero supposed he did understand. He didn't go about shouting it from the rooftops but he also didn't feel the need to hide something that was a fundamental piece of who he was. But then he also didn't live in a small Southern town amongst a bunch of racist homophobes.

"Besides, I guess part 'a me hoped I would give someone else the confidence to come out if they were scared. They would know they wouldn't hafta be alone."

"But you had to be," Heero pointed out solemnly.

"Eh," Duo waved a hand like it was nothing. "I wouldn't change it."

"And it's not bad."

Duo blinked and tracked the conversation back. "Oh, yeah, I know. Just twelve year olds think it is."

"And twenty-two year old assholes," Heero added dryly and Duo chuckled.

"Yeah, them too."

Duo texted Quatre and they listened quietly for a little while to the sounds of the forest returning to normal and their own soft breathing before Duo decided enough time had passed and they were safe to return to the truck. Quatre about had a fit and lectured them both profusely until they pulled away from the bar and he broke into relieved giggles and told Heero he was impressed.

When Duo walked them to the door he called Heero back a moment and stood shyly in the portico light, hands stuffed into his pockets.

"Thanks, ya know, for everything, today."

Heero could've sworn he was blushing.

"You came to get me. I should be thanking you," he replied simply and Duo stared down at the ground and toed the stone of the entranceway. Heero felt confused, like Duo wanted something, but he wasn't sure what. He wracked his brain trying to think of anything he might've said or did but then Quatre saved him when he wandered back towards the front door to see what was keeping Heero.

"Give him a goodnight kiss!" he chided from down the hall. Heero felt like a complete idiot and he heard Quatre's laughter fade as he walked away to leave them in peace.

"I didn't, well, I mean –" Duo tried to think of something to say to redeem their wounded pride but Heero abruptly halted him, cupping his face in his hands and leaning in to willing press his lips against Duo's. Duo's body went slack under him as he took his hands from his pockets and wrapped them around Heero's neck.

He couldn't have thought of a better ending to a better day.


	7. Friday | Day Seven | Heero Shoots Skeet, Plays Tag, and Makes Out at the Drive-in

Heero was both apprehensive and enthusiastic when he woke up the next morning. Of course he _wanted_ to see Duo, but he wondered if anything could possibly top the day they had yesterday and he wondered if maybe it would be better just to quit while he was ahead. Admit that yesterday was the best he could do and anything else would just go downhill from there and fuck but he didn't want that. All he wanted was that one perfect day, that one perfect moment in the forest when they held each other and kissed and he'd never felt better in his whole entire life. What could trump that?

And if anything could, did he really want to know about it? It was going to be difficult enough to go home and start studying for finals, finish his thesis, prepare himself for his first year of law school. He knew this brief reprieve would haunt him for a long time, if not maybe the rest of his life. Duo was about to become a big fat 'what if' that eclipsed all other 'what ifs' and Heero had never learned to cope with the other one. It still occupied his thoughts thirteen years later.

In his short life Heero had learned one fundamental thing about himself – he had a very difficult time accepting that which was beyond his control.

He met Quatre downstairs, as had been their routine, and Quatre smiled enthusiastically at him.

"I can't believe you broke Alex's nose!" he announced with a laugh and Heero shrugged, uncomfortable.

"He was being a dick," Heero shot back defensively, but then softened his position. "I didn't mean to break it."

"About time someone did," Quatre admitted. "Trant was bad for a while but he grudgingly accepted Duo over time. Alex never really did. Guess he never got over high school football rivalries. He was always relegated to running back since Duo was such a stand-out QB."

"High school was nearly four years ago," Heero muttered as he bit into his bagel.

"For people around here, high school was the highlight of their entire lives."

Quatre's blunt statement made Heero feel a bit guilty then. He had spent his life assuming he would leave that boarding school far behind and never think about it again. These people stuck in this town had little to look forward to after high school besides settling down, starting a family, and struggling to find work in an area with no commercial or industrial potential. It really wasn't fair to judge them so harshly.

After their subdued breakfast Quatre took Heero to pick out guns for the impending skeet shooting trip. Apparently Duo had finally relaxed on the secret requirement for the day's activities. Heero was impressed by the rifle collection, despite it not truly being his area of expertise. Milliardo had loved upland hunting and took him on several trips only to become furious when Heero turned out to be a better shot.

Heero helped Quatre get the supplies ready with a bit of reservation. Duo had proven himself thus far to be nothing like Milliardo, but on the other hand Heero had yet to compete directly with him at anything. He refused to play down his talents for another man's ego and wasn't sure how Duo would handle it if Heero was a better shot than him. He wondered if this really was the beginning of the end and yesterday was just one lovely pinnacle moment that could never be matched. If today would just be a slow decline into depressing reality.

He tried not to be cold when Duo showed up but considering even his amiable personality tended to be aloof and distant he felt that he was failing.

"Have ya ever shot skeet before?" Duo asked as he bumped his shoulder into him playfully, helping carry the supplies out to his truck.

"No. Just some wing shooting a few years back." Heero waved shortly at Wufei who was in the driver's seat of a Mazda 3 after they had everything loaded. Sally was in the passenger's seat with Trowa in the back.

"I'm sure you'll be great at it," Duo enthused and that made Heero feel a little better. Duo seemed to _want_ him to be good at the things he was interested in. Not that it mattered, Heero thought darkly. He was leaving tomorrow.

They climbed into the truck with Heero in the middle again and he tried not to let the sinking feeling in his chest affect Duo and Quatre's good mood. He felt a sense of foreboding not unlike the fateful morning he was unceremoniously dumped on his grandfather's steps. Not unlike the moment he looked at his caller ID and saw the lawyer's number three months ago. This was it. The last time he would sit next to him. He wondered that it felt a bit like death – the death of something that could never be. Perhaps like his baby sister – should've been aborted before it even had a chance to live rather than allowed to grow into some frightening mass that would rip apart everything surrounding it in the throes of its death.

The morbid thought and the horrific images it brought to mind made him feel nauseous and suddenly he wished he was damn near anywhere but stuck between two men he lusted after at one point or another in a vehicle that was growing unbearably hot with each passing moment. Duo placed a hand on his thigh and Heero looked up morosely, unable to meet his smile with anything but a frown. And though Duo's smile wavered, it was only for a second, and he removed his hand to give Heero his space.

Thankfully, Duo and Quatre kept up a rambling conversation though Heero didn't have the slightest clue what it was about when they pulled up to the range. He couldn't get out of the car soon enough and when he was finally out he stood off to the side, feigning an interest in the landscape as Quatre greeted the others and they started unloading the equipment. He wanted to smack himself as he breathed in deep, trying to get his shit together. This day was quickly going to become a self-fulfilling prophecy if he didn't.

With a weary sigh of resignation, he turned to join his new friends and found Wufei explaining that he and Sally would share his 25 rounds so they could have a squad – much to everyone's amusement. Duo elbowed her in the shoulder.

"He must _really_ wanna keep ya," he teased playfully and Sally laughed. "Dancing _and_ sharing his rounds..."

"Duo – !" Wufei warned coolly but Duo just threw a box of shots at him, pegging him square on the head, before yelping gleefully and running off to the entrance to sign them up for a station to avoid Wufei's wrath.

"We really don't mind having six," Quatre was saying as he picked up the fallen box and Wufei's glare softened as it turned from Duo to Quatre.

"And I really don't mind sharing with Sally," Wufei returned and she seemed pleased so Quatre didn't argue.

It wasn't crowded on a late Friday morning – in fact they were one of two groups, or "squads" as Heero learned the term, on the range. Wufei agreed to go first and then Quatre, stating he didn't want to follow Duo or Trowa who were apparently very good shots, and Heero agreed to go last so that he could observe as he'd never done this before. Duo quickly decided he'd rather follow Trowa and so their order was settled.

Wufei stepped up to the first station confidently and positioned himself. When he was ready, he yelled "pull!" and a disc ejected from the high house behind him and Wufei shot it perfectly. Immediately he called "pull!" again and a disc shot from the low house across from him and exploded on impact. He reloaded, repositioned, and called for one final pull and two discs came then, one from each house, and he hit the high shot but missed the low. He grimaced in irritation but Sally smiled at him and kissed his cheek, explaining that it had been a while since he'd shot anything – which lead to a host of inappropriate comments from Duo to drag his mind away from the miss.

Quatre stepped up and missed his very first disc but laughed off the failure, stating that his inaptitude for the activity was why he wanted to go first to begin with. But he hit his next three targets flawlessly. Both Trowa and Duo hit all four and Heero immediately could tell why as he studied their stances. Not that he needed any particular excuse to study Duo's stance but he took in the broad back and confident positioning with a flicker of lust. His big hands rested easily, almost delicately, on the gun as he held it up to his face and not the other way around. He could tell the gun tracked with his eyes as he followed the path the disc would take before hollering for the pull. Duo called quickly for the next, his whole manner perfectly efficient as he reloaded, repositioned himself, and immediately called for the double.

The friendly banter was slowly loosening Heero up and Duo's jubilant fist pump when he shot all four targets successfully seemed to juxtapose the serious nature with which he approached the task. It made Heero's lips quirk up to see the change overcome him and the wide grin on his face as he turned to Heero.

"Your turn, buddy!" He clapped a hand on Heero's shoulder and Heero regarded him with nonchalant indifference. Although it had been a while since he shot, he loaded his Over/Under with practiced confidence and stepped up to the station, imitating the way he saw Duo stand. He took an extra moment to get the feel of the gun in his hands, letting the memories of shooting pheasant in upstate New York wash over him.

He envisioned the shot before called "pull," so when the disc came he hit it dead on and he heard Duo cheer. He hit the disc from the low box and both doubles with the same calm precision and turned to see the excited smiles of the others greeting him upon completion of the station.

"You have _really_ never done this before, Heero?" Quatre asked curiously and Heero curtly shook his head.

"Well, you're a damn good shot or you got some serious luck there," Duo joked and then rubbed his shoulder up against Heero much to his surprise. He pulled away in confusion. "Don't wanna rub any of your luck off on me, eh?" He wiggled his eyebrows and the look on his face coupled with the ridiculous superstition was so preposterous to him that Heero found himself chuckling. Duo flashed a winning smile and they stepped over to station two for the next set of shots.

They continued on and everyone became more and more impressed as Heero didn't miss a single shot. Trowa just barely missed his high shot on station seven's doubles and Duo missed his doubles completely on station eight, but Heero knew that was entirely his fault and they let Duo reshoot, mostly out of amusement.

Duo had been flirting shamelessly with him the whole time but was completely unable to distract him despite trying his damnedest. If there was one thing Heero had, it was single-minded focus and he was able to block everything out when he concentrated on the shot. But Duo, he learned after finally getting up the guts to try retaliation, did not have the same skill. Catching Heero's eye from across the range Duo blew him a playful kiss and readied himself for the shot. But right before he yelled "pull," his eyes darted back to Heero who offered a lusty look in return, stroked up the barrel of his gun, then closed his fist around it, palming it up and down. Duo called weakly for the pull but wasn't able to drag his eyes from the vision – and his friends weren't able to drag their eyes from the sight of Duo bombing the shot completely. By the time they turned to look in Heero's direction he was wearing his usual blank stare and rebuffed their curiosity with an affronted scowl.

"So, is there _anything_ you're bad at?" Duo asked as he sidled up to them while they started packing up the equipment.

A twinge of nervousness squeezed Heero's heart but he tried not to think of Milliardo and he tried to remain passive. "Sure." But then added dryly, "Literary analysis."

Duo stared at him a moment and then laughed. "You know, I'll tell you a secret." His voice was low and conspiratorial. "I planned these activities so you would have fun, but also so that I would stand out, ya know, 'cause I'm good at all of 'em." A faint blush colored his cheeks at the confession and he dropped his eyes to stare at the gun case in his hands. "I didn't expect _you_ to stand out to _me_."

Heero felt something slip within him and he didn't know what to say. He never really understood what had attracted Milliardo to him and certainly they never discussed it like this. And it was the first moment where he thought – maybe this would be difficult for Duo. Maybe Duo would miss him when he was gone. Maybe he was a 'what if' for the other man too.

"I..." He wanted to say something cheesy like, 'you stood out to me the moment I saw you,' but it felt weird and the words caught in his mouth and he found he couldn't say anything at all.

"You'd be a real catch," Duo offered with a strained smile before he moved away quickly, giving Heero no chance to respond – though he had no idea what he would've said anyway. Heero was left watching him as he bumped into Quatre and started up a conversation.

_"We are not meant to be alone, Heero."_

The words haunted him, twisted in his heart and made it hurt more than ever before. He had accepted his loneliness, accepted his pain, accepted it to the point where he no longer thought about it, no longer dwelt on it, no longer wanted anything more from his life.

_"Promise me you'll find someone to share your life with."_

What kind of promise was that to make? He agreed as it was the last wish of a dying man he respected more than any other man on the planet but it was unfair, unconscionable that someone would ask that of him. As if one could just go out and pick up a life partner like a head of lettuce at the grocery store. Ridiculous. What if he couldn't keep that promise? What if he never found that person? What if that person was worlds away? What was he supposed to do then? Give up his perfectly premeditated life over a week of infatuation? That was ludicrous.

Heero blocked off his thoughts and joined the others. Quatre had apparently invited himself into Wufei's car for the return trip and that left Heero with a vague sense of dread. What was he going to say to him? What could he possibly say?

He sat in the truck and Duo said something about a burger joint and lunch but Heero didn't really hear him. He stared pointedly at his hands, like if he focused on himself then maybe the truck, Duo, the whole goddamned South would just disappear and he would be alone in his apartment again, where he should be, where he wouldn't get hurt by memories or feelings or meeting new people who hit you like lightening and seared through you with the intensity of their presence.

He shouldn't be here. He didn't even know why he had agreed to come.

The uncomfortable silence stretched on between them and Heero let it. He could ride out any level of discomfort as if it were a personal challenge. In fact he started to get angry. Duo wasn't making this situation any easier by saying things like that. It wasn't fair. He was being selfish. He should've just kept the comment to himself and let Heero live in ignorance, thinking he had misinterpreted Duo's actions as genuine affection.

"Look, whatever I said, I'm sorry," Duo finally offered and Heero turned hard eyes towards him. He really didn't know? "We were having a good time, I thought, you know? I don't know if you just don't know how to take a compliment or if I actually offended you somehow but –"

"I don't want to do this," Heero spoke simply just to get Duo to stop. He wanted the uncomfortable silence back.

Duo paused for a minute and looked over at him. "Do what?"

"This." Realizing that word wasn't going to be enough to stop Duo's inquiries he elaborated quickly. "I don't do things like _this_. I don't want to know how little I meant."

"Uh, okay." Duo sounded legitimately perplexed, if not a little pissed. "Not sure how you came to _that_ conclusion."

"Because you're so damned nonchalant."

The words were punctuated by anger and it surprised them both to a degree. Duo took his time in responding. Heero was terrified of what he would say, what lie he might tell to smooth things over, what he thought he would have to say to pacify him.

"We don't have to do 'this' to have a good time," he said at last and it threw Heero for a minute. He was expecting some fakery about 'oh if only things were different' but Duo was straight to the point.

Heero grunted a reply that clearly indicated his inability to accept that answer and he attempted not to roll his eyes.

"I don't really know what fucked you up man, but this life is just a moment, and this moment between us is totally insignificant in the grand scheme of things so why can't it be a good one?"

Heero went back to staring at his hands. Duo blew out a sigh that probably ruffled his bangs but Heero didn't look.

"What do you want me to say? You're hot, you give _amazing_ head, you're great at the shit I'm great at, and I like you, I like you a fuckin' _lot_. What, do you want me to say that if things were different we'd have a shot or some shit? Because they're not different and there's no point in dwelling on that." His tone was harsh, frustrated. Heero felt guilty. Despite how it may have appeared, he didn't really want Duo to be forced to feel his suffering too.

He tightened his hands into fists. He stared at the way they trembled slightly. He wanted to click his heels and go home. Just like in the movie with the lion with no courage and the scarecrow with no heart. But he couldn't. It didn't work like that. He was stuck here. And maybe, if he was stuck there, he was going to be stuck there with no courage and no heart too.

The heart of a lion? Yeah, fucking right. He couldn't live up to his name. He didn't have the heart of a lion – he had the heart of a coward and it ached in his chest as he thought about losing these tiny moments of happiness he found here.

"You can't just avoid me by not talking." Initially he was sharp, but Duo's words softened almost immediately. "What are you thinking?"

"I..." Fuck but where was he supposed to start? He was never taught how to deal with this, never taught how to forgive, how to accept the things he couldn't change, how to enjoy the moment, anything. This whole week he'd been taking advice from a dead man, desperately trying to apply wisps of memories to actual situations just to make it through. He needed more than that. He was a goddamned adult. He didn't need to be piecing this shit together from a man he just met and a handful of faulty memories.

_"When you think of her, she'll be there with you. She'll be there to guide you."_

But she wouldn't. She couldn't. He didn't remember anything she said. All he could remember... All he could remember was the way she held his hand, the way she would set him in her lap and ruffle her hands through his hair, each stroke soothing and yet playful, making him feel wonderful to have her undivided attention. He remembered her smile but not the way it looked, just the way it seemed to light up any room and she would smile like that at _him_ and he seemed to be the center of the universe then. And he remembered – she was _happy_. Nothing on the surface, no, she was an imperturbable picture f calm. No matter what his father threw at her, what hell he rained down on her, she absorbed it or let it slide off like water. No, her happiness was deeper than that. Something way down in her core. She was at peace with herself and her life and she was _happy_.

And though his hands blurred before his eyes as he straightened them out on his knees, they no longer trembled. He understood. She was guiding him, then, her memory – fleeting, transient, temporary – her life was just a moment but during the time she was there she was happy even in spite of his father's wrath and he remembered that. And he remembered that he had been happy too.

"I – I think I understand." And he reached out then, leaning far over the seat and stroking a hand across Duo's bangs, tucking them back behind his ear, thinking of the tiny moment of happiness encapsulated in that gesture, when he was just a boy and his mother was still alive and he never had doubted that she always would be. He hoped perhaps he could share just how happy that made him with a boy who never had a mother to offer such comfort.

And he understood then, in some ways, why this was so much easier for Duo, but the thought made him ache. Duo had never had that type of love and stability. Every day he woke up uncertain, unsure of the world and his place in it. How was he supposed to live for longer than a moment?

No, he didn't know what was going to happen tomorrow. He didn't know how he was going to feel or what he was going to do or even who he was going to meet. But he had a choice. And just as she chose to slip through life as smooth as silk, he could chose in this moment to be happy. To let it go. To enjoy this brief respite from his lonely life and relish in the company of a man who genuinely liked him and wanted him to be happy. He'd said it so many times, but Heero just hadn't been listening.

He let his knuckles fall across Duo's cheek and down his arm until his hand landed on the seat and he drew it away. But before it made it back to his knee, Duo had grabbed it and squeezed it tight, an apology for his earlier frustration immediately offered in that one grasp.

"I do _want_ to be happy," Heero whispered as he stared at their hands, interlocked. It was the fallout, the morning after, the emptiness that gapped like a black hole in his heart when that happiness was taken away that he didn't want to deal with.

"Sometimes it's easier to be sad," Duo reflected seriously and Heero bit his cheek, knowing that Duo wasn't just humoring him but was speaking from personal experience. Still, he wondered how Duo had reached into his mind and pulled the thought out. "But what's the point of life if ya never have any fun? Never let yourself have _any_ happiness?"

Heero sat quietly as he thought about that. He'd never given much thought to happiness or whether or not it was required in his life and still he'd thought his life was fine. Yes, a fine series of well-calculated decisions to afford him the most successful outcome he could imagine – a well-paying job with privilege and prestige. He assumed that would make him happy, or at least give him a sense of fulfillment... but now, now that he met Duo, he wasn't so sure.

He squeezed Duo's hand then as he stared out the window, watching the landscape become vaguely more familiar. There was a certain comfort to be found in that companionship... He didn't know if that was 'the point of life,' so to speak, but it _was_ undeniable.

They didn't need to say anything else and it wasn't long until they pulled up to a mock 1940s soda shop establishment. They decided to sit at the counter since the booths didn't support groups of six very easily and Heero sat between Duo and Wufei – which immediately put him in the literal middle of an argument about whether it was accurate to call it a malt shop or not since they did, in fact, serve malts. Quatre effectively ended the argument when Heero's lips finally betrayed his friend and quirked upwards after watching the blonde strategically slipping straws into Duo's braid like some kind of reverse Jenga.

Duo blushed brilliantly when the waitress took their order as he was still pulling straws from his braid. Heero helped get the few he couldn't reach and the feeling of his hair under his fingertips made Heero want to unwind it and rake his hands through it, caress it against his skin the way Milliardo never let him. But then he was embarrassed of his thoughts, realizing it was presumptuous to think Duo would let him touch it any more than Milliardo had.

Then he thought of how eager Duo was to kiss him, how happy it made him, pressed up against him under the canopy of trees, lips against lips, tongues teasing... That freely given intimate touch nearly eclipsed the pleasure of those same lips on his dick. He thought of what Duo said, about allowing himself to be happy, and he watched him out of the corner of his eye. Every part of him just wanted to grab Duo by the collar and kiss him desperately but simultaneously begged him to just walk out before he threw caution to the wind and gave in to that desire.

Kissing Duo was thrilling, yes, but the happiness it gave him was incomparable to the thrill. And while he understood on an intellectual level what Duo meant about letting himself have this moment, he was scared. Scared of how happy it made him. Scared to let himself feel it only to have to leave it all behind tomorrow. He'd been protecting himself from that pain for so long... That carefully barricaded door wasn't so easily opened.

Suddenly Duo's fingers were on his arm and he looked up. When his eyes met Duo's it was like all the background noise of the restaurant faded into crashing waves and it was all he could do not to drown in the beautiful blue ocean of his eyes.

He noted the subtle intake of breath and Duo shifted back under the intensity of his stare. Those delicious lips parted and Heero was sure they both thought he was going to kiss Duo – but he didn't. Instead, his own lips parted to breathe his name as a question.

"I..." Duo responded quickly but had to regain his composure at the way Heero murmured his name. "Is it okay if we don't go back with Q? I got somethin' I wanna show ya."

The things he wanted Duo to show him immediately crowded his muddled mind and he nodded, feeling a bit ashamed of his impropriety.

They put money down on the counter to cover their meals and left their friends to finish up. Duo shoved his hands in his pockets as they walked down the street a ways, and Heero observed the tacky tourist shops on the short stretch of town with barely veiled suspicion. He sure didn't want Duo to show him anything of that nature. But when considering the rest of the week, he had to trust that whatever it was, it would be good.

Heero was still somewhat surprised when they wandered into a bakery. He eyed Duo as he chatted it up with the woman behind the counter and stared into the long glass case of different pastries and cupcakes.

He started picking out cupcakes layered in ridiculous amounts of multicolored frosting and intricate decoration. Duo asked if he'd like to choose one but Heero could only stare at the case blankly. He was completely at a loss of what to select and not knowing the intention behind his choice didn't help. Of course, he realized how silly that sounded but he'd never had an opportunity like this before and he wanted to make an appropriate selection. He needed parameters.

Then he felt Duo's fingers brush the back of his hand. "Difficult choice, huh?" Duo had no idea. He swallowed hard and glanced at the other man. Duo himself was a much easier choice to make, Heero realized sullenly.

"The key lime ones are really good," Duo offered helpfully, turning his eyes back to the case. "Oh, or the caramel!"

Heero stared at the one his finger was pointing to and he noticed how it was topped with miniature marshmallows and the memory of kissing him, drunk and high and so damned happy, made the selection easy despite the fact he didn't much care for caramel or marshmallows.

They headed back to the truck with the treats boxed and tucked away safely under Duo's arm. Once they were in the pick-up, Heero wanted to kiss him. Wanted to grab his hand and pull him in deep. Drink in his intoxicating taste with eager lips. But instead he sat paralyzed by fear, unsure how to get back the part of him that stroked his gun like a stiff dick to tease the other man.

As they pulled away he noticed how Duo's hand drummed anxiously on the steering wheel, how he fiddled with the radio several times before just turning it off, and perplexed by this unusual behavior Heero found himself nearly curious enough to ask what was wrong when Duo glanced in his direction.

"Why do you want to be a child advocate?"

Heero blinked, surprised by the question but understanding a little better Duo's apprehension. Despite how much time they spent together this week, Heero rarely talked about himself or his life. In fact, he didn't do much talking at all in favor of letting the others carry the conversation. It was just how he was. He was sure Duo was expecting some ramification to such a personal question.

Heero gathered his thoughts before offering his explanation.

"When I was a child, there was no one to speak up for me, to help me get what I wanted. I probably could have gone to live with my grandfather instead of the boarding school, but..." He paused. He had never admitted these things to anyone and the words were starting to stick in his throat. "I was too scared of my father to say anything." His voice trailed off into nothing and he turned his eyes from the windshield to the side window, hiding his face from Duo's sight.

"Did he hit you?" The strained whisper surprised Heero a little and he almost hated to deny Duo the kinship an affirmative would've created.

"No, but he was... Explosive. Unpredictable. He..." He didn't know how to explain the expectations levied on him by his demanding and unreasonable father. "The morning of my mother's funeral he caught me crying in my room when he came to see if I was dressed." The confession humiliated him as he remembered how it humiliated his father. He wanted to keep his voice steady, but he struggled. "He grabbed me by the collar and made me change shirts because mine was damp. He told me men didn't cry, that no one wanted to see that, that I was pathetic."

And he still felt pathetic as he remembered the disappointed, seething words falling on his frightened ears. He didn't know how he was going to live with that man now that she was gone. He began to cry even harder but he balled up his wet shirt and sobbed into it to muffle his cries, hidden from his father's view as he stood in the closet.

"But you were young, weren't you?" Duo asked, confused and a little angry at his story.

"I was eight," Heero confirmed, not that it mattered to him. He knew that his father's expectations were unreasonable but the impression was so strong on his psyche he still felt weak and embarrassed and pathetic.

Duo's fingers strained on the steering wheel but he didn't say anything. Heero was glad. Duo couldn't truly understand the complexity of their relationship considering he didn't have a father. Nothing he said would really be valid. Nothing he said would be a comfort.

They pulled into a gravel driveway and Heero appraised the well-maintained ranch with plastic paneled siding sporting a treasure trove of children's toys strewn across the yard with a certain amount of reservation. That reservation turned to fear as one by one, four children ran out from behind the house and smacked their hands into Duo's door, jumping up and down to peek into the truck at him. Heero turned wide eyes to Duo and Duo smiled.

"Don't worry – we brought a peace offering. Remember?" Duo's smile was warm and Heero let it strengthen him as Duo turned and tapped on the window, making a 'shooing' motion with his hand so that he could open his door without knocking back any children.

The children bombarded Duo with questions, eagerly pawing at the box – which he took to holding over his head as he lead Heero up to the porch – where a woman met them with a sweet smile on her face.

"Hey Helen," Duo greeted her as she opened the door. "I brought your favorite – strawberry shortcake."

"Duo," she chided warmly, "you shouldn't have."

They made introductions and she got out lemonade to bring to the porch. Heero learned the children's names were Jodie, Pete, Lyon, and Mikey and based on their ages – seven to ten – as well as their disparate looks, he decided they had to be adopted. Once they were settled on the porch, the fight over which cupcake was whose settled after some lengthy debate, Heero began to relax as Duo asked simple questions of Helen and their conversation was easy. But quicker than Heero would've anticipated the children were done and harassing Duo with requests for attention. Duo flashed Heero a smile that didn't look much like an apology as he stood, planted his hands on his hips, stared down at the children and announced "ready or not...!" before bounded off the porch after them as they ran away screaming.

Helen chuckled and played with the cupcake wrapper for a minute as she watched Jodie spin and twist away from Duo's attempts to tag her.

"Duo's a good kid," she sighed wistfully. Heero arched an eyebrow at that comment, suddenly curious if this woman was perhaps his foster mother.

"If you don't mind my asking," Heero started carefully, his curiosity getting the best of him, "do you have any children of your own?"

"They are all my children." Heero felt embarrassed then but she just turned her eyes to him with a smile. "But no, I have never been able to get pregnant."

"I'm sorry," Heero offered uncertainly but she just shook her head.

"No, it's fine. This was God's plan for us. Although, at the beginning I thought God was punishing me for vanity by giving me two of the most stubborn, headstrong little boys He'd ever made." Helen glanced back across the yard thoughtfully. "I have never regretted it, though. Every child we raised has been a blessing. There are so many who just need love, a second chance..." She sighed. "But there is only so much two people can do."

Heero nodded his head sympathetically but wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't exactly sure why Duo brought him here. If she was his foster mother, why didn't Duo tell him? If she wasn't, then...?

Suddenly he felt a little hand smack him on the shoulder. He turned to look down at Lyon, whose freckled face scrunched up into a smile as he announced, "tag! You're it!" Heero blinked in surprise and he heard Helen start to admonish Lyon for involving someone who clearly didn't want to play but Heero stood instead, staring a bit formidably down at his young opponent before the kid visibly gulped and high tailed it off the porch.

Heero followed him down, mimicking Duo in his faked effort to tag Lyon back. The game went on for another fifteen minutes, Heero actually starting to enjoy the silliness as the kids laughed and tried all kinds of ridiculous stunts to avoid getting tagged, before Duo pushed him hard and he grabbed Duo's braid in retaliation. He pulled him up against his chest despite yelps of protest and, much to his own surprise, tickled him mercilessly. Duo laughed, helpless as the children came up to join in and didn't let up until Heero finally let him go and he flopped down on the grass, exhausted and trying to catch his breath.

They all sat down with him and studied the clouds and searched for four leaf clovers and blew dandelions until Heero was nearly driven mad with his desire for the other man. Although he realized he'd been seeing this nurturing side of Duo all week as Duo sought to comfort him, seeing it like this, external to himself, so blatant and obvious and directed towards children of an age he would've given anything to have someone like Duo in his life... It made Heero ache with the desire to kiss him – thread his fingers through Duo's and press him into that soft grass and kiss his lips until they bruised. All he wanted was to lose himself completely in that wonderful man and he was grateful when Duo decided it was time to go.

His goodbyes took a while and even when they got back to the truck Heero was extremely conscientious about the fact that they were clearly still visible to Helen and the children and he held himself back from the attention he wanted to wrap Duo in. But as soon as they pulled out of the driveway, Duo was explaining his intention as plainly as possible and Heero's desires were cooled instantly.

"Every one of those children is technically a ward of the state," he explained gently. "They got lucky to get Helen. Trust me – I know." Duo sighed, clearly frustrated, and Heero looked to him for an answer.

"Pete's parents both died of meth overdose within a year of each other. Lyon's dad is incarcerated for life and his mom just dumped him on a physically handicapped grandmother one day and left. She wanted to but she couldn't take care of him. Mikey was born addicted to meth. He's pretty normal now, a little slow, ya know, but man... the shit that kid went through." Duo shook his head sadly as he recalled what were clearly painful thoughts.

"And Jodie – makes me fuckin' sick." He swallowed hard and Heero almost didn't want to know what he had to say. "Sexually assaulted by her step-dad for four fuckin' years and her goddamn mother didn't do shit. Didn't do shit until the police finally came 'cause the neighbors reported hearing her screaming something like fifteen fuckin' times before they bothered to come out." Heero felt empty as he thought about what each one of those kids went through and he could see Duo was on the verge of tears.

"Shit like that... I mean, fuck." Heero watched as Duo looked off to the side and wiped a hand across his face. "Makes bein' beat seem like a goddamn cake walk." He composed himself as best as he could while Heero tried to unclench his hands, not even realizing they were balled so tightly they were shaking.

"My only point is, sometimes the child advocate is the first person some of these kids see who actually oughta give a shit about 'em. Not that they usually do, but... You've got emotional compartmentalization down to a fuckin' art." Heero stared, intrigued by that observation and Duo met his eyes for a minute with a look that clearly said, you know it's true. And Heero did. He wasn't going to argue. It was the only way he managed to make it this long without some kind of break down. And this week was threatening to undo every well fought for wall he'd erected.

"So my point is, if you do care, I mean really care about this, about what these kids go through, then you _need_ that. I can't do it – that's why I need forgiveness. An' I can't forgive those fucks. But you... you'd be great at it."

Heero stared down at his knees, suddenly embarrassed and he wasn't sure why because what Duo said wasn't exactly a compliment but it wasn't exactly an insult either. He supposed it was the truth, plain and simple. Before he could think of a reply they were pulling up to Quatre's and he just resigned himself to his thoughts.

Wufei, Sally, and Trowa were there as well and Heero excused himself to go pack after they brought in the guns and skeet shooting equipment, needing a moment to himself despite secretly wishing Duo would have followed him up so he could have some time alone with him before he left. But he supposed that would be too obvious even for Duo and he sighed, trying to stuff his depression back into the box it belonged in.

He spent entirely too much time refolding his clothes, focusing with each piece on piecing himself back together. This was just a moment, he reminded himself, just a moment that would pass quickly enough and he would be home soon and he would be able to digest what happened and apply it to his life and move on just like he always had. Just like he always would.

When he was done he felt a little better and more like himself and he rejoined his friends as they played pool in the basement. It wasn't long however before they were all climbing into the vehicles again and Heero found Duo pulling up to a little ticket counter for what he quickly ascertained was a drive-in movie. They fished out cash for tickets and Duo found a spot away from the concession stand and pulled in backwards so that the bed of the truck faced the big screen. He'd never seen something so strange and antiquated but he understood the idea to be kind of novel and fun. Part of him would rather they were in a dark theater but then he let that wish go and slid out of the truck after Quatre.

Wufei had parked next to them and only about five minutes later Trant pulled up in his own rebel flag bedecked pick-up with Hilde, Cathy, and Otto and Heero felt a small sense of foreboding considering he'd just decked their friend last night. And sure enough Trant and Otto appraised him coolly once they stepped out and Duo tensed beside him in anticipation of an altercation.

"Your friend's got a helluva right hook, I hear," Trant opened, eyes sliding to Quatre and Quatre deflected with a shrug.

"I wouldn't want to find out," the blonde offered then with a pleasant smile and Heero hated that cautious moment of silence that followed as Trant's eyes met his, appraising him, testing him. Duo had tensed even further next to him and his nervous energy was making Heero nervous too.

"Yeah, neither would I," Trant replied after a moment and a smile, though a bit uncomfortable, eased onto his face. The tension immediately drained away and a raucous conversation was started as they headed as a group towards the concession stand.

Duo selected just about everything on the menu for them as far as Heero could tell – corn dogs, nachos, funnel cakes, soda, onion rings, and popcorn – but his amusement at Duo's excitement outweighed his disgust at fried food. The trucks were parked right next to one another and so they split themselves between them, sitting on the edge of the beds to talk and eat.

The sky grew darker and Duo hopped into the cab to open the window to the back and turn on the radio so they could hear the dialog before settling in with Heero in the back. They sat shoulder to shoulder but Duo seemed to be cautious of the space between them and though Heero understood why, he couldn't say it didn't disappoint him. He felt required to follow his lead. But when Duo nudged him with an elbow and hopped back into the cab under the pretext of adjusting the radio, Heero saw his opening and was determined to take it.

Heero slid into the passenger side and moved closer on the bench seat, nervous anticipation building in his stomach but the desire to override his inadequacies and fear fueling him on. This was it – now or never – and if Duo had to be a 'what if,' then Heero was going to make sure he knew _exactly_ what it was he was missing.

"Heero?" Duo's question could barely be heard over the explosions suddenly occurring on the screen they couldn't see and Heero slid his hand onto Duo's thigh. But sudden banging on the window and Hilde's face at the opening, a huge smirk plastered on, startled them right as Heero leaned in to finally seal the deal.

"You two better not be makin' out in there!" she warned with an admonishing finger as the other people in the truck bed tried to shush her.

Heero glared but Duo chuckled and rose his middle finger to her in response, grabbing the back of Heero's head and dragging him in for a heated kiss. Immediately Heero got himself lost in it, his desire for that contact having been denied all day, his body aching for more. His hand didn't move from Duo's thigh and he felt the other man get hard as they kissed. It made his gut twist and his own erection painful and he wanted desperately to just rip open Duo's pants, suck him off, and hear those delicious cries of pleasure once more.

Duo was panting as he let the kiss go and pressed his lips against Heero's ear, causing him to shiver. "Do you wanna get outta here?" he whispered and Heero fought back a moan and forced himself to meet Duo's eyes to gauge his intent. He nodded slightly, wanting nothing more than that.

Without a second's hesitation Duo hit the radio and opened the driver's side door amid cries of protest from the people in his truck.

"Okay, okay, e'rybody out, you gotta find your own way home t'night!" he announced as he hung out the door and shooed everyone out of his truck. Heero sat in disbelief as Duo took all the harassment he got so good-naturedly and he was somewhat thankful the situation wasn't reversed and that he would get to leave tomorrow and not have to live down this moment for the rest of his life in front of his friends. Heero might've felt more tawdry than he did, but then Duo didn't make him feel the way Milliardo had – like a cheap fuck despite being his boyfriend. Duo didn't mind showing him affection in public. Duo wasn't embarrassed to be attracted to him. Duo would –

Heero stopped and swallowed hard as Duo fell back into the seat, flashing him a winning smile as he slammed the door shut and threw the truck into drive.

He knew it without having to think it. Duo would gladly be his boyfriend if Heero lived here.

Duo had given him a quick kiss as they pulled out but they spent the drive in silence and it was pretty dark when they pulled up to what Heero assumed was Duo's house. A light came on as they pulled into the carport and Heero noted the Bronco and the sport bike as well as two other vehicles in some state of dismantling. The place was small with wood siding and built on the side of a mountain so that the property sloped greatly on either side. He heard the dogs barking as they got out of the car and Duo laughed, apologizing as he pet their furry heads and let them inside.

Heero was immediately amazed by all the stuff Duo had. He couldn't think of a better word for it than stuff. He had bookshelves overloaded with books and trinkets and an entire wall of clocks, several gutted and strewn across a table. It was like his entire house was a workstation – or at least the combo living room and dining area. And it seemed everything he owned was repurposed or reused in some way, adding to the eclectic nature of the display.

"What is all this?" Heero asked cautiously.

Duo chuckled as he walked into the kitchen. "I _told_ you – I like to try and fix broken things."

And suddenly, Heero realized with startling clarity, he didn't think Duo was talking about trucks and clocks.

He heard Duo dishing out food for the dogs and saw two cats uncurl from their positions on a weird yellow and pink floral print couch and make their way over to the kitchen.

"Hope you're not allergic to cats!" Duo called and Heero just shook his head absently in response as he stared at a picture of Ella Fitzgerald sitting next to an old turntable. He assumed it worked, although it was sitting on a stack of records. The record on the turntable though was _What a Wonderful Duet_ and Heero almost couldn't help himself, his curiosity was so piqued. He set the record to play and Ella's voice rasped to life, striking him as he remembered his mother softly singing those very same words as she rolled out pie crust and happily floated through the kitchen on the cloud she seemed to drift everywhere on.

"Stars shining bright above you –"

He heard Duo's approach and he turned to look at the man, his heart swelling with long reserved emotion.

"– night breezes seem to whisper, 'I love you' –"

Duo stood next to him, staring at him in the soft light from the kitchen, a hand coming up to rest on his cheek.

"– birds singing in the sycamore tree –"

Duo's thumb stroked across his cheekbone and Heero opened his mouth to speak.

"– dream a little dream of me."

But anything he was going to say was eclipsed by the feeling of lips pressing gently against his and he remembered how it felt when Duo kissed him for the second time, so gently on Quatre's lawn, wet and muddy, and he remembered what he thought then – if only he could find someone who loved the way she did.

_"When you remember the way she made you feel, she'll be there with you. She'll still be there to love you."_

He just had to find a person who loved like her, who made him feel as she did. Warm. Safe. Protected.

_Loved._

And Duo made him feel loved. And not only did Duo make him feel loved, he made him feel love too. Made him return that feeling tenfold in ways he didn't even realize he could feel. He brought a hand to rest over Duo's and the gentleness of the kiss was almost more than he could stand. It was too close, too intimate, too much like what he wanted for the rest of his life and he pulled away and stopped the record before the words could become painful. He couldn't do that. He couldn't linger on, no matter how he might crave that kiss. Not when he knew exactly what the dawn would bring.

"Come on," Duo whispered as their hands fell and he tugged Heero's gently, leading him back into the master bedroom. It was a bit of a respite from the rest of the house despite being packed with books, too. They sat down on the bed together and Duo kissed him again, fingers slowly undoing the buttons of his shirt.

Heero kissed back, with less surety than he had in the car, until Duo slipped his hands underneath his button up and across his pecs, fingers running across hard nipples and making him hiss with pleasure, the thin undershirt heightening the sensation. He found his own hands working the buttons on Duo's flannel as their kiss intensified and he longed to feel Duo's skin underneath his own.

His fingers tugged Duo's ribbed tank up out of his pants and ran up underneath it, meeting the smooth, hard flesh it hid and Duo groaned, breaking the kiss to push him back further on the bed so he could straddle him. Heero took the opportunity to push off the flannel before Duo's hands locked onto the side of his head and he reinitiated the kiss, deepening it further. Emboldened by Duo's obvious desire he pushed up the light shirt and broke the kiss once more to lick and bite at Duo's nipples. He loved the way Duo's hips jerked and his fingers tugged at his hair and Heero kissed across his chest, hands sliding down his back to grab his ass as Duo recovered and buried his face in his neck, lavishing wet, open-mouthed kisses on it.

Heero was already getting impatient for more but he forced himself to slow down and appreciate the moment. Only a moment, he reminded himself. The dawn might come but he felt this moment – this moment would linger on, in his heart and in his memory forever.

Duo pushed him back and they rolled on the bed, undressing each other slowly, piece by piece, pressing kisses to each new expanse of exposed flesh until Heero was on his back, panting, as Duo kissed his thighs, teasing him, making Heero feel desperate with anticipation, the buildup so intense. But instead of getting the friction he wanted, Duo was smirking over him, leaning down and kissing him, moving to breathe a hot whisper in his ear.

"You have a preference? Top or bottom?"

Heero blinked, derailed despite the teeth nipping his ear and sending shivers down his spine. He'd never really considered it as it'd been so long since he'd been in a position with a choice. "You would let me...?"

Duo backed up and stared down at him. "Yeah, why not? Have you never topped before?"

"No, I have," Heero clarified quickly, "I just – Milliardo never –"

Duo's laughter interrupted his already embarrassing confession of his ex's rather specific demands and he fought back a blush.

"Who?" Duo asked, clearly incredulous.

"Milliardo," Heero repeated uncomfortably.

"Wow – is that an ex or something?"

Heero nodded, not really wanting to talk about him despite having brought him up.

"Fuck, no wonder you're depressed. Your mom's dead, your dad's a dick, and your ex's name is _Milliardo_. Damn but the nicknames I could come up with for _that_ one..."

He tried to turn away but Duo locked his hands on his head and leaned in close, forcing Heero to look at him.

"Listen to me, 'Ro," he said seriously, with such an intensity it made Heero feel even more naked than he already was. "You deserve someone who is so mad fucking crazy in love with you they don't care about top, bottom, sideways, whatever. You deserve someone who wants to make you happy, who just wants to be with you, no matter what that takes."

"Duo," Heero pleaded, wishing he'd just shut up. He had no expectation that a person like that even existed and if they did then in less than sixteen hours he'd be on a plane traveling nine hundred miles away from him.

But Duo just smiled and ran his fingers up Heero's side, nuzzling his nose against his cheek.

"I want you to fuck me," he murmured, lips brushing his ear, making Heero moan.

All thoughts of anything other than those six words flew from his mind as he flipped Duo over so that he was on top and Duo grinned up at him, stroking his face and his chest and his arms and staring at him as if he was trying to memorize every inch of him. But after a moment he opened the nightstand drawer and pulled out lube and a condom, opening it and kissing Heero deeply as he slid it on him. The sensation of Duo's fingers made his breath catch. He grabbed the lube and mustered up his self-confidence, having only done this a handful of times before with his first real fling the summer after boarding school. But then, he knew quite a few things not to do from being on the receiving end of Milliardo's desire.

He went down on Duo, teasing his tongue along his head as he prepped him carefully. The way Duo's fingers tugged his hair and the way he moaned made Heero impatient. He was trying to be careful when Duo grabbed his hair hard and gasped at him to stop. Heero froze and looked up at him in concern but Duo just smiled sheepishly.

"You're too good at that," Duo confessed and Heero took that as permission to move forward. He positioning himself carefully underneath him, holding Duo's hips steady, and he bit down on his lower lip as Duo's warmth engulfed him. As he paused to catch his breath, he stared down at the other man, hardly able to believe that this handsome man was underneath him, allowing him the privilege of fucking him.

He began to move, fingers tightening their grip on his hips, and Duo writhed under him, pressing his knees into his sides and forcing him closer with every forward thrust. Duo tilted his hips up and Heero leaned forward, digging his hands into the sheets as he thrust downward into Duo.

"Fuck, 'Ro, _there_ ," he growled and Heero worked hard to maintain his pace as Duo's groans threatened to disrupt his rhythm.

He tried to reach a hand up to help him out but Duo grabbed his wrist, forcing him to stop but begging him to keep going, moaning how close he was, how good it felt, how he just needed one more thrust – and then he was over the edge with a breathless shudder. His whole body seeming to constrict underneath Heero as cum coated their stomachs and Heero pressed his forehead against Duo's, hard, sweat slicking him as he drove his hips forward jerkily, thrusting a few more times before he found his release in that hot body coming down from its own climax.

Before he could even catch his breath Duo was cradling his head in his hands and kissing him thoroughly, bodies pressing together and uncoiling as their lips became lazy.

"I've never," Duo mumbled out without moving his face from its position flush against Heero's. "I mean, not like that. I knew it was possible but... _Fuck_."

Heero let himself chuckle against those lips. He wondered what it felt like. In all his time bottoming, he'd always needed some kind of stimulation to get off. But then, Milliardo never listened or cared – and at a certain point, Heero stopped caring too.

The thought threatened to ruin his moment so Heero focused on memorizing Duo's lips until he felt better. And having successfully banished Milliardo from his mind as he sated himself on Duo, he made his way to the bathroom. He began the task of cleaning himself off but allowed himself a small, self-satisfied smirk in the mirror and a pat on the back. Despite not really being the type to engage in one night stands, he knew he couldn't regret this and he felt proud of himself for being a successful lover. In fact, he guessed Duo couldn't keep his hands off him, because he came up after a moment and took the washcloth from him, kissing his shoulders and his chest as he wiped away his own cum from Heero's body. Heero reciprocated, the strange and humble connection he felt from the post-coital intimacy filling him with contentment.

They fell back into bed together and Duo cradled Heero against his chest, stroking his hair slowly as they listened to insects chirping outside with an ungodly loudness until rain began a slow patter on the rooftop. Duo sighed and commented that he was glad they weren't still at the drive-in. Heero snuggled himself in closer to Duo, burying his head in the comfort of Duo's neck as he nodded his agreement.

He was more than glad they weren't at the drive-in. But as he slipped into sleep he found himself wishing that the rain didn't have to come and usher in the death of what wasn't ever meant to be.


	8. Saturday | Day Eight | Heero Leaves Duo for Ithaca

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is, spring break is over. ='( I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who took time to read this little ficcie which was meant to be a fun romp through different country pastimes and turned into an emotional overload so near and dear to my heart. It sure has meant a lot to me to be able to share it with you. I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. =)

When Heero awoke he was still pressed up against Duo and he smiled against his bare skin, being very careful not to move as he listened to the sound of Duo breathing, feeling his chest rise and fall gently. Then he realized there was another body pressed up against his back and the hand thrown over Duo's ribs was pressed up against something soft and furry and he realized he was in the middle of a literal dog pile. And although he couldn't have ever imagined being okay with dogs in the bed, for some reason it just made him smile more. And when he felt a smaller paw stretch into his shoulder and a light purr hum in his ear, he nuzzled deeper into Duo's neck, happier than he'd ever been in his entire life. It was just so... cozy. So quaint. So perfect. Part of him felt like graduating and running back here the day after and screw the plan, screw the LSAT, screw Cornell and his J.D. and his whole future – he could figure out a new one right here, in this bed, with Duo by his side.

Though as much as he wanted to believe he could do that, he knew that in the end he wouldn't, but he let himself pretend for the time being so that he could have this one moment of pure happiness.

Duo shifted next to him and sighed. Heero kissed his shoulder and neck and he shivered and tried to pull Heero closer to him although they were already flush against one another.

"Feels good," Duo murmured into Heero's hair. Heero felt a thrill shoot through him and he pressed himself against Duo's leg.

"Yeah," he breathed back, stroking his fingers across Duo's cheek, grasping the back of his head and bringing his own face up to kiss him softly. Duo shifted onto his side so that they were pressed against each other chest to chest, their hard dicks meeting between them as they ground their hips, each movement eliciting soft, needy moans.

"When is your flight?" Duo asked between kisses and pants and Heero took a moment to answer, his brain clearly preoccupied.

"Twelve forty-five," he finally succeeded in remembering the vital information.

"Shit." Duo pulled away and breathed for a minute while Heero's hands found his ass and playfully pressed his hips against Duo's. Duo glared ineffectually and stroked a hand through his hair, though the bangs fell right back into his face. "Quat will want to leave here by nine and it's already almost eight."

Heero didn't care – he didn't want to hear it, he didn't want to be logical. For one goddamned minute he just wanted to do what Duo had espoused to him all fucking week and live in this moment and here he was being forced to rush through it to catch a plane back to his miserable, lonely life a whole world away. He kissed Duo again and though the other man gave in for a moment, he was quickly backing away once more and Heero tried not to pout.

"We could take this to the shower and kill two birds with one stone," Duo offered with a sly smirk and Heero nodded, grabbing him and pressing him against his own body, kissing him with renewed passion.

"Okay!" Duo announced as he forced their separation for a third time and sat up. "Bruno, Sandy, Shini, Nani, Heavy – all y'all out!" He began pushing disgruntled animals out of the bed so that they could get out themselves. "Sorry, but I got a special guest this morning," he explained to them, running hands over any fur he could reach as he stood and Heero's eyes raked over that toned body and the glorious erection jutting out as he climbed out from under the sheets too.

"You can get back in the bed now," he called to them over his shoulder as he went to start the shower and Heero padded after him.

Duo had released his hair and it began to fall apart in magnificent waves down his back and Heero stared helplessly as he watched nimble fingers finish parting the braid. He wondered if Duo would let him help wash it. He wondered if Duo intentionally intended to ruin showers for him forever, too.

They stepped under the warm spray together and fell immediately back to kissing. Heero's hands ran through Duo's hair, wetting it thoroughly, loving the luxurious feel of it between his fingers. He brought his lips to Duo's ear and whispered for him to turn around. He complied, gathering his hair over his shoulder as Heero pulled the other man's body up against his own, fingers finding nipples as his teeth ran over the back of Duo's neck. Duo moaned his name and that was all the motivation Heero needed to bring his hand around the Duo's hard cock and start stroking it tenderly.

Duo threw his head back over Heero's shoulder and kissed him as his hips bucked forward. Heero held him steady with an arm across his torso as his breathing became ragged and his knees weakened as he came. He returned the favor by pressing Heero up against the tiled wall and kissing him hungrily while jerking him off.

And they kissed while lathering each other's hair, feeling each other's bodies with needy fingers, both of them knowing that every moment was just one step closer to their last and they didn't want to acknowledge it, just wanted to feel and touch and memorize each piece of each other.

But eventually they were toweling off and Duo was braiding his hair quickly and Heero running a brush through his own, both of them throwing on their clothes from yesterday and exchanging heated kisses every time they were close enough to lock lips.

Once they were fully dressed, Heero pinned Duo against the door, kissing him and holding him so close he could feel the braid saturating the back of his shirt and his own arms but he didn't care. He didn't want to go. He didn't know how he was going to force his feet forward and out that door and out of Duo's house and out of Duo's life. Not now that he found him. Not now that he knew he could feel this good.

"I can't do this," he whispered, tears threatening as he buried his head in Duo's neck.

"Yes, you can," Duo whispered back, kissing his cheek and rubbing comforting hands on his back.

"No – you don't understand, you don't know what it's like for me," he argued pitifully, crushing Duo's body to him now but Duo didn't complain. Instead, Duo kissed his temple and held him back just as tightly.

"This isn't the end," Duo replied quietly. "This is just the beginning. You have your whole life in front of you and you can do anything you want with it. Think about that. _Anything_."

 _But the only thing I want is to stay here!_ Heero wanted to shout it at him, wanted to beg him for asylum, beg him not to make him leave the first place his heart felt truly whole. But he couldn't. He couldn't ask that of a man he had, for all intents and purposes, just met. He couldn't abandon four years of an Ivy League education in the last two months. He couldn't just give up his goals to move in with a mechanic, his two dogs and three cats, in a backwater hick town where they'd be 'the gay couple' and expect to find any kind of lasting happiness.

If he was truthful with himself, he knew it simply wasn't fair to expect Duo to be responsible for all of his happiness. And once he admitted that, he knew then what it _really_ was that Duo had been trying to tell him this whole time. Just as he couldn't expect one person to bring him happiness, he had to stop placing the blame for his sorrow on other people too. It wasn't his mother's fault he was sad, although he never did learn how to cope with her death and he would've been undeniably more whole had she lived. And it wasn't his father's fault, either, although his emotional and physical abandonment was a deep scar on his heart he wasn't sure would ever truly fade. And it certainly wasn't Milliardo's fault for being a shitty boyfriend who didn't understand how to show him love, although he probably should've gotten out of the relationship sooner so that it didn't affect him so greatly psychologically.

He understood then that while all those things made him who he was, they didn't inherently have to make him depressed. _He_ had to be responsible for his own happiness. _He_ had to choose to move beyond these obstacles in his life and find a sense of purpose and fulfillment of his own. Duo did. Duo was able to forgive those who hurt him so that he could find a place here for himself to be happy. He didn't let the homophobia or the lack of career options or the crushing reality of the small town he lived in get him down, although he clearly struggled with it at times. No. Instead he went mudding, and camping, and smoked the occasional joint, and rebuilt cars and clocks, and surrounded himself with friends and animals, and found ways to make his life enjoyable in spite of the negativity surrounding him.

And if Duo could do that, given the complete lack of options he was faced with, then certainly Heero had to try, had to make some effort to do the same. He still wasn't sure he even knew _how_ to be happy... but it was time for him to take responsibility for that. It was time for him to stop blaming others and make himself happy because he was truly the only person who could.

He released his death grip on Duo then and pulled back to stare at him honestly for a minute. He was still the most handsome man he'd ever seen. He was still funny and charming and dateable and he was still pretty much everything Heero could ever imagine wanting in a man. He was still going to be a big fat 'what if' in the grand scheme of his life. But that was... okay. Yes. Okay.

"Thank you." The words were choked with emotion when Heero said them but he didn't care. He pressed his lips to Duo's one last time and he felt Duo's body tremble underneath him. And when he pulled away they exchanged hesitant smiles and Duo squeezed his hand before they both acknowledged that their moment was over. But Heero knew, it was a _good_ one.

He texted Quatre as they climbed into the truck and got a quick, relieved reply. It felt a little weird to sit in that truck which he'd originally seen as a foreboding piece of junk and think about how much he'd learned over the past week sitting in that very seat. Although he wanted to reach out and hold Duo's hand, he stopped himself, but not out of fear or anxiety or anything that would've stopped him earlier this week. It was just that now they had said everything there was to say and there was no reason to make this any more difficult than it had to be.

When they pulled up to Quatre's, the rental car was already in the driveway and they both looked at it with a wash of disappointment. Heero turned to look at the man who'd come to mean so much to him and Duo smiled a little and brushed Heero's half dry bangs back from his eyes, tucking them behind his ear in that sweet, endearing way his mother had. But then they were heading into the house and Duo wrapped Quatre into a hug when he saw him in the foyer.

"Y'all get rained out at the drive-in last night?" Heero heard Duo ask but Quatre's reply was lost on him as he ascended the stairs to get his things. Quickly he changed shirts, brushed his teeth, and threw his toiletries into his bag haphazardly. He stared at the bag, the room, thought about everything he'd felt since he'd arrived here that first day, picked up by Duo on the side of the road, that wide and friendly smile welcoming him home despite his inability to realize it at the time.

After his brief moment of reflection he grabbed his luggage and completely untouched laptop bag – Milliardo would never believe that, he realized with a hint of amusement – and wandered back down to pack his stuff into the car. Quatre and Duo were exchanging quiet words in the hallway and Heero gave them their privacy. Thankfully, before he had a chance to finish his internal debate over how best to go back inside and interrupt them, they were walking out to find him.

"You ready, Heero?" Quatre asked carefully and Heero shrugged. As ready as he'd ever be.

"Yeah."

"It was great to see you again." Quatre smiled warmly at Duo and Duo smiled back easily and slid his hands into his pockets self-consciously. "It was a lot of fun. You know I'll call when I'm in town this summer."

"Yeah, it'll be great," Duo replied carelessly before stepping closer and throwing a punch at his shoulder. "Was great to see you, too. Great."

And then Quatre was moving to the car and Duo was climbing into the truck and Heero watched both of them, torn as to what he should do. But when he heard the ignition in the truck turn over he made his last move without a second thought, walking up to it before Duo could shift it into reverse, and tapped on the glass, pointing to the locking mechanism. Duo raised his eyebrows curiously and unlocked the door but before he could do anything else, Heero threw the door open, stepped up on the doorframe, and pulled him into one last searing kiss. He focused on every tiny detail – the smell of his skin, the taste of his lips and mouth, the warmth of his neck under his hand as he drew him in close, the way his body melted under him, completely capitulating to his touch.

"'Ro," he breathed softly as their lips separated just slightly and Heero nuzzled his nose against Duo's, gently, his own lips ghosting across Duo's once more as he fought the urge deep within him to stay despite knowing and accepting that he couldn't.

"You were wonderful," he murmured before placing one last short, chaste kiss on the lips he never wanted to have to stop kissing and jumping down from the vehicle.

Duo stared at him like an apparition about to disappear – and in a way, Heero knew that he couldn't blame him for that. It was accurate. But as Heero stepped backwards and away from the truck, Duo shut the door, and there was no going back now – the door separated them just as effectively as the 900 miles between them did.

Duo raised his hand and Heero returned the minor, understated gesture before watching the pick-up roll down the drive way and out of his life. It hurt to watch a man he owed so much to leave, but he took a deep breath, held it, and let it go. There was nothing he could do, no reason to hurt, and he reminded himself forcibly that he shouldn't try to find a reason either. Duo had showed him nothing but tenderness. They had an amazing time together. There was no pain or sorrow, nothing negative to hold on to this time – just pleasant memories of a man who taught him how to love again.

He smiled a little, just a slight upturn at the corners of his lips, and slid into the passenger seat, feeling Quatre's curious eyes on him. They didn't say anything to each other for a while, not until they were on the highway. But he knew it was only a matter of time before Quatre's inability not to pry got the best of him.

"I can't believe you, Heero Yuy!"

Heero turned to see the huge smile splitting Quatre's face and was surprised as he was expecting admonishment.

"I never thought in a million years that you would have it in you to seduce my best friend from high school in seven days." Quatre's laughter filled the small car and Heero stared out the window, irritated.

"It wasn't like that," he growled, a bit angry and a bit hurt to have such a fundamental, formative moment in his life reduced to nothing more than sexual attraction.

"Oh, Heero," Quatre replied more sympathetically. "I know. I'm just surprised, that's all. You have always been so serious. I honestly worried you and Duo wouldn't get along."

Heero thought back to how he felt when he'd first arrived, how irritated he was to be stuck in the mud in a place so backwards they didn't even have cell phone signal – remembered how he muttered curses and regretted coming at all – and he thought that was a fair enough assessment.

"He's..." Heero hesitated as he searched for the right word. "Unforgettable."

Quatre smiled at him. "Are you going to keep in touch with him?"

Heero blinked twice, unable to believe he'd never really considered that. He had been so enamored with him, so stuck in that moment that it never occurred to him they could keep talking, that they could be friends. And he didn't even get his number. Not that he couldn't ask Quatre, it would just be embarrassing, and –

But then he chuckled when he remembered that Duo had that part figured out from the very beginning when he programmed his number into his phone in case he ever got 'stuck' again. Oh, if Duo only knew just how stuck he would be...

"Yeah, I think I will," Heero answered as he unlocked his phone and scrolled through his contacts when he got a tiny little inkling of an idea that filled him with a giddy sort of excitement like he'd never felt before.

He selected Duo's name and typed the thought quickly into a text message.

_You should come up for our graduation in May._

Heero stared at the message a moment, his heart pounding in his chest, and forced himself to hit send before he could chicken out.

"You never know, you might see him again," Quatre teased lightly, likely noting how anxious he was.

"I hope," Heero replied, his voice barely a whisper as he clutched the phone in his hand, turning it over, waiting for a response.

"Sure, why not?" Quatre's optimism was less infectious than he would've liked. "Stranger things have happened."

At that moment his phone vibrated and he unlocked it quickly, taking a shallow breath as he opened the text.

_Yeah, I think I'd really like that._

The warmth that filled his gut as he read those simple words spread through him and unfurled into a grin that was completely uncontainable.

"Yeah," Heero agreed, much to Quatre's surprise. "Stranger things _have_ happened."


End file.
